Back in the Zoo for new adventures with old friends

[CaptainNemo]

Come on over animals, I think we'll be very comfy here

[BuddhaBelly]

Can't see any previous posts and normally I'll post on laptop but dh fitted a new front door today and whilst taking out old frame cut phone line so no Internet ir phone line so apologies but can't catch up properly
marbles anything to share?
nemo how you feeling?
gomurray sounds like your body is getting itself ready super quick for ttc
moomin have you recovered from your busy week

My pre-seed arrived today so we'll be getting jiggy sometime next week! Other than that not much to report really. Off to flick through yellow pages to find someone to repair our phone line as apparently if we call bt it will cost a small fortune!

[PickledMoomin]

Hello ladies.

Our laptop screen is broken so I'm stuck using my phone....

Murray We had very similar cycles. I always had a dip before ov so it does sound as though something is about to happen. Fingers crossed. How are you feeling?

Marbles Quietly excited for you. Don't leave us hanging.

Bhudda Good news on the pre-seed but not on the phone line. Damn! Hope you can find someone to fix it soon.

Nemo Hope you've had a restful weekend and you're not overdoing it.

Can't see any of the posts whilst replying so apologies to anything i've missed.

Things are still strained here. I've come to the conclusion in my head that I can't make the relationship work. We can easily live in the same house and parent together but our relationship has come to an end.

I don't know who is at fault. I suspect it's a joint disaster. I've always needed love and affection. He's had so much time living alone and just isn't capable of it changing. He says he loves me but has real issues displaying it in the way I need him to. This, amongst other issues has left me with huge feelings of resentment and I couldn't bring myself to be pleasant to him. We had shouting matches, he moved out and then came back. I hated being filled with that much anger.

Neither of us have had the energy to work on the relationship. I'm fed up with feeling so negative all the time. We can parent together so we'll just see how that goes for a while. I think I need to make a decision about whether I need more than a hand with the children in the future but I'm not going to rush myself.

I feel so much happier at the moment. I'm really enjoying work, the kids are great (other than the sleep issue). He hopes we'll be able to work it out but I can't see how he would be suddenly able to give more after eight years of me begging and I don't think I can survive in the relationship as it is.

Rant over. I'm fine, honestly. Probably all sounds very selfish of me. He's a great bloke, a really hands on dad, generous.......
The age gap isn't so much of the issue. I obviously have freaked out moments when I think about the future but I entered the relationship knowing this.

Enough bringing the thread down anyway.

Lots of love to all xx

[BuddhaBelly]

moomin for the decisions made but if they are right for you and I know it's been a while coming. You sound quite positive about where you're at for the time being and in control of it all which is the main thing. You know where I am x

[gomurray]

Moomin so, so sorry to hear about your relationship and that you don't feel that it can be fixed . You do seem to be quite 'sorted' in your mind that you know it is for the best and I admire your determination to stay together to parent jointly - for the short-term at least. You know we are here to listen, even if you just need to rant/offload. Maybe the thread restarting has come at a good time for you too. Lots of Love xx

p.s. ov didn't happen after all - silly temp playing tricks with me.

[NoMoreMarbles]

moomin just to back up what i have said... so sorry for what is happening xx we are here if you need anything and you have my number too

hope everyone else is ok

i got 2 faint but definite bfps...

[gomurray]

Moomin how are you today ?

Marbles surely if you have had 2 BFPS (even faint) and no AF then .... you are pregnant !?? Why are you not jumping up and down with joy ?... Has this happened before then ended badly in the past couple of years ? I do recall you had at least 1 chemical pregnancy before. Fingers crossed this is your time

Nemo taking it easy I hope. Bought anything else blue

My stupid body seems to be trying but failing to ov - I get EWCM every so often but then it disappears and most importantly temp remains low - boooo. I need to learn how to be patient

[NoMoreMarbles]

murray I have had 5 CPs and 2 later MCs...this appears to be number 6 but only time will tell...

[BuddhaBelly]

gomurray maybe you need af to settle everything down patience woman
marbles congrats very quietly as I know this has ended badly so many times for you and this time you're not even ttc officially so must be more of a shock! What makes you think things are going wrong again?
nemo how you doing? Still feeling rough ?

[NoMoreMarbles]

Hi ladies

bhudda I have had a lot of spotting and a BFN since my BFPs but I'm trying to keep the optimism while I wait for my body to decide what it's doing no actual red bleeding yet but that's what happened last time and my body kept hold until 9weeks I need to test again but I'm holding out until tomorrow.

