Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Three year old told to cover up, I feel I could throw up!

117 replies

finnmum · 05/05/2012 18:32

Hi ladies, please please tell me if I'm being unreasonable for feeling absolutely gutted about this; our family went to the local leisure centre today for a swim and DD2 3 years was wearing her swimming nappies. By the pool DP and I were told in front of our DD1 7years and DD2 herself that if she is a girl she needs to cover up and wear a costume. There was just something very sad about that, especially when DD1 asked me what her little sister has to cover up.

We are happy to stick with the rules (swimming suit bought now!) but this just didn't feel right. Smallish for her age DD2 was standing there in her swimming pants and I just wanted to cry. We were let to swim but I was very aware that I'm not covering my child! I had a quick chat with the manager on our way out (when the kids were not there of course) and he said he doesn't understand what I'm talking about and this is the way parents are always told about the this.

Today was the first day I saw my 7 year old feeling naked when she tried to cover herself with the towel in the women only shower room. I would like to scream what the hell is wrong with this country but that would be disrespectful. Instead I would like to hear from you mumsnetters, any insight, experience(hopefully not!) or opinions? Thank you.

OP posts:
supernannyisace · 10/05/2012 08:29

Wow.

This thread has opened my eyes. I would not have even considered it an issue for a 3 year old girl to not be wearing a full costume. Crazy rules.

As prev poster said - when we were kids at the beach - a large majority were naked, running in and out of the sea (didn't stay in long as the North Sea is pretty chilly!). The kids that weren't naked wore just their knickers/underpants.

It makes me sad to think that small children - well infact anyone, has to be so body conscious.

5madthings · 10/05/2012 09:12

i would send them the link of the jo jo one etc or similar and show them it doesnt come with a top because they are babies/toddlers and its not necessary for them to wear a top!! god i am fumming on your behalf!

PooPooInMyToes · 10/05/2012 09:53

They wanted you to add a bikini top? Wouldn't that sexualize her more then being topless!

I think its a local rule actually. Loughton swimming pool have the same rule i think and although its quite a few miles away i suspect it might come under the same group of leisure centres. I remember thinking it was a bit daft.

What's fullwell cross pool like by the way? Never been to that one.

Original poster
finnmum · 11/05/2012 09:17

PooPooinMyToes, it's just an ordinary leisure centre with a big pool and a teaching pool, come to think of it more elderly people than some of the other pools we've been but that's the only difference. Where would I find this rule cos I can't see it on their website..?

OP posts:
5madthings · 11/05/2012 09:38

i have spoken to my dp about this, he actually works with vulnerable children and has done a lot of child protection training, safeguarding etc anyway he thought it was laughable but also wrong to have a rule such as this, it just sends out the wrong message about a pre pubesant childs body!!

i just wonder how many other swimming pools up and down the country have this rule?

Original poster
finnmum · 11/05/2012 10:01

5madthings, I'm glad to hear he said that as that was the feeling I had standing there with a little girl ordered to cover up. I had a chat with my sister who's a child psychologist (in Finland where this rule would not stand for a second, with our mad sauna-culture lol) and she said exactly what your dp said.

OP posts:
JanePlanet · 11/05/2012 10:07

That is just bizarre! She's 3 ffs. No wonder you're angry.

Original poster
finnmum · 11/05/2012 10:21

Bizarre is the right word, JanePlanet. I'm upset that they'd want a 3 year old to be covered up for "her safety" but even more upset that they think it's fine (the center manager wrote to me that this is the way they "enforce the rules") to let her hear that "if she is a girl she needs to cover up"!

OP posts:
Fisharefriendsnotfood · 11/05/2012 11:22

I really feel you should get the local paper involved. It's not right

leguminous · 11/05/2012 13:50

Bloody unbelievable. Here's a hint, swimming pool managers - if a child is still young enough to be in a swim nappy as a matter of course, THERE'S NOTHING ON HER CHEST TO COVER. This seems to be a growing trend - I've heard a couple of friends complain about being approached like this, too - and it's horrifying.

Our daughter (2) actually does wear a one-piece over her swim nappy, because it helps keep her warm, but none of the other 2-3 year olds in her swimming class do. The only way you can even hazard a guess at their sex is if the parent has chosen a pink or blue nappy, and that's not exactly precise, is it?

leguminous · 11/05/2012 13:51

And that safety stuff is such crap! Bad enough that we're supposed to worry about showing flesh as adults in case someone decides to sexually assault us - now children are meant to cover up or be somehow seen as inviting sexual attention. I mean, Christ on a bike. That's NOT how it works.

