absolutely furious! but was too gobsmacked to say anything ..

[wannaBe1974]

Not sure where to post this but just need to vent somewhere ...

Today I picked up DS from nursery and we went to the shop. we bought a couple of things, including a packet of sweets that he carried to the till and put on the counter. I'm well known at this shop and everyone knows my DS' name etc. Anyway, I paid for the shopping and while I was doing that my DS said that he had taken off his hat and gloves. I told him to put them on again now to which he said "no". I was just about to say I was going to count to 3, when the woman behind the counter said very sternly "put your hat and gloves on now or I will put your sweets back! do it now!" I was absolutely fuming! but I was so gobsmacked that this shop assistant had the audasity to discipline my child when I am his mother and it is my job to discipline him that I couldn't say a word! I just paid and walked out with my DS.

I am so fuming! not only with her, but with myself for not saying to her to mind her own business! I am the customer for God sake!

Rant over now sorry

Sounds severe, but maybe she was trying to help you out.

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I don't understand why you are angry. she didn't smack him and (presumably) didn't shout at him. She was trying to help out and if your ds is anything like mine, it would have been quite effective.

what's the problem?

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but children are people's business, especially if those people live in the local community and know you vaguely. it's called society. Are you londoners by any chance?

It would miff me, in the sense that I'd take it as a slight on me not being able to disipline my own child IYSWIM. However, I think writing a letter is making an issue out of something that I think Iwould just drop. It's annoyed you, yes and the woman probably didn't think that it would. Some people are just busybodies trying to interfere. I'd try not to get too upset about it.

Why do you ask if she is a Londoner?

I also think you are overreacting a bit. I would say it was quite normal to all join in a bit with kids. Just like the local shopkeeper who dances with ds in front of the cctv camera so ds can 'be on television' and then gives him a lollipop. I think the more we are all in it together with parenting the better. OK, you didn't like her tone much, but it's not such a big deal is it? I bet it worked!
I think I would have said, eitehr 'oh, ds is a good boy he will put them on! Don't worry' or, if he was being dreadful, 'see, we don't want to lose our sweets do we?'

I wouldn't like it if some stranger was trying to discipline my child although he wouldn't listen to them anyway. But it seems to me that she was just trying to help you out, and didn't give it much thought. I bet she would be alarmed to hear that she'd upset you so much

I think you've overreacting. I can understand being annoyed but not fuming or absolutely furious.

I have generally had the opposite problem: strangers who undermined me and supported my children's bad behaviour. In the case you describe I would have been quite grateful.

I agree with what the others have said, her heart was in the right place, she was justing trying to make things easier for you hun. Maybe she's been in your position with her own kids and was actually empathising with you and just trying to help you out rather than her thinking you can't discipline him. i bet she'd be mortified if she knew she'd upset you.

No I am not from london - why do you ask?

Secondly, the reason why it annoyed me so much is because it comes across as not being able to cope. DS is a generally very well-behaved child, people regularly compliment me on his behavior/manners. If he had been running riot around the shop then I could perfectly understand a member of the shop staff telling him not to run around and to go and stand by mummy, but he was standing next to me, he was perfectly happy and wasn't running away, I had already asked him to put his hat/gloves on, and was in the process of still talking to him when she butted in and threatened to take away his sweets. She had totally taken over in a situation where I was perfectly capable of handling things. And the manner in which she said it, I am absolutely sure that if he had not obeyed her she would have put his sweets back, that is for me to decide not her.

But you could easily have taken control of the situation back from her by saying something along the lines of Aloha's suggestions.

The feeling that it comes across as you not being able to cope comes from you, not from her - she can't make you feel that way, only you can do that.

Big over reaction Chill she was trying to help you out I would hardly call it discipline

It was really really cold today and she was probably trying to help and the bit about it looking like you not being able to cope is your way of thinking it might not have even entered her head .But if you think you are not coping thats a different matter .

I have been in situations like this where i have stuck up for dd as she used to get SO upset at anything. I do see where you're coming from and i would have been annoyed too but don't hang on to it. Let it go for what it was, if we lived in a society where no-one helped or give a flying fig, how sad would that be?

i would have been pee'd off with this too - but i think it's best to just vent on mn and then let it drop. a letter would be a bit ott imo. hth

If someone said that to me - and I'm sure people have, I just tend not to really notice them - I would never assume that they thought I wasn't coping! I am sure this is your interpretation and not her intention.

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It would slightly annoy me too, Socci, but not worth getting your knix in a twist about it.

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I agree you are overreacting. I would have been a tad annoyed but in the wrong as I do think it's part of what makes parenting so hard where we dont share the task as a society.

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