Do You Let Your 13yo Son Play 18-rated Xbox Games?

[CDMforever]

my 13yo son has asked me to put this question on Mumsnet.
Weeeeell?????

Exactly Donnie.... to add a link look under the box you type your comment it says Links and tells you how to do it.

PukeyRag, my mum raised us the same.
Her saying was 'If you wouldn't be comfortable doing it infront of/telling Nan about it...you shouldn't be doing it'.

So we were happy playing Duke Nukem, Stree fighter etc, however thinking about explaining BMX XXX to my Nan meant I never tried it .

I think it depends on the kid; if your son is sensitive/has scary nightmares etc then I don't think it would be wise as he may not enjoy them. If you had a kid (like me!) who was reading Stephen King at 8, and can watch someone older playing Resident Evil/Dead Space/Silent Hill without having nightmares then I'd think they'd be fine with 18 rated games.
There are a few games (like Dead Space) which scare the crap out of me/my DH & we're both well over 18.

"If your child has Asperger's surely giving him games like COD to play isn't responcible (I don't think any parent giving these games to under 18's are but a child with Asperger's more so) as you know they are obsessive about things and become absorbed with every detail more so than a child without AS and will go on continuously about it re living each part, how you think its healthy or ok to encourage that amount of though about violence and killing is beyond me ... they have little or no understanding of others feelings, seeing or inflicting 'wounds' or 'death' does little to encourage empathy"

Mummyloveskisses - That is an abysmally ignorant thing to say. Do you have a child with Asperger's Syndrome? Or work with children who do? Not all people with ASC engage in obsessive behaviour lack empathy you know. And I don't understand why you are so ready to dismiss Amberleaf and CDMs points of view.

I cannot begin to describe how angry these remarks have made me. I've just read them out to my 14 year old Aspie DS, who helpfully pointed out that it was READING A BOOK - "Catcher in the Rye"- that apparently sent John Lennon's murderer over the edge. He also observed that a violent computer game was only dangerous to people "with mental disorders, like psychopaths or people who are psychotic".

This very issue was debated here on a similar thread started by CDM a few months ago.

There is no known correlation between playing these games and violent or antisocial behaviour. There is no research that can demonstrate a link.There is certainly no evidence that ASC kids are going to be turned into mass murderers if they play them. Please post links to scientifically rigorous peer-assessed research if I am wrong.

And I'm afraid that forcing Aspie teens to engage in social interaction so they can "practice understanding facial expressions" instead of playing computer games is, as anyone with ANY knowlege of the issues would know, not just a complete waste of time, but actively cruel.

"Their is no good moral to any video game." That is utter garbage. It's like saying all Hollwood films are immoral and decadent.

Neither is it helpful to compare 18 rated computer games to porn - that is just daft. You can't buy porn in 'Gamestation' FFS.

well said MRSFLITTERSNOOP!!

Although I think the comparison to 18 rated video games and porn was to point out the legalities of it (18 and over)

'Oh and finally, if you really think your son doesnt play 'those games' when hes at his friends houses away from your watchful eye...you're deluded!'

My daughter respects my rules whether at home or elsewhere
She recently called me from a sleepover to ask if it was ok to watch the 12 rated film the other girls were watching.
I trust her to be responsible, and think it's quite sad that you feel rules are not worth making as your child will deliberately disregard them given the opportunity.

Doesn't that worry you at all?

Dss's aunt (two older boys) rang us because she was worried her son and dss were playing Call of Duty together. We put a stop to it (as far as we know).

Wow! Thanx Mrsflittersnoop for expressing what I'm trying to say in such an articulate way.
Mummyloveskisses I don't feel that my DS is obsessed with the xbox. His obsessions are ornithology and entymology (not sure if I've spelt that right!).
And if I gave him the choice of a morning on the xbox or a morning bird-watching it would definitely be the latter he'd choose.
The friends he has made on xbox live are either already known to him from his high school or are friends of friends. The point I was trying to make here is that it is easier for him to socialise (only with the above mentioned people) online as there is no eye contact, body language etc involved. And actually he has gone on to be friends in RL with these boys which is wonderful.
For my son, who finds it extremely hard to make friend in the real world because of his AS, xbox live is a social enabler. I have had one of his xbox friends stay for a sleepover and he was a lovely boy. No violent behaviour at all
IMO the "worst" games my DS plays are the war type games - COD, Assassin's Creed. Games with such delightful names as Left for Dead or Grand Theft Auto et al I would definitely not allow.

Mrsflittersnoop meant to add that I'm very impressed with your DS's knowledge of Catcher in the Rye etc. He must be a very smart young man.

Does your son have tourettes.? Do you want him to? If so go and buy him black ops and a 12 month subscription to xbox live..he will quickly learn how to shout every obcenity under the sun and argue with 40 year old men who have no life and are also playing it..

:)

^and think it's quite sad that you feel rules are not worth making as your child will deliberately disregard them given the opportunity.

Doesn't that worry you at all?^

No it doesn't worry me in the sightest because it' not true.

