Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Three year old told to cover up, I feel I could throw up!

117 replies

finnmum · 05/05/2012 18:32

Hi ladies, please please tell me if I'm being unreasonable for feeling absolutely gutted about this; our family went to the local leisure centre today for a swim and DD2 3 years was wearing her swimming nappies. By the pool DP and I were told in front of our DD1 7years and DD2 herself that if she is a girl she needs to cover up and wear a costume. There was just something very sad about that, especially when DD1 asked me what her little sister has to cover up.

We are happy to stick with the rules (swimming suit bought now!) but this just didn't feel right. Smallish for her age DD2 was standing there in her swimming pants and I just wanted to cry. We were let to swim but I was very aware that I'm not covering my child! I had a quick chat with the manager on our way out (when the kids were not there of course) and he said he doesn't understand what I'm talking about and this is the way parents are always told about the this.

Today was the first day I saw my 7 year old feeling naked when she tried to cover herself with the towel in the women only shower room. I would like to scream what the hell is wrong with this country but that would be disrespectful. Instead I would like to hear from you mumsnetters, any insight, experience(hopefully not!) or opinions? Thank you.

OP posts:
Himalaya · 05/05/2012 19:11

That is stupid. You should write to them.

It has been explained to me (by a lifeguard on MN) that pools do do not want to start getting into a conversation about when a preteen girl ought to be wearing a swimsuit so they just say that all girls must wear a swimsuit/2piece....I kinda see that, but I think it's a bit OTT.

Girls under 8 have nothing to cover up and should be able to wear what they like. Swim nappies should be fine for both sexes.

doormat · 05/05/2012 19:13

i know trib .... whether or not they look at boys or girls..(sorry but knocks me sick, just thinking of this) children need protecting...and yes paedos go to swimming baths...there was a case in my area of a child being molested whilst in a changing cubicle by a paedo....

nancerama · 05/05/2012 19:13

In that case, I would argue that if they have to ask if she's a girl, it's clearly not the issue they think it is. Utter nonsense, and very, very sad.

Original poster
finnmum · 05/05/2012 19:14

oakmaiden, I'm sorry to hear you had this experience, too.

doormat, agree with the society changing, but it doesn't feel right having to cover the chest of a three year old because there are peados out there.

IAmSherlocked, you inspire me! I was so weak today!

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 05/05/2012 19:15

"but at the same time i can understand re child protection issue...there are alot of paedos out there who thrive on this kind of thing...."

sorry, but what exactly could a 'paedo' have done in thsi situatio that wold have harmed the little girl in question who was with both her parents and surrounded by other adults and swimming attendants?

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 05/05/2012 19:16

FFS what is the world coming to. Child protection for what, her non existent breasts? Her totally undeveloped nipples? I would be fuming. I think you need to write to the manager.

Then, if they don't give a decent answer, I think you need to get onto the Daily Fail and practice your Sad face. This would be right up their street and, like it or not, they have lots of readers.

HecateTrivia · 05/05/2012 19:17

That's stupid.

There is absolutely no difference between a boy and girl's chest at that age.

If you had a picture of each, you would not be able to tell the difference!

I think there is more wrong with putting a 3 yr old girl in a bikini than in a swim nappy, tbh.

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 05/05/2012 19:18

Himalaya - that is crap. If it is true, it is just punishing toddlers because the adult can't face a potential awkward situation.

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 05/05/2012 19:19

Sorry, I don't mean you are talking crap, I mean "that is a crap state of affairs and if it is true of this pool". Read it back and it sounds like I'm insulting you Blush.

doormat · 05/05/2012 19:21

iambooyoo...to answer your question the same as if they was downloading or looking at images of children...they are not actually touching are they??

go and do some child protection training and you will be shocked at what paedos get off on...

Sluttybuttons · 05/05/2012 19:27

Doormat, if thats the case (im not saying its not BTW) then all peodos would need to do to "get off" would be watch pampers adverts etc. Babies toppless isnt a big deal but they are making it out to be

Himalaya · 05/05/2012 19:27

I agree. 'tis just what I've been told.

