Feeling self-concious about being a younger mum - anyone else?

[AKMD]

I married DH at 20 (he is 3 years older than me) and DS was born when I was 22. Two years on, he's a great little boy but I find myself feeling more and more self concious about being a younger mum. I've had quite a few comments along the lines of 'oh, you're very young to have a toddler aren't you?' and read so many snide comments about younger mums not having a clue what they're doing that in certain situations I actually feel embarrassed when I'm out on my own with DS. I know I shouldn't focus on what other people think but I get very stressed out about stupid things like BIL buying DS Nike trainers and the way that DS behaves in public, more so than I do when I'm with people who know us fairly well. Does anyone else feel like this? How can I grow a thicker skin?

Don't care about outing myself I was the one who politely replied to her ignorant comment. Named her and called her rude, would have said more but I've already been banned from facebook once...

Well done Jingle! I didnt want to out myself to my real life friends....wouldn't trust them not to snoop for me on here!

I get this too! I had DD1 when I was 24, DD2 when I was 27, & I'm now 28. I did feel young when I had my first - everyone at NCT was 10 years older than me. My partner & I have 4 degrees between us & I feel out of kilter with my cohort from uni etc, who are all just starting to have babies having established a career first... Hmm. Was talking about this with my parents at the weekend & ended up looking it up - the average age of the first time mother in the UK is 29. I was not surprised - most of the mums "like me" I meet are 30+.

Oh! And one mum - who I was standing next to watching our children on the slide - said "you must be really young - or do you have a great skin care regime?". I was gobsmacked.

Just gave her a bit of a pissed-off mouthful myself Jjingle. Bloody idiot.

I was 19 when DD was born and although it didn't cross my mind at the time , when she got a bit older an started activities like dancing etc all the girls where the same age as her but all the mums were around 10 years older than me , had been married for years and had either had another child or where pg with dc2 . I did feel a bit like an outsider at first but the other mums where nothing but nice to me so it was really in my head .

I sometimes worry about this, but not too much. I've had no comments, and I've only once had a look from a lady on the bus, who slowly looked me up and down (I was heavily pregnant) gave me a right dirty look, and went back to reading her copy of the Daily Mail The cliche wasn't lost on me.

I'm outed daily as my normal names JjandtheBean, the kids nicknames and with such ignorant spirited children I call the alot

I get the other sort of comments,as I have moved to an area where early motherhood is the norm and I've had mine in my forties . I feel jealous of young mothers,wish I'd been able to have baby at 22. I think it is lovely to have start your family young,and all the young mothers I know are great,I never feel as though I'm a better mother because I'm older.

mrschemist sometimes there ignorance can brighten our day.

Like the women who muttered at dd whinging in pizza hut when she was 6-7mo, something about she's probably waiting for a bottle of formular or a jar to be heated, she soon catsbummouthed when I stuck her up my top for a feed and then removed a pot of finger food for when shed finished whilst ds ate pasta and salad not pizza --while she watched-- it was one of those moments where it didn't hurt I just smiled and enjoyed.

Removed the finger food from my BAG not bra just to clear that up.

Indeed Jjingle

The best thing I ever learnt was to just not take it to heart, although I know it's easy to say, 'take no notice,' but it's a very hard one to put into practice.

Most of our parents were in their 20s when they had us and they all did a pretty good job - it's only now that it's really common to wait until your 30s to have children. I say ignore anyone who's negative about your age - what the hell do they know about you or your parenting skills? We all feel clueless and out of our depth on occasion and we all have kids who behave horribly at times and generally it has nothing to do with the age of the parents. Anyone who would judge you on a such a thing isn't worth worrying about IMO.

I know it sounds stupid, but I wasn't aware of how young my mum and grandma were when they started a family, they both did it within two years of when I did, its just times change, 'back then' people got married young, me and dp aren't married, we'd love to be though, seems something always pops up, were booked and slowly paying off but have just postponed by a year as pud is due in june! But being married will make no difference to our 'dynamic' so to speak, our life and living conditions won't alter, its just wrapping up those loose ends y'know. And being a 'proper' family.

My one friend who has children I met at a netmums meet, I thought she was roughly my age, she's not, I asked tonight. She knew my age as my 21st was celebrated at a meet. And it doesn't matter we share similar parenting beliefs and that's it. We are friends.

I'm going to remove myself from my soapbox now and go to bed, the teenager in my still remains wrt sleeping habbits whoops.