InmaculadaConcepcion · 11/05/2012 13:58

Utterly ridiculous.

There are people around who fetishise all manner of things - do we all stop wearing leather boots (for example) just in case someone gets their rocks off over that? It's a completely specious argument and I would say it's clear sex discrimination. Child protection? Nope, it's more akin to victim-blaming if you ask me ("if she hadn't shown off her flesh, the paedo wouldn't have attacked her....") Angry

If you want to ramp up the local news angle further, see if any lawyers can give you advice on the chances of building a case. Not suggesting you actually go ahead with it, but it would strengthen your hand if you were given some good legal ammo to wave in front of these leisure centre managers.

miaowmix · 11/05/2012 14:04

The covering up chest thing is mad, but I do think a non potty trained child should be wearing a costume of sorts over a nappy, because of leakage, sorry. Can't understand why you didn't do this? Pretty unhygenic I would have thought.

igggi · 11/05/2012 14:08

OP said she was in a swim nappy I believe? Like the jojo ones linked, not like a huggies or whatever designed for swimming. So no need for anything else.

miaowmix · 11/05/2012 14:11

Oh, ok, I had visions of just a nappy. Didn't see that link. Sorry OP!

bobbledunk · 11/05/2012 19:10

Sick adults projecting their own perverted attitudes onto little babies, I would have demanded to know if they were into little kiddies, otherwise why would they even think like thatAngry

FullBeam · 11/05/2012 19:17

I have noticed that in Italy, girls under 5 often only wear bikini bottoms to swim. I agree that a bikini top on a young girl is really quite odd when you think about it. You were right OP!

Rosa · 11/05/2012 19:22

Silly silly and so wrong.
Yes you are right in Italy the girls often do only wear bottoms infact they sell options of just bottoms as well!!!
My dd6 will this summer be wearing what she wants, bottoms, tops,or costumes, my 3 yr old probably just bottoms.
Funny enough here ( Italy) in public swimming pools everybody inc men have to wear swimming hats ... For hygiene reasons , you also have to wear flip flops to and from the pool area that should not have been worn outside- again for hygiene reasons , now that to me makes sense.....

InmaculadaConcepcion · 11/05/2012 21:26

In France, men have to wear Speedo-type swimming trunks (loose surfer-style/bermuda shorts are forbidden) in public swimming pools - not quite sure why.

I don't think they mind 3 year-old girls in bottoms only - and indeed, why should anyone?

VivaLeBeaver · 11/05/2012 21:47

Speedos in France are for hygiene reasons. French are worried that men may go in the pool in ordinary shorts that they've been wandering about in all day bringing germs into the pool.

5madthings · 12/05/2012 16:56

has anyone noticed the ad over there >>> the holiday one there is a little girl, you can only see her back but she has her arms up and is wearing bikini bottoms? but no top, no-one seems outraged over that :) i havent looked closely its a beach shot and if i take my children to the beach they are all often topless and dd will be as well until she is old enought to not want to be.

colditz · 12/05/2012 17:01

Well of course, someone might see her BREASTS! She might LACTATE everywhere! Oh no, wait a moment ....

5madthings · 12/05/2012 17:05

its the club med ad btw the the little girl def has bottoms and no top on :) she looks to be about 5? tho hard to tell as the ad doesnt stay up for long and she has her back to us iyswim?

anway you say they said "if she is a girl she has to have her top covered up" which says to me you couldnt actually tell if she is a boy or girl, pretty normal for a child that age, my dd when just in a nappy looks very like her brothers did at that age :) which says to me it should make no difference and she shouldnt have to wear a top as at that age other than their genitals little girls and boys are no different up top! its madness!

EasilyBored · 12/05/2012 19:35

That's just so bizarre. She's 3! I think putting a bikini top on a three year old is just weird and gross, of course she should just wear bottoms (or a one piece if you like it).

I would def be going to the local paper or their head office with this. It's just ridiculous!

5madthings · 12/05/2012 19:40

it is madness! as a child i lived abroad and was always on the beach in just bikini bottoms i am pretty sure i didnt wear a top til i was over 7 or 8 yrs old, it just wasnt an issue and its beyond belief that a swimming pool would have rules stipulating a toddler should 'cover up' Angry