I guess if they are not going to allow topless bathing then there does have to be some kind of arbitrary rule about the age when girls must cover up, otherwise lifeguards have to judge whether girls have breast buds or not - and I can see why they would not want to go there.

But 8 would seem like a reasonable age. How hard would that be?

O2BNormal · 05/05/2012 19:28

No doormat that's not it at all, children have been exploited/abused to produce those photos, which was not the case here, nor could it have been.

doormat · 05/05/2012 19:33

02 yes they have and i find it disgusting..i never said it was right i said i could understand why the issue of child protection...

RillaBlythe · 05/05/2012 19:35

Good grief. I am definitely with the majority on this thread. I actually think there is something more sexualising about a little girl in a bikini or a halter neck. Are you going to write to them OP?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 05/05/2012 19:36

If they wanted an arbitrary age, how about children no longer using a swim nappy?

I know that is still ridiculously young, but it would save having to guess ages...

Himalaya · 05/05/2012 19:38

Doormat - as I understand it the issue isn't child protection at all, it is administrative convenience of having a single swimsuit rule for all females.

Original poster
finnmum · 05/05/2012 19:43

RillaBlythe, I'd like to but don't know what is it going to change as I already talked to the manager and he wasn't helpful. He said he doesn't understand the issue and the rules are rules. Stupid me didn't manage to ask what exactly are the rules!

OP posts:
doormat · 05/05/2012 19:45

www.impartialreporter.com/news/roundup/articles/2012/03/29/396227-three-years-probation-for-high-risk-paedophile if i havent done the link properly could someone kindly do it for me

it does go on....hve just googled and their are loads of stories....i cant google anymore as i feel sick

Original poster
finnmum · 05/05/2012 19:45

Talking to the manager was adding to insult tbh, so good to read these comments from you ladies, everyone hasn't gone crazy after all.

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 05/05/2012 19:53

"the same as if they was downloading or looking at images of children...they are not actually touching are they??

go and do some child protection training and you will be shocked at what paedos get off on..."

er, thank you doormat. i'm a registered CMer and am quite up to date on child protection thanks.

and to respond to your comment. anyone looking at OP's child in the swimming pool is not going to harm the child at all. not unless they go up to the child and tell them what they are thinking and that would be entirely their own choice and nothing to do with the 3 YEAR OLD not covering her torso.

ginmakesitallok · 05/05/2012 19:57

FGS - if someone is going to get off on seeing a 3 year old girl's naked torso and the girl needs protecting what about the 3 year old boy??? Load of nonsense - I'd have just said she was a boy.

Himalaya · 05/05/2012 19:57

Finnmum -

It maybe that the manager was right and those are the Council's rules, or the corporate policy of the company that runs all the leisure centres in your borough - so if you want to take it further (I think you should) check on their website to see what it says the rules are, and then write to both the head of sports and leisure at the council and the CEO of the leisure centre company asking them a) what the rule is and b) whether the manager was being overzelous in applying it to a toddler. Ask them if they could consider changing the ridiculous rule or training their centre managers to apply it more sensibly.

If you really want to get their attention call the local paper and they might do a photo of you and your daughter looking sad and holding up a swimmnappy Grin

Seriously. If people don't challenge stupid rules Big institutions will tend to go with what makes their life easier.

TheSurgeonsMate · 05/05/2012 19:59

I would be extremely cross if my family had been approached in this way.

In addition, I don't understand how you are meant to combo the super-swim nappy trunk things with a 'nice little cossie' - do you get practical cossies with the sturdy legs? They'd be costly, I imagine.

bonzo77 · 05/05/2012 20:00

Firstly, a paedophile will find a child sexually attractive whatever they are wearing, be it a nappy or an all in one wet suit. Secondly I agree that a bikini is more sexualising than just a nappy.

As an aside DS wears an all in one thing with arms and legs as he gets too cold otherwise.

Swipe left for the next trending thread