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Parenting

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Original poster

Do you regret having four children?

39 replies

CheesyWotzits · 07/10/2011 19:15

I have 3 DCs and would like a fourth. I read a post on here a while back where someone mentioned an article in the |Guardian saying the vast majority of people regret having their fourth... Couldn't ever find the article but can't imagine it could be true,,,,?

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DaisySteiner · 07/10/2011 19:19

Really? No way! Much as I love all of them it wasn't until the fourth that I really relaxed and just totally enjoyed having a baby. I can't imagine life without him now. To be honest, I think after the third it gets easier because life is so chaotic anyway one more doesn't make much difference

upahill · 07/10/2011 19:21

I regret not having four.

jeee · 07/10/2011 19:24

No, but she is only four! But I can't imagine ever regretting her. We called her our 'luxury extra'.

The only thing I did find was that the others were 3, 5 and 6 when she was born, so I had just left the baby stages behind (you know, high chairs, dressing the children.... that kind of stuff), and I had to start again.

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lostinafrica · 07/10/2011 19:31

Ha ha! I chuckled at that, cos someone once said that to me - "don't have four - it's too much; I wish I hadn't," and I thought, "Nah, how could you regret it?"

Couple of years later and I've lost count of the number of times I've thought, "You can't turn back the clock, can you? I'm not coping, what now??" Mostly thought this through the first year, it's true.

I think it partly depends what ages the other three are. My others were still quite young (eldest was 6), so it can be quite overwhelming on some days. DH also works so many hours (and goes on frequent trips) that the parenting is all down to me most of the time - and I do get sick of putting 4 dcs to bed one by one every night.

But, while I'm being brutally honest, I have to admit that I did - at times, in the early days - regret having kids at all. I don't think like that now, too far down the line: it's just life.

A friend of mine whose 4 were aged 10 and up said that yes it had been really hard when they were all small, but they were such brilliant company now and it was all much easier. I do (now) have more days when I think that than the alternative you read - and my youngest is not yet 2.

StuntCubble · 07/10/2011 19:35

Yes, yes I do. I feel like a social pariah, people never seem to want to invite us as there are do many of us. Since having my fourth it's been endless loneliness, misery and drudgery. I love them all but sometimes I wish I hadn't had them and I fantisise constantly about disappearing

Original poster

CheesyWotzits · 07/10/2011 19:35

I knew a woman whose father was one of 21!!! How did women cope in years gone by with large numbers of children??!!

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mamasmissionimpossible · 07/10/2011 19:38

This thread is eye opener. I always dreamt about having 4 dc. We are about to have DC 3, but perhaps we should stop there before madness sets in.

Original poster

CheesyWotzits · 07/10/2011 19:40

I come from a very small family and always dreamed of creating a large family and growing old surronded by grandchildren and big family christmas's

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Silence · 07/10/2011 19:42

Four is a joy.
Mine are older, still at school but not babies now and it is fabulous.
Loads of kids hang out here, love it

mummsnetbware · 07/10/2011 19:43

I love having 4. It's great. Never ever regretted it.

Original poster

CheesyWotzits · 07/10/2011 19:45

Did you guys always know you would have four/ want a big family?

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JeanBodel · 07/10/2011 19:47

This is going to sound horrible, but I'm posting anyway in the hope that it will be helpful to someone.

I'm the oldest of five children. When I was a child I did regret that my parents had so many. Not that I didn't love my siblings, but there was so little money or resources or attention for any of us. My parents were always too tired to spend any quality time with us. There was no money for school trips or piano lessons or anything beyond subsistence.

I think we all know how much money and time and love we have to give. If you've got enough for four children, then that's wonderful and I'm sure you'll have a great family life. But if you think you might not be able to keep giving time and attention, day after day, or if money is already tight and you're making sacrifices, then I would reconsider it.

MindtheGappp · 07/10/2011 19:50

I can't get my mind around the idea of regretting a child that you already know and love.

I have five and I know it is a stretch financially (all ours are privately educated), but I could even contemplate the thought of picking which one to "send back".

JeanBodel · 07/10/2011 19:55

See, I had to leave my wonderful private school, to which I won a full scholarship, because my parents couldn't afford my bus fare.

