how many of you have never had your DC looked after over night?

[alwayswantedamrfrosty99]

my DS is nearly 20 months old,he has never been looked after over night by anyone

my parents have him 2 days a week while me and OH are at work,my OH works 7 days a week at the min so i have DS 5 days a week

all i hear off other mums is,my mums got my LO this sat night so i can go out,or my parents have asked if they can have my LO for the weekend,my mum will babysit,she comes to our house but we have to be home by 11

how much help do you get with your LO s? do your parents offer to have them or do u have to ask

just curious

He's only 23 m.o. and hasn't yet had a night away from us.

We left him with my parents for an hour or so when he was 3 m.o., then he got bad separation anxiety at 6 m.o. and since then we've only left him twice and then only for 30 mins at a time.

He isn't happy with being left with anyone other than his grandmothers and we've not yet been brave enough to see whether they would manage to get him to sleep (he doesn't 'self-settle' yet).

Our families live an hour or so's drive away, and we don't really have room for them to stay over here, so it would mean DH and I going out in the day - and hence not seeing our visiting family, which would seem to defeat the object of them coming to see us. A whole day round-trip for them just to look after DS while we go out feels like a bit of a cheek to ask, especially when they're busy.

My DD will be 15mths when we leave her with her grandparents next summer. We're going away for 3 nights to celebrate our 40ths and GPs are coming to our house to look after her. They'll do the 3 nights between them. We plan to have a couple of 1 night trial runs before then. Fingers crossed they go well cos we've already booked our flights .

Should probably add that my mum sees DD every week, and MIL about every 3 weeks so DD is used to being looked after by them for short periods already.

Me and my eldest is 20. My mum lived hundreds of miles away and inlaws would never offer.
Im looking forward to going out with my zimmer frame at this rate!

DS didn't until he was 2.2. It didn't go well. The next time he was 2.4 and he stayed at home but my mum stayed with him, he was fine, but she found it very unsettling and said she wouldn't do it again :( So now it's just waiting until he's old enough to cope going to stay at someone else's house, or old enough for the idea of a sleepover to be exciting. There's nobody really except his childminder whose house he is comfortable enough at to be happy to stay at night I think, and she doesn't do overnights.

I think if you start early and/or they're happy with the person and the place then it's fine, but I couldn't start that early as DS was breastfed. Once they get to the stage of not needing night feeds, separation anxiety kicks in! So you're stuck really. It's a trade off though.

Mine are 7 and 2 and have never been away overnight. I have had a couple of nights away with work before the youngest was born but dh was at home with dd1 so doesn't count. We have no family close enough to have them like that - my mum and IL's come and stay with us to help during holidays so dh and I have the odd night out together then. I DREAM of them going away overnight, just once or twice a year, but my eldest is a homebody and still a bit clingy (she was dreadful as a toddler, wouldn't let me out of her sight for a second, she was the last of her peers to be happy to be left at parties etc) and I won't force the issue, it's up to her when she feels ready. I strongly suspect that the little one wouldn't be bothered in the slightest! All grandparents have offered to have them for a few days but until dd1 is happy to go it looks like she's staying put :)

I haven't DS is 15 mo and bf at night though. TBH I've only left him for an evening about 4 times

I left my 15wk old EBF DS with my DM a fortnight ago. I hated it but everything was fine and my DM does every bit as good a job as me. I'm sure he'll stay with his grandparents a lot more by the time he's 1. Feel guilty now.

Me.
Not until they went to guide/scout camp.

Let me clarify that, GPs would take one or the other but not both.
DS has AS and so for a long time he couldn't cope with anyone in his house except those who were supposed to be there.
We had one weekend where they were both on camp at the same time.

My DS has not stayed over-night at anyone's house & the longest I have left him is 8 hours whilst I did a on-off, full day at work. I can do everything I need to do with him with me except work..where I only go 4 hours a week. We go out as a family so our DS gets quality time with us.

Never had children looked after overnight. The only time they are away is when they are at sleepover parties.

Our eldest is 20 and we have only had one night away, and that was this year. My 17 yo looked after his younger siblings, with me phoning every 2 hours to check in.

We never had grandparents help out on a regular basis. At best, once every two years.

quite mixed then,i would just love it for someone to say can i take your DS out for a few hours,unless im at work or poorly i have never spent any time on my own in the 19 months since i had DS

i love him dearly but feel like it would be nice for someone to give me a break now and then

my ILS live 100 miles away so its out of the question to ask them,i also have fond memories of staying with granparents but i just dont think thats gonna happen for my DS

DD1 1 night well until 6am whilst I was in hosp giving birth to dd2. Otherwise never. Have been out for a few ( count on one hand) evenings in almost 6 years. My children - my responsibility! Plus the only people I would even consider leaving them with overnight live over 400miles away.

I don't think there's any need to feel guilty about either leaving your DC overnight or not leaving them.

If they're with someone they're comfortable with overnight and it doesn't upset them, there's no reason to feel guilty about it. Likewise, if for whatever reason your DCs have never spent a night away from you, it won't do them any harm. Sure, some might find it tough when they first do a "residential", but many would probably take it in their stride.

IMO

Me.

DS is 11.

We've never needed overnight babysitting cos if one of us has to be away the other is here.

We are both homebodies too. Going out is my idea of a lousy evening. We only do it for local festas when all the kids will be going and that is by definition a family thing so...still no babysitting required.

My NDN took DS for the whole day and most of the evening the day FIL died and we had to rush to Milan when the ambulance called to ask if we wanted them to try to resuscitate. Other NDN has taken him for the whole day a few times when both of us were needed to track down and/or persuade MIL to go to hospital. And four of his mates mums, who I know well, have offered to have him day or night if needed in the next couple of weeks cos MIL is going downhill at the mo.