Hope everyone is doing well

[gomurray]

Aww Marbles sorry to hear BFN and spotting , doesn't sound too hopeful after what has happened previously. Is it worth contacting hospital as didn't you say that due to lupus they'd be monitoring you closely if you got PG ?... Maybe there is something they could do to help, keep hormone level up or similar ? Big hugs xx

Buddha I am practising patience - I promise !

Still no sign of ov and EWCM left the building days ago - PITA ! Anyway, having had some very useful advice from Nemo I have decided to wait a bit (see I really am trying to practise being patient !). I'll prob only manage to hold off for 1 cycle but reckon I will wait for 1 period then there will be no stopping me !

It has been a very low week as I found out on Mon when I called the Consultant's PA that my appt to get results from bloods and post-mortem was scheduled for April - I was absolutely gutted as I was due in April - 5 whole months after the event before I get any answers . Also, as we plan to go on holiday over the fortnight of my due date I'd prob have had to defer for June. Poor Nemo had the misfortune of texting me on Monday so has been on the receiving end of my 'gutted' texts all week ! However, the good news is after badgering the PA and checking out what could be done privately, I found out this afternoon that I have an appointment with a consultant (on NHS) on 31st Jan - so not long to wait ! It is such a relief not to feel that I am being forced to wait until my due date to get answers. It may be the case that my body takes that long to start ovulating again anyway, but I can't control that...although I am trying my best by taking vitmains and supplements and eating an uber-healthy diet to ensure I am in tip top condition for an old bird

Where is everyone hiding ?...

[CaptainNemo]

Hello Murray! I'm here! Am SO glad that your appointment is so soon (relatively speaking), and glad that all the pestering paid off! I'm sorry to say I hadn't put 2 and 2 together about your having been due in April - all the more reason for them not to keep you hanging on until then. Would you mind telling us what your due date was? I hope you haven't already changed your holiday plans? Going away then sounds like the perfect thing to do. Hope the waiting to TTC doesn't drag too much.... At least you'll have seen the consultant before ttc-ing this way. Hope DP is home safe and sound now. How are things with the pregnant work colleagues? not too awful I hope

Oh Marbles.... it's just so unfair that this keeps happening to you, I'm so sorry to hear it sounds like it's happening again.... Will you get in touch with the hospital? I suppose if the worst comes to the worst at least you might be able to have an erpc rather than waiting another 5 weeks (until you would be 9 weeks) for af... But I absolutely appreciate that talking about an erpc as anything other than a worst case scenario is totally shit Hope you're ok chick, you've had such an awful lot to cope with since Christmas

Buddha how's the phone line? I saw the new door on fb though, looks v smart! Clever DH!! Did he really do the whole thing in a weekend? How's it going with the pre-seed?

Moomin I don't know what to say.... I'm so to hear your news..... But I second what the others say about needing to make whatever decisions are right for you. Please know we're all here if there's anything we an do.... xx

How is everyone else?

All ok here, except am totally paranoid about the fact that I'm still not feeling any movement..... Especially as I'm totally out of the closet now, went to a work drinks thing on fri night and it was fairly obvious in the dress I was wearing.... so if things don't work out I'll have to tell eeeeeveryone..... Obv if things don't work out that'll be the least of my worries, but it's preying on my mind.... I feel like I've come so far in some ways, but I'm all too aware how far I still have to go between here and holding a healthy baby in my arms.... Somehow the fact it's a boy makes it even harder to imagine a happy ending.... Gah. What a moaning old cow. Sorry. Scan is on thursday, if the consultant thinks all is well at 20 weeks I'm hoping I'll start to relax a little... BUT SOME MOVEMENT WOULD BE NICE LITTLE ONE, IF YOU'RE LISTENING.......

Hope everyone's had a good weekend xx

[gomurray]

Nemo good to 'see' you and have some activity on the thread again ! My due date was 26th April. Still plan to be away for the second half of April - not booked anything yet as I now have an irrational fear of flying due to that fact that I flew to Munich the weekend around when I lost the baby . I haven't plucked up the courage to tell DP this yet as he has his heart set on a sunny holiday - it will only be relevant if am PG by April so may be a moot point anyway !