But I'm working through the bitterness!

hanahsaunt · 07/10/2011 19:59

I have four and they are a joy and a delight.

They are in 2 batches (i.e. 11 and 8.5 then 4 and 20mo) which has in and of itself created its own set of issues; it is hard work because the younger two are their own critical mass rather than the third just tagging along behind the older two. But we thought it was very important for our then youngest to have a sibling (as it were) particularly when it comes to the point when the second has left and he would effectively be an only for five years which wouldn't be much fun for him esp at holiday time.

It can be a bit dull negotiating family tickets and the like as the largest grouping (generally) catered for is 5 but in the great scheme of things that's a minor irritation.

One set of GPs made it clear when I was pg with #3 that they would never have more than 2 to stay (without us) at a time. But again - that's ok!

It is a thought on holidays etc (but we don't do many as much time is taken with visiting both sets of GPs and aunts/uncles as they all live at a distance).

But would we change it? Never.

jellybeans · 07/10/2011 20:04

I have 5 DC. My first 4 were in 5 years then a bigger gap with DC5. I have NEVER regretted it (yet!). I won't lie though, it is exhausting at times and costs a bomb (especially as they get older) and I sometimes feel bad I can't give them so much one to one. The house is chaos at times but I enjoy it and always wanted a big family. I don't feel they suffer as they do lots of activities etc but we don't go abroad much as it is too much hassle and too expensive. The best thing is that they have each others company and the house is never dull, there is always someone to chat with. It's not for everyone but it works for us :)

rycooler · 07/10/2011 20:09

I enjoyed my 4th the most, older and more relaxed I suppose - 4 children is a fab amount, just right.

mummsnetbware · 07/10/2011 20:15

My No3 and No4 say "the boys broke you in for us we get away with blue murder"

rycooler · 07/10/2011 20:20

JB - I don't think a private education and piano lessons are vital for a happy childhood - but I understand your point.

lesstalkmoreaction · 07/10/2011 20:24

The 4th is definately the best, i'm much more chilled,older and more relaxed and I enjoyed the baby stage more.
My proudest moments are all 4 of them walking down the road laughing and holding hands, I have 2 girls age 16 and 14 and boys age 9 and 6 and they often pair off. The eldest and the youngest have a soft spot for each other and the 2 middle ones are really good together.
The 4th child is definately the cutest with a huge personality as he seems to have all the good bits from all the other children.

chocolatchaud · 07/10/2011 20:34

No I definitely don't regret having 4 - I don't think I have ever heard anyone say they regret having a child (in RL), moreso the other way round.

4 is fab - I live in a state of permanent disorganisation and exhaustion, but it is constant fun and I hope there is a lot of love in this house!

naturalbaby · 07/10/2011 20:45

i know 2 people who are 1 of 4's and regret it, saying it was too much and their parents couldn't cope.

i know 1 of 5 who has nothing bad to say about having 4 siblings.
i have 2 siblings and always wondered about how things would be if there were only 2 of us - more time, money etc etc but now i'm older i am really gratefull for more than 1 sibling.

i have 3 (all v.v.young) and am loosing the plot but wondering about having a 4th. dh will loose the will to live!

WhoopsieDaisie · 07/10/2011 21:01

Yes - could not decide which one to give back though!

WhoopsieDaisie · 07/10/2011 21:03

I would have managed better with 2 but 2nd preg was twins so was out of my hands. Thought one more would not make much of a difference to the chaos.

OriginalGhoster · 07/10/2011 21:07

We have four, all twoish years apart, and a puppy, and still make jokes about twins, because when we were married my dh said 6 dcs and 2 dogs....

I love it, it was hard especially when the first 3 were under 4 together, as we had a major bereavement and some serious illness in my family. We also had to find a car that takes 6 and all the car seats plus luggage, and a house which was bigger and needed, and still needs a lot of work.

They are older now, oldest 13, they are great company for us and each other. It can be expensive, but I have learnt over the years what is worth spending on and what is not. I do put a lot of effort into cooking meals that stretch to 6.

But to answer your post, I never regretted it, except maybe on the winter school runs when dd was newborn, and I was struggling to get along the icy pavements with a double buggy and two little ones!

I think four was right for me, my broodiness is fading, and the puppy is my baby now

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