Tips for new a mum?:)

[sarahhar]

Hi, my friend's having her first baby in October and I'm putting together a scrapbook of quirky/ fun/ unusual/ interesting tips for her baby shower. Anyone have any suggestions? Words of wisdom, to practical insider tips would be amazing. I don't have kids, so I'm clueless!

Thanks so much :)

If your baby won't settle by itself in its crib/moses basket/cot, try putting in an unwashed T shirt you have been wearing. It'll smell of you and comfort them.

This tip was given to me by a vet who also has a son the same as mine. She uses on animals who are seperated from their mums (with straw rather than T shirts!) and it worked a treat on DS.

Relax and trust your instinct

I wish I had known this this with my PFB. I worried about all sorts of funny things. Like tool him to hospital when he rolled off sofa, panic attacks because he didn't do a poo for a few days. With DD I realise that most of things I worried about didn't matter at all

Buy a stick blender for when they're weaning and don't listen to anyone who tells you their newborn baby sleeps throughout the night.

Buy a billion muslins.

They're good for everything. I've even wiped my butt with them when I went to use public toilets, baby slinged (slung? slonged?) to me, and no frigging toilet paper in the loo.

And you can throw them over your head when the baby doesn't shut up screaming and every fucker within hearing distance (and some as aren't....) are staring at your ineffectual flappings and attempts to get said offspring to shut up.

And don't worry so much. By the time you've expelled your third baby from your butt, you'll have learnt that they cry, shit, vomit, bounce (on occasion) and still turn out alright.

Front-opening wrap vests, not envelope or popper neck. For babies who hate having anything pulled overhead. And for poonami situations.

You have to shop around a bit as they are not the default. When you do find them, they are often a bit pricey (Green Baby, Frugi, Petit Bateau) but cheaper versions are out there too (Vertbaudet, Mothercare).

Ours are mostly pre-loved posh-brand ones from eBay.

They all sleep through the night eventually.

Don't take it personally if the baby cries and cries and cries..

You can never 'spoil' a baby.

Do not try to do too much for the first month. You can tell people when their visit is over.

Please yourself. Do what is best for you and your baby. Ignore the rest.

Co-sleeping is the most amazing way to get some shuteye in the early days, and it's fine if you do it right.

How to co-sleep safely:
-don't do it if you're a heavy sleeper
-don't do it if you're a smoker, or have taken anything which might make you sleep heavily (like certain antihistamines or other drugs)
-never fall asleep with baby on the sofa
-push the bed next to the wall and put them on the inside
-if it helps you all sleep better, there's nothing wrong with DP sleeping elsewhere
-don't cover the baby with your quilt - it's too warm. Give them a lighter swaddling/sleeping bag of their own
-no pillow near baby
-wear a nice warm cardi or jumper or you'll freeze!

Simples.

It's already been said but love the tips to warm baby's own bed with a hot water bottle (take it out before you put them in obv) and put in a used t-shirt to comfort them with your smell, very clever.

It's normal for them to cry when put down.

Being changed on a freezing surface will make them cry, we used to change DS on a towel. Always make sure they're dry & slap on a thin layer of cream, helps prevent nappy rash.

Enjoy it, it seems like a age at the time but really they're wee for SUCH a short time

in the first few weeks give yourself at least two hours to get out of the house, dont worry about whether or not your doing it right, yes you are, your baby, your ways, nipple cream (!!), big comfy pads (!!), tons of food in freezer, make sure your ready for all the visitors, plenty of vases for all the flowers, expect little or no sleep.....be prepared to be bowled over by the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to you.......and make sure you do all the lovely things you want to do before the birth, you will get no you time for a good while

and it's fantastic! Oh and last of all, take loads of pics and savour the newness of that baby, it lasts but a very few weeks.

now broody here too.......

If you want to check if they are still breathing when they are asleep in the dark (and you will!) just focus on one piece of material on their babygro and see if it's moving. Then tell yourself not to worry too much: babies are stronger than they look and have an incredible will to survive.

If you are unsure of anything ask yourself how you would feel about it if it was you (eg would you like to left with Granny all day? would you like to put a jumper on?)
I'd say this works about 95% of the time.

Avoid bibs with the days of the week on. The idea that 1 bib per day is enough is delusional. On the days that your baby is wearing Thursday's bib on Saturday you will feel like a failure. On the days that your baby is wearing Tuesday's bib on Tuesday you will worry that there are malign spirits at work!

When doing up a babygro for the first time start from the bottom up and do up the poppers on alternate legs one at a time. That way you you avoid a fist full of babygro having gone wrong right at the start.

Ignore all advice. Some of it is mad. Some of it is dangerous.

I would add, find your own voice.

If people come over and are holding YOUR baby incorrectly. Correct them. If they come over and want to hold your baby and you're not in the mood or you don't like your brother's/sisters girlfriend/bestfriend/ride enough to let them hold your baby don't feel like you have to let them.

Don't be bashful about asking people to wash their hands before they hold your newborn. It's standard practice until they're a few weeks old, and you'll be glad when your little one doesn't get a cold!

Don't be pressured for 'you' time. If you're happy and content with your baby and don't need 'time to yourself' then don't be swayed to leave your baby with your MIL because she just wants a cuddle :)

Oh and have plenty of outfits, so that you don't have to stress about the inevitable baby poo that ends up on the first few before you get the hang of nappies on a newborn bum. Soaking/vanishing/bleaching will not happen in the first weeks - so don't worry about it. Toss it and move on.