Actaully maybe we should organised something so he could be with somebody else for a non emergency situation.

Perhaps I should start the ball rolling with sleepovers. Not least cos he is desperate for one and they aren't that fashionable here so am not holding out hope for somebpdy elses starting off the trend. He doesn't have an issue being cared for by somebody else, but looking at it there must be something of a negative taint to the scenario of being babysat, given the circs under which it always seems to happen.

My DCs are 10 and 7. One or other of them have been away overnight on camps or sleepovers, never both away at the same time. GPs have never looked after them. We have never had a time when we both absolutely needed them looked after, and GPs are reluctant to say the least.

I'm very, very lucky when it comes to family help.

Dd1 first slept out when she was just a few weeks old. She was born on the 9th of Dec when I was just 21 and my OH fucked off and left us. She was kind of adopted by the whole family. My mum had her on her first x-mas eve so I could go and meet my friends in the local as per normal and then I also went back to my mums for a sleepover so I didn't have to wake up on xmas morning in an empty house.

My Gran her that New Years eve and day. In August that year my mum had her for ten days so I could go on a girly holiday. My sister's regularly had her so I could spend time with friends.

I get less help now I have two, expecially as dd2 is not an easy child like dd1 was, but the help is still there if I ask. My mum and dad take them camping for a week each summer and my sister has them both over one night of the summer holidays as does my mum.

I love my family.

Even if you don't particularly want time away from your children don't you think it is important for them to have a little independence? What would happen if you needed to go to hospital/or worse ...............? I believe my role is to bring up my DS so that he doesn't depend on myself and DH totally, that is why I have always encouraged sleepovers etc from a very young age, (see earlier post, we don't have family nearby either).

I appreciate that it is not always easy but I do think it is important for children to learn to spend time with different (trusted) adults - I take children away camping (scouting) and it is quite worrying for children who have never, ever been away from home.

I never spent the night away from my parents until I went on Brownie pack holiday, where I took it completely in my stride. I then went off on a school residential trip for a week, when I still had never had a 'sleepover' at friends' or with relatives. I guess whether or not it's a good thing depends on the child. I was a shy and nervous child and a real home-bird, FWIW.

and it is quite worrying for children who have never, ever been away from home

Well it will be the first time. Doesn't matter what age you do it at, they will get a wibble to some degree. Staying overnight with grandparents doesn't negate the all the "oh this is new and different and I'm not 100% sure I like it" aspects of a camping trip with non family for all the kids, all of the time.

I used to do ESL summer school. Even older kids who had been away before had the occasional wobble.

To be honest I think it is down more to personality than practice. I went to boarding school and that didn't cure me of a distinct dislike of staying over at friends houses and I still had a touch of the "not at home in own bed with own family" wibbles on a ranger camp when I was 15.

All in all it's not something that overly concerns me UNLESS the family is going hell bent to teach the child that outside the home is dangerous, anybody not family is untrustworthy and veetoing overnight stuff that actually the kid would be quite keen on if people stopped scaring them silly about the "dangers" of it. That played merry hell with my DHs ability to adjust to be away from home.

I'm thinking of a residential activity holdiay camp for DS this summer. I'd like to get him some practice at sleeping in unfamilar surrounding beforehand, but if the other mums aren't for the sleepover idea, oh well never mind. I'll still let him go on the holiday thing. To be honest he is that gung ho I'm not sure practice will make any difference. I fully expect to have to drag him back home protesting wildly at the end of the week either way.

I'm am totally bemused at how DH and I, both a bit wet when kids, managed to produce such a confident kid. If it hadn't been c-sec and the fact he was the only blonde baby in the nursery I'd have started considering a "switched at birth" scenario by now.

You can find babysitters! Join a circle, start a circle, ask at the local 6th form, advertise. I was a single parent without family near-I managed to get babysitters-other people are responsible and can cope with your DC.

Well bully for you...

Advertise? What do you mean advertise? Just put a note in the paper? "Wanted: Random people to mind my kids, and I'll occasionally mind yours. We've never met but I'm sure it will be fine; we'll do overnighters even!"
?

And no, people don't cope with DS2, they tell me as much! Frequently. Gawd, I have found it hard enough to find paid babysitters who I thought could competently cope with my rowdy mob of 4 for a few hours. Never mind free sitters.

I know I lack the charm to talk anybody into anything, and that's not going to ever change. Couldn't even get the next-door neighbour to share the school run very occasionally when our boys were in the same class for three years.

You can find babysitters! Join a circle, start a circle, ask at the local 6th form, advertise

Not a chance. I'll happily leave DS with NDN and his friends' mums that I know in a pinch. But there is no way I'd leave him with somebody I DIDN'T know that well, all by himself.

I still remember a babysitter that was the product of a recomendation that our mum left us with.

She terrified all three of us by screaming at us, and then slapped my little sister.

I was nearly 10, just a year and a bit younger than my son is now, used to being left with babysitters and fairly resourceful. But I was fecking terrifed that night.

My poor mum was in bits when our NDN called her at the mess to say her oldest had turned up in her nighty begging for her parents to be called.

DS (4.5) has stayed overnight with one granny about once a fortnight since he was 10 months old. They both love it. His other granny has him overnight about once overt couple of months. Again much fun is had all round.

I am very very lucky and in our case I think everyone benefits hugely.

I have three friends without any family available to help out whose DC have stayed at our house so that they can have a rare night out or in emergencies. Now that DS is making friends at school I would be happy to do the same for some of them (I realise that parents would need to get to know me first etc.).

Never ...ds1 aged 18 has slept out twice since he went to uni even then he phoned home at 2am.