I totally know how you feel about movement at this stage - I was driving myself insane worrying about lack of movement even though I didn't feel it consistently with E until after 20 weeks due to anterior placenta. I know my story of PG #2 is not a good example to give you hope, but when I expressed my worries to friends LOADS of them had not felt much/any movement until after 20 weeks and they now have healthy babies - all of there examples were 2nd timers too, so please try not to worry. You are obvioulsy going to be more inclined to worry after your past experience but equally you are aware of the rarity of late losses - please remind me of this if in future I am approaching 20 weeks and in a complete panic !

I have come to the conclusion that body stopped trying to ov several days ago, so now hoping it is just a crappy post-MC anovulatory cycle and that AF will arrive soon so that I know where I am cycle-wise, I hate this no-man's land I'm in - no good for a control freak !

Now that appointment is looming I am getting myself prepared for what may be said and what questions I need consultant to answer - esp if they come back with an inconclusive result. My reading so far has suggested that 2nd trimester losses are usually connected to the mother, not the baby ('defects' with baby usually cause a 1st tri loss) - I know this wasn't your experience Nemo but then the consultant was amazed your body held onto James for so long (clearly efficient at being PG - take comfort from that). I have a few 'possible' things that may have caused the baby to die - flying, tummy bug etc... and am torturing myself with these now so I really need to get the results to stop my over-active imagination ! Plus, given that the sonographer said she thought she could see fluid on the brain it is probably a baby issue afterall - just hope it is a 'one-off' thing that is not likely to repeat.

Anyway, me, me, me ! Where is everyone else hiding ?...

Buddha have you been getting busy with the pre-seed or are you in 2ww territory ?...

Marbles how are you feeling ? I spotted you over on one of the MC threads I'd been following - think I'll pop over too and pick the brains of a couple of the ladies who seem to be very well versed in test results for late-MCs.

[CaptainNemo]

Murray Flying is NOT a cause of miscarriage!!!!!! Especially not a tiny little hop over to Munich. Absolutely NO WAY!! Please please don't think that had anything to do with it. No chance. Bet you anything. Even paranoid me flew to turkey when I was pg with T and my MOST paranoid friend (who is a gp) flew to Australia when she was pg. So there. Bet you it was a problem with the baby. Don't forget there's a big difference between a baby dying at 16 weeks and a baby dying at 20 weeks. Your body hung on just like mine did.
PS James is DH, and it's not just the consultant who's amazed I've put up with him for so long!!

[gomurray]

Thomas, sorry nemo what an idiot I am, I actually thought when i typed it that it felt wrong but decided it was right in the end !
I consider myself well and truly slapped on the wrists !!!! Point taken, I will try to spend the rest of the week obsessing about finding a fab holiday instead of inventing crazy theories about what happened.
When is your 20 wk scan ? Hopefully that will help calm you down a bit.
Thanks for the virtual slap, it was much required and appreciated !

[CaptainNemo]

No prob, any time you need a slap just give me a shout But honestly, your time will be MUCH better spent finding a fab holiday. And Dr Nemo prescribes lots of sun!!

Scan on thurs, 2pm. Can't come quickly enough! Seeing the accountant tomorrow eve to find out the bad news about my tax bill. [terror] Last year I actually cried in his office when he told me how much I owed (thought I had a reasonable idea, thought I had enough put by. Wrong on both counts!) So am hoping it'll go better than that this year - although that's a pretty low bar! xx

Come on Other Animals!! Where are you hiding???

[PickledMoomin]

I'm here. Lurking lots but not finding time to post and computer still isn't fixed. Another week of work after this week and then things should settle down.
Ei Please pop in to let us know how you are.
Murray I'm so glad your appointment has been moved forward. I so hope you get some answers. Keep talking.
I'm sure you won't be waiting too long to ov. Are you still temping? Get some preseed!
Nemo Hope you're not over doing it. Good luck with the accountant. Fingers crossed for good news.

