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Original poster

absolutely furious! but was too gobsmacked to say anything ..

83 replies

wannaBe1974 · 03/02/2006 16:59

Not sure where to post this but just need to vent somewhere ...

Today I picked up DS from nursery and we went to the shop. we bought a couple of things, including a packet of sweets that he carried to the till and put on the counter. I'm well known at this shop and everyone knows my DS' name etc. Anyway, I paid for the shopping and while I was doing that my DS said that he had taken off his hat and gloves. I told him to put them on again now to which he said "no". I was just about to say I was going to count to 3, when the woman behind the counter said very sternly "put your hat and gloves on now or I will put your sweets back! do it now!" I was absolutely fuming! but I was so gobsmacked that this shop assistant had the audasity to discipline my child when I am his mother and it is my job to discipline him that I couldn't say a word! I just paid and walked out with my DS.

I am so fuming! not only with her, but with myself for not saying to her to mind her own business! I am the customer for God sake!

Rant over now sorry

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paolosgirl · 03/02/2006 23:59

I agree with Nanny. If it was obvious you were struggling, she could have perhaps said something, but it makes me [mad] when other people feel it's their place to discipline my children when I'm right there. My children are very well disciplined, very polite and very well-mannered. She had no right to interfere like that when you were dealing with it yourself.

paolosgirl · 03/02/2006 23:59

even!

expectingsummerihope · 04/02/2006 16:42

Maybe if she had not said the "do it now" bit it wouldn't be so bad. Personally the sweets bit wouldn't bother me as I would see it as a welcome compliance aid which I could not morally justify using myself . But we are all different and often there is no right or wrong way - just difference of opinion.

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ScummyMummy · 04/02/2006 16:47

Senora- am v sad at your slur on Londoners. And have always been an admirer of yours to boot...
weep sob weep cry etc. Do you hate Londoners?

wannabe- you're overreacting babe.

paolosgirl · 04/02/2006 17:00

You're not over-reacting, Wannabe.

Serendippity · 04/02/2006 17:25

Yeah this would have annoyed me as well, not so much that the woman told him to do as you asked but that she threatened to take his sweets of him, that's your call and not something a stranger should do imo.

expectingsummerihope · 04/02/2006 17:38

Had the sweets been bought already?

ScummyMummy · 04/02/2006 18:10

For me this is an over reaction because this is an eyebrow raiser not a get really mad situation. I think it's much more likely that she was trying to help you out and it came out wrong than that she's a full-on ogre.

edam · 04/02/2006 18:22

Agree with blueshoes. Children are, sadly, far more likely to stop whatever it is they are doing when a stranger tells them to than when their parents do - have seen this in action many times.

If it happened to me, I might welcome it or get irritated, depending on my mood. (Actually, an elderly lady told ds off in church at Christmas when he got a bit loud. I was delighted because it worked, beautifully, and she was calm, quiet but firm).

Either way I'd realise that the person intervening was trying to help; and there is that wider point about society. We all need to look out for children, rather than be terrified to intervene. Remember Jamie Bulger? People feeling able to talk to other people's children is a tiny step towards people feeling able to get involved when something really is very wrong.

cod · 04/02/2006 18:23

Message withdrawn

cod · 04/02/2006 18:24

Message withdrawn

Highlander · 04/02/2006 18:41

"excuse me, you're interfering. You mean well, but I find your manner intrusive."

That's what I would have said whilst wanting to slap her busybody gob.

Blu · 04/02/2006 18:47

Did he look scared or upset,
or did he just put on his hat and gloves?

I would have been slightly irritated, but these things happen when we have socail inter-action with other people. She's someone who knows you, part of your community, not just the skivvy in the shop.

aviatrix · 04/02/2006 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hana · 04/02/2006 19:17

swould you really want to slap her?

HappyMumof2 · 04/02/2006 19:19

Message withdrawn

jco · 04/02/2006 19:26

can't believe this thread is still going on!!!!!

paolosgirl · 05/02/2006 12:45

We should be asking the question "would it have worked if she hadn't intervened" Aviatrix. It sounds as if Wannabe had the situation well under control, without any 'assistance'.
I'm all for intervening in the absence of a parent when there is bad behviour, and I frquently do - but I wouldn't dream of jumping in when I can see the parent is already dealing perfectly well with the incident.

jabberwocky · 05/02/2006 13:08

I had something similar happen last week, but I was actually grateful for the help. Ds, for reasons only known to him, decided to start putting his mouth on the handle, etc. of the shopping cart. Even though I had wiped it off before putting him in, there is still a strong yuck factor there, especially with it being flu season and all. Anyway, the woman at the check out counter noticed me getting a bit frustrated with him over it and came around to tell him to be sure and listen to his mother because the cart was dirty, had germs, etc. I think sometimes they do pay more attention to things like that because they have started to tune us out, IYKWIM.

paolosgirl · 05/02/2006 14:24

Jabber - I think she went about it the right way. Rather than barging if with "if you don't, then I will...", she said that it was very important to listen to Mummy. Very different, IMO

Socci · 05/02/2006 14:26

Message withdrawn

jabberwocky · 05/02/2006 16:34

True, it was more of a back-up than a takeover.

ProfessorG · 05/02/2006 21:26

I think you are right Blu

Twiglett · 05/02/2006 21:30

I think you're over-reacting

I'd be grateful that a complete stranger cared enough to support me in raising my child to be honest. Some people believe that communities exist .. it constantly surprises me on here when posters, who I feel I know, have this 'don't you dare talk to my child' attitude .. its come up before and no doubt will again

Personally I would have smiled at her in recognition of mutual parenthood

Hulababy · 05/02/2006 21:35

I wouldn't like it either. I think the whole key to discipline, especially with younger children, is consistency. It also undermines mum, who is already in the middle of the discpline process.

If the parent wasn't around then that is different, but she was and was actively doing something. The shop keeper should have stuck to her own job and kept out in this case I think.

I'd be quietly cross though, and wouldn't take it any further. Well winge to freinds and Dh!

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