And to those who stood up for us all towards the delightful caroline on facebook, well done

Wow, thanks everyone. It;s good to hear the story from the older mums' perspective too. There are a few 'young' names I recognise on here who I thought were a bit older! Luckily I'm not on the MN facebook group but well done everyone who said something.

I sympathise with people who've had bad experiences with HCPs. The midwife at my booking appointment went on and on about applying for a council house, healthy start grants and other benefits even though I had told her that DH and I both work and own our house. She acted as though I was lying, which was quite upsetting.

I took DS to lots of baby groups while I was on maternity leave and was always the youngest there by a good 10 years. I've made some good friends though and the age difference doesn't seem to matter.

To the poster who said she felt uncomfortable going shoppin during work hours: me too. I work part-time so I'm usually wearing office clothes anyway. I could get changed but I don't

mountaindew I'm so sorry for you. Thanks for sharing your experience.

So sorry mountaindew

I love confounding people's expectations. Several mutterings from people around campus when I was 8 months pregnant. Soon shut up when I waddled into a classroom and deposited my stuff on the desk at the front and told my students to shut up.

Mind you even the admin/grounds staff have trouble believe I'm teaching rather than taking the classes.

Age has nothing to do with it i think. once your baby is born, your natural mothering instincts kick in, whether you are 18 or 38. how would a 38 year old first time mum know any better about what to do with a new baby than an 18 year old? she wouldnt.

i am 33 and my ds1 is now 4 months old - i actually feel a bit old to be a first time mother and wish i had done it ten yrs ago tbh!

Hi, i'm 22, fell pregnant at 20, had her at 21, and now 22 and 17 weeks pregnant with Dc2. In an unbelievably happy relationship and we love our DD and expectant child.

I don't care what people think, yeah you get the looks, but i just think "jealousy" and i did feel a bit self-conscious at baby groups when i started, and also being a breastfeeding mum i felt so nervous, but i threw myself in the deep end, finding myself in a group of older mums and felt fine.

I am hoping to start a breastfeeding group for younger mums (with help from my cousin who is older) but she thinks it would be fab as a lot of yougn mums do have that fear at first.

age is just a number, how you love your child is whats important, unconditional love is the most important factor.

I'm 24, will be 25 when baby is born (unless they decide to come on my bday or just before - due date is 6 days after my 25th) - I don't feel young at all. I'm in my mid-twenties for goodness sake

Hi,

No sure why I looked at this thread but had to comment-apologies as a bit off the original post.

I was 38 when I had my first baby, my mum had me at 22 and although I had lots of life experiences they really didnt involve anything baby or child related. The usual work, going out, holidays, etc etc.

I always said I would like to have kids early (20's!)but it took to 35 to meet the right man.

I had never changed a nappy, given a bottle etc etc and had no more a clue about having or caring for a baby than someone in their teens or twenties. I have every respect for "young" mums and dont think the babies are different! There were a lot of basic, stupid mistakes made which I suppose as an older mum I felt I shouldnt have made given I was "older".

Motherhood at any age is tough enough its a shame sone people seem to target "younger" mums for comment.

I have met several early 20's mums who are much better at parenting than I am.

I was pregnant at 19, had dd just after I turned 20 and I felt very self conscious especially at birthing classes and breastfeeding cafe etc so avoided them. Had some comments, a few negative but mostly surprised. I'm now 26 and just had ds. People quite often assume I'm a first time mum so get some comments still when they realise I have a 6 year old. I spent a long time trying to look older, stopped dying my hair, took my nose piercibg out and now after having ds I've realised just because I have two kids does not mean I have to look and dress middle aged and if I want to dye my hair bright red then I can. Now I want to look young while I can, I'd rather that than people being surprised when they find out I'm 26 because I look old

Its funny I am about to have my second and find quite a few 'thirties' mothers a bit intense about mothering in general. As a result tbh I tend to find myself mixing with the younger ones.

In terms of the old women being rude have any of you actually asked them how old they think you are? The old biddies who work in Sainsburys ask me for ID and I'm 34. Therefore if you are 23 they prob think that you look 15. In their generation everyone had babies in their 20s and.lots in their late teens so their comments to me seem a bit odd!

Oh just enjoy! And I say this as a first time mother at 36. There's pros and cons to everything. You get plenty of time to consider how many more children you'd like to try for etc. Theres no perfect time to have kids I think. Maybe try to find some parents in your age bracket that you like, or even any other parents you like I. Dont other peoples assumptions get you down.

And you'll find judgey people about regardless what age you have children