[PickledMoomin]

And Nemo - sending you lots of luck for Thurs. Not that you'll need it xx

[NoMoreMarbles]

evening ladies

it looks like i have had yet another CP() but my body appears to be having other ideas... despite the bleeding and BFN etc i appear to be having symptoms that if i didnt know better i would swear were pregnancy symptoms MASSIVE sore tingly boobs, heartburn as bad as with DD, low stretchy/niggley pains, dizzy spells, nausea (gagging when brushing teeth etc) and feeling very drained. i and steadfastly REFUSING to test for now but keeping an eye out incase anything else pops up...

hope everyone is ok

nemo good luck with your consultant appt i have a friend who is currently baking #4 who never feels movement until past 20 weeks try not to worry too much if at all humanly possible i think you(and that beautiful boy in there) will be fine

moomin how are things with you and DH? hope all is starting to settle a little xx

bhudda hows the TTC going? lots of preseed amd SWI i am guessing i have a feeling you will be our next BFP m'dear

murray hope you are ok and not freaking out too much about the appointment like was said on the other thread- whatever is said at the appointment is likely to be a shock and very hard to take in so write down your questions to ask and lean on us as much as you need to xx

to anyone not mentioned

[frazzlerock]

A-HA! I FOUND YOUUUUUU!!!
It's been so long I couldn't even remember my name [bshock]
It's also been so long, a few of you have either changed your names or we have some "new" recruits...??!!
I might have a quick read over the last few pages to refresh myself but if I could be filled in with the latest gossip I'd be mucho obligio.

I've come back to the comforts of The Zoo as I've missed you all loads and feel completely out of the loop now. I have a fair bit of gossip my end for those who aren't FB addicts. Nowt exciting mind Just boys. Silly silly boys.... oh and loads of running (which makes me )

God I've missed you lot. Can I just give you all one big manly bear hug?

[gomurray]

FFS !!! I have just posted a lengthy bit of chat which has disappeared into the ether - grrrrr.

However, while I was typing frazzle returned - hellooooooo ! So good to 'see' you [bgrin] - I have followed your news on FB but obviously don't know any detail, so spill. And I am super-impressed with your running - I haven't run since I was PG with E - . There is a crib sheet further down with new names - that should help you.

Ok so back to my chat - in brief it was as follows:

Moomin good to see you and hope you are doing ok - how are things with DH ?

Marbles so sorry things are so confused for you. If it is a CP is it worth reporting to hospital ? What about baby asprin, have you tied that ? Lots of ladies who suffer from early MC and CPs swear by it.

Buddha are you on 2ww ? Good news for you that Marbles predicted a BFP - do you all remember when she used to have dreams and had an uncanny ability to predict things ? She predicted my BFP wth E !

Nemo totally understand your comment a few posts back about feeling more uneasy about PG because it is a boy again - I am convinced PG2 was a girl and already am wishing that any future PG is a boy to give me a better chance of reaching full term.

I am starting to think that I need to steel myself big time for appt on Tuesday as being told the sex will make it more real that I have lost a baby (either DD/DS and E's brother/sister) as opposed to 'just' losing a baby/pregnancy. I am thinking that no matter what the results tell us, it is going to bring a lot of emotions flooding back and have implications for how/if I approach any future PG.

As far as my stupid body goes, after CM drying up for about 10 days and expecting AF any day, I now have EWCM again (I think) plus zero spotting (I have always been a 5-days spotter !) grrrr just want AF so I have a starting point and can get on with it.

Where are Turtle, Buddha and MummyLtd hiding out ? come back !!!!

[CaptainNemo]

Welll helloooooo everyone! And hello Frazzle - I wasn't sure who you were til you mentioned the running/boys [bgrin] Am so glad you found us! There are no new recruits (not allowed!) and as Murray said I think there's a crib sheet somewhere... But:
Murray mibbes
Turtle now lives in Oz with her twin girls
Buddha used to be named after you in RL (or her cat...)
MummyLtd likes a good laugh, tee heee....
Impala Cri
Moomin is very sparkly
And think Marbles is still getting called Ei so hopefully you'll work that one out!
And I'm a woman of mystery [bwink]

Not got much time now but can I share my TOTAL paranoia of the day? If someone would come and give me a slap that would be marvellous.... Although tis a bit embarrassing actually..... Was out last night, ate at the pub with friends and by the time I waas about to go to sleep I was feeling really sick, different from normal preg sick. I then woke at about 0040 with bad stomach ache, but was definitely higher up than LO so not too worried and just tried to go back to sleep. Think was mild food poisoning. Bloody pub. Got up to shower at about 6.45. Had shaved pits, but not legs [nice]. suddenly saw blood dripping onto the floor of the shower, bight red and quite frequent drops, nearly had heart failure. Couldn't feel anything so panicked even more as normally when you're bleeding and can't feel it, it's only coming from one place... Got straight out of the shower and then realised it was coming from my right nipple so went immediately from panic about mc to panic about breast cancer................ Ran off to find DH who had a look and reckons I'd nicked just under my nipple with my razor during aforementioned shaving.... Totally wasn't aware of it if I did, though boobs are unusually large and therefore getting in the way much more than I'm used to at the moment so I suppose it's possible, but it really freaked me out. Cut was under nipple so I can't really see it. i have a drs appt booked on 1st feb so guess will just ask then but wanted to see what you guys thought. What an idiot huh?!!? V stressful start to stressful day methinks... Nxx

