how many of you have never had your DC looked after over night?

[alwayswantedamrfrosty99]

my DS is nearly 20 months old,he has never been looked after over night by anyone

my parents have him 2 days a week while me and OH are at work,my OH works 7 days a week at the min so i have DS 5 days a week

all i hear off other mums is,my mums got my LO this sat night so i can go out,or my parents have asked if they can have my LO for the weekend,my mum will babysit,she comes to our house but we have to be home by 11

how much help do you get with your LO s? do your parents offer to have them or do u have to ask

just curious

anyone want to volunteer? dd doesnt sleep till 11pm (she is 8), screams her head off and has seizures. Any takers to 'make her independant'?

Advertise? What do you mean advertise? Just put a note in the paper? "Wanted: Random people to mind my kids, and I'll occasionally mind yours. We've never met but I'm sure it will be fine; we'll do overnighters even!"

Don't be ridiculous!! I put an advert in the paper. I interviewed them with DC to play with. One reply was my neighbour-a nursery school teacher and if she couldn't sit her mother did and acted as extra granny. The other was a 6th former from the next road, it turned out I knew her mother and the 3rd was the Head Girl of the local private school, again she lived very locally. All excellent.
When I was a babysitter in 6th form I got my jobs through friends of teachers asking if they knew anyone. If they were going to be late home I stayed overnight. I could get hold of them in an emergency and my mother was on hand.

When I wasn't a single parent I joined a circle, they lived locally, they were all responsible adults and good parents.

People can do it-it isn't a virtue to never be away from your DC. There are times, as they get older that you need to. I had a DC at secondary school and there were things that I went to there when I had a baby and toddler that I couldn't take them to and DH was away and I didn't have family locally. You need a network. Whatever would happen if you were rushed into hospital?

Some poeple just dont have that exotic. A friend has to take her two year old twins into hospital when her older child was having serious surgery and keep them there. As a single parent she had nowhere to put them.

No-one is being 'virtuous', just saying its impossible in their circumstances to get either a babysitter or have their child elsewhere overnight.

Mine have only ever been looked after overnight by MIL twice. She's 3. DP and I usually stay with them.

But then they are treating my advert as if I am irresponsible and it is a stupid theing to do, they don't trust teachers to pick them a 6th former and they don't trust neighbours.
It takes a village to raise a DC IMO and you need a network. If you don't have handy family you need to find one.
I daresay I am pessimistic-having being suddenly widowed out of the blue-but my biggest relief is getting my DCs to an age where they can manage without me. If I suddenly died I would hate them to have never had a single night away. Probably it is just me and my life experience-and it isn't something people want to contemplate.
I think that advertising is sensible. Lots of people are quite capable of baby sitting.

Sorry-replying to KalSkirata

Very sensible comments exotic and you speak from sad experience.

I also agree that 'it takes a village' - I am always amazed when people on mumsnet say they don't know their neighbours, can't ask anyone a favour etc etc - we have moved a few times, have never had family locally so it is essential to build up local contacts.

Sorry-I didn't see your earlier one KalSkirta so I agree that you couldn't just take my advice. However it is something that would interest me as an older person-giving some respite care.

Absolutely Ragwort-how do you do simple things like get your DC to school if you are ill etc if you don't make a network? I asked about babysitting circles-phoned up the organiser and went to a coffee evening to meet people. They were all perfectly capable of babysitting.

my dd is 2.6 and hasnt spent a night away from me. Shes never stopped at her dads overnight as he doesnt want her more than 6 hours a week!

You don't have to be bosom pals-but we all need a helping hand sometimes.

It took me until DS was 17 months on our wedding night that he stayed with his grandparents. I was beside myself with worry. The second time was a month later at a wedding we couldn't take him to. Again I was worried but a little less so. He had a ball. He's only 23 months now but he's stayed at theirs a few times since. In fact he's there tonight and as it's DH's birthday and he'll be there next Saturday as we have another night out planned (xmas do). When they come to pick him up, he can't get out the door quick enough! I must admit that does upset me a little bit but I'm glad he's so happy to go and spend time with them and they adore him so everyone wins. Plus I've got two big fat weeks with him at Christmas which I can't wait for.

To be fair I suppose it depends on your neighbourhood and the type of people who live in it. Having seen the recent thread where people think taking illegal drugs is compatible with being a parent, my advice wouldn't work in all places.

Mine are 2 and 4 and never been left as no one to leave them with.
We are going on a big night out tonight and everyone else has their children staying over with parents or inlaws. They think we are being awkward as we have to get home for the babysitter while they can carry on partying!

My children are 5 and 3. I had a night away from the eldest once when I was in hospital having the youngest. Husband was looking after her though, so doesn't count as babysitting. And my night wasn't exactly a night off.

DD is 2.5 she has spent one night away from me, with DH staying with her Uncle and my niece. She has been looked after for a few hours a few times by my mum and I should expect will be left for longer with her when I have DD2 in February. The only reason I haven't let her stay overnight anywhere is the lack of responsible family and friends nearby.

