Feeling self-concious about being a younger mum - anyone else?

[AKMD]

I married DH at 20 (he is 3 years older than me) and DS was born when I was 22. Two years on, he's a great little boy but I find myself feeling more and more self concious about being a younger mum. I've had quite a few comments along the lines of 'oh, you're very young to have a toddler aren't you?' and read so many snide comments about younger mums not having a clue what they're doing that in certain situations I actually feel embarrassed when I'm out on my own with DS. I know I shouldn't focus on what other people think but I get very stressed out about stupid things like BIL buying DS Nike trainers and the way that DS behaves in public, more so than I do when I'm with people who know us fairly well. Does anyone else feel like this? How can I grow a thicker skin?

AKDM...I can relate to your post. Married at 23...DS at 24 & now 25. A lot of people are surprised I have all this at 25...but I think I do very well...which I am sure you do. I understand you worry what others may think/say but never doubt your capabilities as a mummy. It's natural to worry about how your child's behaviour reflects on you as a parent..especially when out in public...but kids will be kids.. whatever age their parent.

god i can remember this, and even now, because i am 39 and have a 20 year old i get people very very surprised.

i was 19 when i married and 19 when i had my first child, 25 when i had the second.

when i was pg i had people shout things at me in the street.
you just learn to live with it, and i have 2 well behaved, decent kids to show for my parenting - so young or not i did a bloody good job if i do say so myself.

my eldest is at uni now, and they are both mostly delightful people to be around.

age bears no relation to whether or not you can parent. so sod what other people think!

Same ages as wifey6. Sod them or respond to the snide comments (if based on looks) with 'oh thanks so much, I'm feeling at least 60!' followed by a big grin. People then assume you must be a young looking mother rather than a 'young mum' and trip over themselves apologising.

Take it as a compliment on your youthful looks. I still get this at 28, I take it with a massive pinch of salt. It's all down to the cheekbones

I must have looked really old. I had my first son at 14, and don't remember any negative comments at all. It's only now that I am 32 and I talk about my 18 year old that people say I don't look old enough.

I think I was probably so young I was just too naive to spot other people gossiping about me.

I get this too, even though I had my DS at 26. I look younger though. I am self-employed and I was on course when pregnant run by HMRC about how to do your tax return. The snide, horrible course leader looked me up and down and said 'Hope you've got a rich boyfriend'. I replied 'Me and my husband aren't rich, but we're looking forward to being parents.' It was really cutting though

Well done wasp! I really feel that people in general are expecting me to do a bad job so I have to work harder and be on 'best mummy mode' at all times to prove thme wrong. It wasn't this bad when DS was born; I think the remarks have finally got to me in the past few months. It's good to hear positive stories!

Yes - i get this, I'm 21 with very-much-planned 4 month old dd.

Have felt very awkward in town because i look young(er than i am) and my fingers got too fat and swollen for my wedding ring.

Have just got it back on and feel so much more secure now when walking in town. I always worry that people think i'm a pregnant /young single mum teenager - but why do i care so much?

I've made lots of lovely mum friends, the youngest of which is 30 though! Don't think there are any people my age at the nct groups or the baby groups i go too.

I do feel like I have to prove I'm a good mum, on the bus/train or in shops especially -(DD, please stay asleep... please!) not at all in front of other mothers.

Me and DH were 23 when we had our first ad I think we were getting on a bit tbh!

ah i was 22 when preg and 23 when i had dd and got lots of negative comments and I am a single mum and have been since dd was 16 weeks old!faced lots of negative remarks about how its ruined my education having dd 'too young' erm I have a degree and a pgdip so it hasnt!

I had loads of negativity - I had dd when I was 17.

Still get a few looks, especially at work, when they find out I was such a young mother.

Just rise above it, some people are ignorant twats.

There was another thread, almost exactly the same, a while ago. You might find some interesting reading in the archives if you feel like it.

You are young :)

The 'average' mum is in her mid 30's these days - early 20's is young.

Young does not mean bad, too young, silly or irresponsible. It just means young. It's not a judgement. If anything - it's envy

I wish I could make you see that you should just enjoy your life and not worry about what anyone else is thinking/doing/saying. Believe me - the 20 years between 22 & 42 pass in the blink of an eye and one day you'll be sitting here wishing you were 'young' again! :)

People that mind don't matter and people that matter don't mind!

Always! Had DD1 at 16, DD2 at 21 and DD3 at 23, have been with DP since the age of 15. Often find myself explaining how long me and DP have been together so they don't think each child has a different Dad as none of them look alike! I find the school gate the worst, had a mother exclaim 'She's not yours is she?!' about DD1 - DD2 has been in the same class as her daughter for 3 years! Not many 'young' mums in DD1's class, they're all about 20years older than me (in fact one was my biology teacher in secondary school! )

I'm 23 with an 8 month old DS and people are surprised :S

Im 26 with a 2 year old and still get pegged as a 'young un'.

To be fair, I feel ANCIENT. I think toddlers will do that to you though

I don't mind it. I think it's a great thing in fact and your 'average middle aged' mum is probably a bit jealous that she didn't do it sooner.

Although I wouldn't like to be a PROPERLY young mum. For my own mental health I think children came at the right time for me!

I'm 25 and due DC3 anyday. I was 20 when I had DS and 22 when I had DD. I also look younger than I am. I do get a few shocked faces when people ask if this is my first and I reply with 3rd :)

Oh hell yes, I'm 23 and dd is 19mths. Negative comments fired all over the place, even from my DM :(

Funnily enough, it's only when I'm on my own with DD, if DP is with us there's not a dickybird from anyone. And if DP has DD on his own he gets comments about 'what a brilliant hands-on father' he is and 'isn't that a lovely thing to see?'

See i feel late havig my first at 23. I am one of the oldest parents at my nursery now at 27!

i used to get looks as i was a mum for the 1st time aged 17

i got more looks when i had my last child aged 39!

there are funny fuckers all over the place who love to give looks!

it's hard when you know people are judging you for nothing apart from living your own life.
i trained myself to think they are only giving those looks as they are imagining themselves in your shoes, but not faring as well.

hold your head up and be proud that you are doing something amazing that others would struggle to do?

people are just so horrible to judge young parents

you can get good/bad parents whatever age you have them at,if I was a child I would rather have a young good mum than an older rubbish one

I had DS two weeks after my 18th birthday, and to be fair even now at 20 I look young for my age.
I do find people look down on me or sneer if I tell them I got pregnant at 17.
And I people are always shocked if I meet them without my son and I tell them I have a 2 year old.

I hope I break the young mother stereotype but it feels like with certain people that it is all they can see.
I am still with DS's father, I am studying to get a degree and have studied nearly the whole time since having DS, but to some I am irresponsible and not capable of caring for my son.

However, my DB's girlfriend turned 18 on Sunday, and I did think to myself, wow I was about to burst when I was her age, she is so young!
I think having a child young make you mature very quickly, its not all about age.

I would say just don't think about it.
Aslong as you know you are doing the best you can for your child it shouldn't matter what other people think!
Young or old shouldn't affect your ability to be a parent.

I had loads of negativity too and I had dd1 at 22

I don't get it tbh

it was hard
now I have three girls (11, 6 and 4) and I'm 33 but I was id'ed for fags last year so I must still look young