[frazzlerock]

Oh god, I'm such a lamo. I've been reading through and cannot take it all in. All the name changes have lost me completely. I think I'm going to have to start from here.
moomin you like how I asked you who pickledmoomin was? What a duffbag!

Murray I was really saddened to read about your MC. I had absolutely no idea until now. You seem to be keeping upbeat which is really good. I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday x

Nemo Congratulations for your lickle BOY! One of each, you lucky thing you. I bet little T is getting so grown-up now!
I'd love to get us all together again soon if we can..?

My news is pretty rubbish really. Just a man zapping all the life out of me and making me feel like I've hit rock bottom. Nothing compared to the shit most people have to go through. Feel a bit of a fraud really.
Basically, after a year of emotional turmoil - one minute he wants us to be back together, the next he wants nothing to do with me (this happened a stupid number of times) - I decided to make a massive step by telling him exactly what I thought of him and not to contact me again. I then removed him from FB and Twitter. Been struggling immensely since . I was diagnosed with severe depression last March and it was him who put me there. Desperately hoping not to go back there but can feel it all starting again.
I feel so pathetic telling you all this. I sound like a heartbroken teenager! Keep telling myself how ridiculous it is and today I'm a bit brighter.
That's kind of why I came here. I know you guys will put me on the straight and narrow and get me to buck my ideas up!
I feel like I've lost touch with you all which makes me pretty sad as you've all been there for me throughout my PCOS TTC months/years.

On a positive note, I've got my Brighton Half marathon in 3.5 weeks time and have signed up for Bristol and Cardiff later on in the year. Moomin you might have a lodger for Cardiff...
I'm also heading off to Borneo and Kuala Lumpur for 10 nights on 12th April SANS ENFANTS!! I can't friggin wait. I'm completely burnt out atm childwise if I'm completely honest. Desperate for this break.

Still not got the ball rolling for the divorce but once I've worked how how the blazes to start, I'll get right onto it. It's still the best decision I've ever made. Apart from deleting the latest tosspot from my life of course...

Right, I will definitely be back later today. Gotta go and pick up C from school then I've got a babysitter coming over so I can go for a run (it's an expensive hobby!)
Cheerio guys. It really is so amazing to be back [bgrin]

[NoMoreMarbles]

frazzle lovely to 'see' you sorry things have been rough I have tried to keep up on FB but didn't manage to obv glad to see you back
Il catch up properly later as I'm on th bus should be home soon thank fuck

[PickledMoomin]

Mwah Mwah.
I love that we are all back

[frazzlerock]

Evenin' all!
I'm just back from my run and now have my feet up and embracing my sugar habit yet again. I've no idea why I'm doing this as I weighed myself at the gym and I've put on a good half a stone. Bloody useless scales. Clearly they're wrong! Ahem...

Anywho... Nemo Crikey woman! That's enough to put the bejeezus into anyone! Shaving your nipples indeed. That'll learn yer

Marbles man alive! I'd love to know what's going on with your bod. Don't you wish sometimes you could press a button and see what the hell is going on?! Keep us posted though won't you?
I've actually had to do a few preg tests myself over the last few days. Thanks to that moron Sam the Spam Potatohead (that is his real name). I would have loved to be able to take a look inside my tummy. Ridiculous thought considering the TTC I've had to do in the past! I do seem to have these weird phantom pregnancies after jiggery pokery with him, quite odd. My wonderful mind playing tricks on me! I keep forgetting that it won't happen again, if I know what's good for me ....

Moomin Yay!

I tell you what, that run did me a world of good. I find it amazing what exercise does to my emotional state. I wish I could do it everyday. Better than any anti-depressant!

My sister just text. My Mum's in hospital with a bad stomach ache. She had to go in yesterday as she was in agony the night before. She came out with the diagnoses of IBS and a urinary infection but was in agony again today. Gawd knows what's going on. Waiting to hear news from my sis...