Cuddle your baby as much as you like! Don't let anyone tell you you are spoiling them and you shouldn't be doing it as you will create bad habits! Rubbish, they will be contect and secure!

They grow up sooooo quickly and too soon they don't want to sit on your lap having snuggles for ages so enjoy every last second! :)

Place rolled up t-shirts that smell of you either side of the baby in moses basket - helps them feel enclosed and 'close' to mum when put down to sleep.

If the baby suffers from reflux (depositing small amounts of sick all the time) raise the mattress up at a slight angle so the baby does not lie completely flat.

agree with 'Motal' always check for sick on your clothes before leaving the house...my 6 month old seems to be very sneaky at depositing sick on me somewhere when I don't even realise!!

embrace visitors as its lovely to see people BUT definatley agree with the previous posts...ask them to make the tea, bring the food, etc - you are there to look after your newborn NOT make cups of tea and entertain people.

Above all Mum really does know best, as long as baby is fed, warm, loved, looked after then they will be content.

agree with BFing on your side and co-sleeping :) DD was in our bed by 3 days old as BFing and falling asleep together was so much easier than sitting up getting into a comfortable position and all that crap, get boob out, give it to baby, sleep. fantastic :) i used to put a blanket underneath her in case of sick

never got into muslins with DD but have hundreds bought for DS im hoping he's like big sis not sicky but all babies are different!

dont let anyone hold your baby if you dont want to no matter how insistent they are. my friends little sister wanted a hold of DD when she was about 6 weeks and was told no, it put her nose out of joint but as far as i was concerned she was too irresponsible to hold my baby and that was that.

any advice your given smile and nod i used to argue till i was blue in the face about how wrong ppl were and was proven right but its tiring arguing your point just listen nod then do whatever you think is best.

cuddle your baby as much as possible i was told i was spoiling DD and never really got into big cuddles with her. she is now 6 we still dont hug much its quite sad really :(

not all babies are routine-less, DD was fed at 4,8,12 from 2/3 days old she immediately set into it but she was one blimming easy baby!! even when she changed now and again to 2,6,10 she would set herself right back to her 4,8,12 routine within a day

most of all enjoy your baby because they dont stay that way for long and expect to be sad at every new stage they enter and be confused at this whole new person they are becoming. when they seem to have just learnt one thing suddenly they are learning another and it can be hard to keep up!

Next time wear a condom.

hello everyone. I would add that your friend joining MN is brilliant. I have just discovered it (pfb ds is 14 weeks old) and wishing I knew about it sooner. Already feeling much better about my skills as a mum and my ability to cope. I AM a good mum .

Also feel better about not listening to people's advice, sometimes this is very hard and does make you feel like you are doing things wrong, but mother does know best. If you try it and it doesn't work you are not a failure and at least now you know it doesn't work.

The advice thing also counts for your DP/DH as in most cases you will know your LO better than them, at least to start with as you are around more and learn what they need. Doesn't mean you shouldn't listen or respect their opinions but sometimes you do have to be firm (I need to do this more) and ignore guilt or negative feelings of letting them down if you think differently to them

Definitely agree with letting them find their own way to do things, DS already enjoys the different way his daddy plays with him and baths him, our only issues are feeding and that's a whole other kettle of fish

Do not expect them to follow a pattern or routine, even if they have one, every day. They have good days and bad days just like we do, days where they struggle to go off to sleep like we do and times when you don't want to eat much. Does not mean anything is wrong.

Don't be afraid to say you think something is wrong or seek other opinion.

Also agree that you shouldn't compare your LO to other LOs you know (we have been guilty of this comparing DS to nieces but I have managed to break habit)

enjoy every minute you can. There is always at least one moment in the day where they do something or just look at you and your heart swells with love and wonder. Give yourself a break as you are all learning and you will make mistakes.

Remember that to them you are their safe harbour, cleaner, protector, food provider, comforter, comedian, number one supporter, etc so it is no wonder they want to be with you and sleep in your arms etc.

Thanks for the comments about 'should do's' and everything, will be putting into practice :)

just to ask, where is this meet-ups bit on MN? I live in Barnsley and the MN Local section has nothing really, not even anything on talk, but I really would like to make friends with other mums and talk to them outside of threads as well. Does MN do this?

get to support groups ect as soon as you can, making friends in the first few months will help you no end.
echo the insulated mug and ignoring "helpful" advice.

there is no way it's 'supposed to be'
No one knows your baby like you
This too shall pass..........

hellitops there's a meetups topic as well as the local bit.

It's worth looking on both though as people sometimes do post about meetups on the local bit.

Have fun

Inhale their smell, they won't have that smell for long.
Spend as much time as you can just staring at them.
Take more photos than you thought possible then take a few more.
Actually fill in the baby record books, you won't remember it all and you will feel awful when they ask you something that's missing from it for a school project later on ( they will do this even if they look too tiny to ever leave you).

No matter what the weather fresh air will not kill them dress them right you will know how and sit out with them ignoring the state of the house while they nap.

Have your second baby while your first one still has an afternoon nap. Pregnancy is exhausting second time round with a toddler to chase after.

And have your third when dc2 is due to start school and ds1 is 8yr old!!!