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Parenting

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Original poster

absolutely furious! but was too gobsmacked to say anything ..

83 replies

wannaBe1974 · 03/02/2006 16:59

Not sure where to post this but just need to vent somewhere ...

Today I picked up DS from nursery and we went to the shop. we bought a couple of things, including a packet of sweets that he carried to the till and put on the counter. I'm well known at this shop and everyone knows my DS' name etc. Anyway, I paid for the shopping and while I was doing that my DS said that he had taken off his hat and gloves. I told him to put them on again now to which he said "no". I was just about to say I was going to count to 3, when the woman behind the counter said very sternly "put your hat and gloves on now or I will put your sweets back! do it now!" I was absolutely fuming! but I was so gobsmacked that this shop assistant had the audasity to discipline my child when I am his mother and it is my job to discipline him that I couldn't say a word! I just paid and walked out with my DS.

I am so fuming! not only with her, but with myself for not saying to her to mind her own business! I am the customer for God sake!

Rant over now sorry

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fairyglo · 03/02/2006 22:05

Very annoying. You have my sympathy Wannabe. Just what you don't need when children are playing up. Why don't people, even people with children, realise/remember that when your child is behaving badly in public you want people to ignore the two of you and let you as the mother get on with it. Staring, or worse, commenting is so infuriating.

However, too late to do anything now (other than fume silently )

FrannyandZooey · 03/02/2006 22:12

I don't think butting in when someone is trying to discipline their child is helpful in any situation, regardless of who the person butting in is. The child can only pay attention to one person at a time. I would feel I could do without this, whether it was a stranger, dp, MIL or my best friend, to be honest. However I agree she probably meant to be helpful. I wouldn't stew over it.

jco · 03/02/2006 22:20

hercules i couldn't agree more with what you said, motherhood is very isolating and i believe very much that our society is far to quick to leave us mums to just get on with it. we should all pull together to help and support mothers and people trying to help you when you're having a bad moment with your child is just their way of doing this, i wish mum people were like that.

wannaBe, i'm sure you are a fantastic mother and are doing fab by your child. please try not to feel as though this women was judging you as somebody who couldn't cope with her child. in her own slightly clumbsy way she was actually reaching out to you and trying to help and lets face which one of us doesn't need a little help from time to time

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jco · 03/02/2006 22:21

that should have said more people not 'mum people'

hunkermunker · 03/02/2006 22:23

But did he put his hat and gloves back on?

blueshoes · 03/02/2006 22:41

She probably had some inkling that a stern word from a stranger is generally more effective than coming from mother (sad fact). Well meaning, but I can understand if you got mildly annoyed. I would have been annoyed too, but because threatening to take away sweets is something I would never have done.

ProfessorG · 03/02/2006 22:45

I think it is sad that parents think that others cannot have an input into their child's upbringing in this way. She probably meant no criticism but was trying to help, maybe a bit clumsily but we are all clumsy sometimes?

This sort of thinking is what makes people too scared to tell 12 year olds not to swear or drop litter and it leads to disaster IMHO

Parp!

Socci · 03/02/2006 22:54

Message withdrawn

Aloha · 03/02/2006 22:55

I think if people feel everyone else's kids are none of their business, that is pretty disastrous, actually.

Socci · 03/02/2006 22:58

Message withdrawn

jco · 03/02/2006 22:58

it's not really interfering with other peoples kids, its trying to offer you a helping hand

Socci · 03/02/2006 23:01

Message withdrawn

jco · 03/02/2006 23:03

look at it this way, if you were trying to get on a bus with a toddler, baby and buggy and somebody got hold of the buggy to help you would that be interfering or helping, if you were in the supermarket and your toddler was screaming away in the trolly and a stranger started talking silly to her and actually managed to stop her crying, would that be interfering or helping? A women in a shop can see that you're having a bad moment with your child and tries to say something to get your child to do as you want it to, it's not interfering, its helping!!

Socci · 03/02/2006 23:04

Message withdrawn

jco · 03/02/2006 23:06

if we all agreed all the time we wouldn't be able to have all these lovely discussions on mumsnet

Caligula · 03/02/2006 23:06

But sometimes with children, theatricals are more effective than mild admonitions.

I also agree that she was probably trying to help. And it's good for your DS to know that the world is looking out for him, not just his Mum. The world's a big place, and to have only a tiny limited number of people in it who are responsible for you, must be terribly daunting. I remember when I was about 7 or 8, knowing that the whole of the adult world was at my disposal if ever I was in trouble, and the feeling of safety that gave me was very reassuring (not that I ever dared to call upon it, but knowing it was there, was something.)

MistressMary · 03/02/2006 23:07

Awww she was only trying to help you.

jco · 03/02/2006 23:12

which shop was it wannabe? shall i go round and duff her up for you!

hunkermunker · 03/02/2006 23:21

He did then?

Socci · 03/02/2006 23:27

Message withdrawn

jco · 03/02/2006 23:33

I don't think she should write a letter really. i think its better not to dwell on things like that, there's no real halm done

Socci · 03/02/2006 23:33

Message withdrawn

jco · 03/02/2006 23:37

sorry socci, see we can agree on something!!

Socci · 03/02/2006 23:38

Message withdrawn

NannyL · 03/02/2006 23:55

wannabe i too would be fuming and i agree with you! who does she think she is speaking to your child like that...

if you may have said so it OR ill take away the sweets, fine, but given that i doubt that was gonna be the scenario why should she have stuck her nose in?

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