In my observation, single parents & widows/widowers get A LOT of support. I have been part of the network of friends who stepped up to bat when friends' marriages broke up or one parent in a family died. So yes we all moved heaven & earth to step forward with offers to help out in many different ways.

But it doesn't work like that when you are still in a marriage. People don't jump forward to say "I'll have your kids any time"; understandably. Each & every time we've asked (yes we have asked, like when I suddenly went into hospital for 5 days, or we had to rush DH off to places at sudden notice) it's felt like a HUGE ask. Asking for casual/optional "Can you have my kids for the night just because I think it'd be good for them" or "I'd like to have a meal out without them" would be.... ridiculous, really.

I think we're talking at Xpurposes, ExoticF. You seem to know heaps of people who won't let go of their kids at all, which is fair enough thing to object to. Whereas I know lots of people like me would be overjoyed to dump our kids on anyone trustworthy who was willing; but we don't think it's an easy thing to ask, and friends aren't jumping up & down with offers. Plus I have one child who is especially volatile & people tell me they don't know how to handle him. So I have to think carefully. I won't ask unless my need is pretty extreme. Ime, other parents do not recipricate sleepovers or playdates, either.

I think we're in opposite Universes, really!

I agree totally lljkk and I think that you have to separate the ones 'devoted' to their DCs so they are glued and simply won't let their DC make a relationship on their own with people and make it a virtue that 'they haven't had a night out in 10yrs', as if all that is good for their DC, and those who would love to leave them but can't for various reasons.

I just get riled by people suggesting that advertising or asking a school means that I would leave my DC with any random person! How do you think people choose nannies? Advertising is perfectly acceptable. I made them reply by letter and that rules out a lot without even seeing them. The rest were carefully vetted by me.
Lots of people are quite capable of looking after your DC for a few hours.

Well, I took the "advertise" to be a call for people with whom you would swap babysitting services for free (ie, to form a "babysitting circle" with, not employed by you, not referenced in the way you would an employee). That's the way it came across, sorry to say! How cheap is it to run CRB checks on people you just want to employ for free; or do other background checks? And not many people are going to have other people's kids (not relatives) for free overnight, don't you agree?

I understand that in your situation, the heavy responsibility of sole parenthood, you felt you had to toughen up your kids a bit to deal on their own with adults without you; for people like me though, it would just seem like rather unnecessary stress if they found it very upsetting.

I tried my youngest with a childminder when he was 15 months old; she caved & broke the contract after about 5 sessions & a total of 7 hours of minding him, most of which he was asleep, because he screamed the rest of the time and it was making her work environment intolerable. I would have persisted with the arrangement, but CM wasn't having it. So it's not like I haven't tried. Older 3 DC were in paid childcare by 3-10 months old, too. But that's not the same as having someone on tap for optional overnight sitting.

Youngest now nearly 4yo & I could find competent PAID babysitters for my mob, but I don't have the energy or interest or need currently (other than a hypothetical "it might be good for them").

Blimy since when did justification be required either way? The op wasn't asking for it.

Dd is 23 months Ds is 8 last year his school residential was his first night away from home. He was fine, so fine in fact he won a school award for being so independent and capable, and helping the others who couldn't manage.

I don't think people should say "it's for their benefit really, it's just a coincidence I had something to do that night" kind of thing.

The op is going to get people saying they've never left their dcs on this thread as that is the question she asked

Sorry never finished the second from last paragraph, you shouldn't ever have to justify leaving your children with someone you trust.

DD is 3 and stays with GPs either mine or DHs every week midweek. She loves it, they love it, I miss her like crazy. She has her own bedroom with toys at each GP. But then I did go on a Xmas do when she was 5 days old so I'm clearly a dreadful mother.

only when i've been in hospital having younger siblings which i think comes to 3 nights in total and had relative look after them in my house, ive not let them stay over anywhere else. i feel they are too young, my oldest is 3 then nearly 2 and 4 months old has never been left whether day or night. my mum always asks to have ds1 stay at hers but i just feel no way, i wont be able to relax at all and they live very far away, i would be really worried. i think its fine for other peoples dc if they are comfy with it but i just woulndt be comfy

A handful of times at PIL's, never with anyone else. More really because it is a big treat for DC rather than anything else. DH and I don't go out a lot, but if we have one which is a bit late for a sitter or whatever, then MIL will gladly have them for us (and as I say, we don't say it's because Mum and Dad are going out, we say it is a treat for them!).

Maybe 4 nights a year? I wouldn't want to ask any more as I don't really need it, so would be taking liberties, and would rather ask for favours when I really need them, and the "treat" factor would wear off possibly for DC.

21 months tomorrow, no she hasn't but

(i) she's only just started sleeping through
(ii) family live 2 hours away, 4 months ago we lived in the states and
(iii) we now have a baby so not like we would get rest anyway.

When we've stayed with my DM or she has stayed with us, she takes her when she wakes up which is what helps us loads.