I just have different ideas about realistic rules and expectations to you.

Each to their own and all that.

Fab post Mrsflittersnoop

Amberleaf you were very clear in your post. You called another poster deluded because she believed her son would follow her instructions wrt 18 rated games.
I do think that's sad.

For anyone interested in studies on the effects of violence in video games a brief google revealed hundreds.

Anderson, C.A., & Bushman, B.J. (2001). "Effects of violent games on aggressive behavior, aggressive cognition, aggressive affect, physiological arousal, and prosocial behavior: A meta-analytical review of the scientific literature". Psychological Science, 12, 353?359.

Anderson, C.A., & Dill, K.E. (2000). "Video games and aggressive thoughts, feelings, and behavior in the laboratory and in life". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 772?790.

Jansz, J., & Martis, R. (2003). "The representation of gender and ethnicity in digital interactive games". In M. Copier & J. Raessens (Eds.), Level up: Digital games research conference (pp. 260?269). Utrecht: Utrecht University.

Schie, E.G. v., & Wiegman, O. (1997). "Children and videogames: Leisure activities, aggression, social integration, and school performance". Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 27, 1175?1194.

Wiegman, O., & Schie, E.G.M. v. (1998). "Video game playing and its relations with aggressive and prosocial behaviour". British Journal of Social Psychology, 37, 367?378.

No. I might not make him wait until he is 18, but he certainly can't play them now (at 13). I might let him play a 15, depending on the game/context.

I am a bit at parents who think they know what their 13 year old children are doing at other peoples houses. Don't you remember being 13?

I am not saying that parents should not take a strong interest in what their kids are doing and who with. But once they have some independence - on bikes, hanging out in the park and the wider world of secondary school it is just not the tame world of reciprocal playdates where you always get to know the parents. So I don't know how you do it .

mummyloveskisses How do you manage to restrict your son to only go round to friends houses where you have the full support of their parents that your rules are followed?

Babybumpx I think if you call your kids peers's 'brainwashed zombies' and assume that any parents who disagree with you cant be arsed, I don't think you are really going to have a two way discussion. They will just learn to say the 'right thing' and keep secrets .

I do agree with you on moderation. No one on here is saying let kids play all games all the time.

Actually my son is pretty good about it. He went round to a friend's house recently and the mum reported back that when his friend suggested they play an 18 game my son said "No, I'm not allowed to."

I was very impressed.

You're crazed if you let your 12/13 year olds play COD. My DH and I play it online and the language from other players is not for children. More importantly neither is the violence!

It irks me no end when people blurb on about how "evil" video games are and how they keep their kids away from it, when they have no first-hand knowledge and rely on hearsay and hysterical meeja 'reporting'. And I use the term loosely.

The easiest thing to do would be to do your research. FFS, if you can MN, you can google a game that is wanted, get an idea of the content from preview videos and reviews, and make the decision whether or not you will allow your child to play it or not.
The best way to keep your child safe is to inform yourself - surely this is true for pretty much all areas of life?

I have to admit, I don't own many 18 games because they tend to be crap - shooters and the like, which are boring. But appeal to most boys, hence the issue.
Again though, the simple answer is to inform yourself. Maybe try to search out something similar, but more appropriate? For example, instead of GTA, try Red Dead Redemption, which has the added draw of cowboys
It's the same as any hobby (and it IS a hobby) - you need to make sure you know what your child is doing. No need to go all Draconian and say "NO XBOX", because all that shows is your own ignorance.

ermmmm what about those of us that wouldn't let our 12 year olds play 18 cert games and play them ourselves? Can't say we're relying on hearsay can you?

To add to what Maryz said, it's not just the violence in these games that bothers me, but also the hyper sexualisation and representation of women- enormous breasts, unrealistically small waists, inflated pouty lips etc.

And I do remember being 13 Himalaya.
It doesn't make me trust my daughter less. We have been in a few situations where her sense of responsibility has been tested and she hasn't let me down yet.

No. No way.

He doesn't have a problem with it either.

MoreCrackThanHarlem - its not so much about her sense of responsiblity as her ability to know her own mind, and potentially make choices and have values that are different from yours at some point. If you see that as letting you down then she may well keep that from you. Its not unknown.

MrsFlittersnoop The thread you linked was very interesting and I can see the benefits yes of socialising without eye contact needed (still don't agree on the games but you can't have it all) It was also interesting reading that you ''aren't keen'' on your son playing them though and that the OP of that thread was CMD questioning herself for giving her son such a violent game. I was more drawn to the phrase ''Normal rules don't apply'' when discussing why you would be judged by parents of non AS children. If this is the case, which by the 3 page response on the thread I assume it is, perhaps CMD shouldn't have posted the question on a board to be read by parents where normal rules do apply?

I admit I was generalising in common traits of children with AS but I didn't have either CMD or Amberleaf's children's full backgrounds and in that respect I do apologise if I caused offence assuming that either child had trouble with obsessive behaviour or socialising or empathy.

CDM I apologise also for assuming your child might be obsessed with these games but my point was not for obsessions really more that a child of 13 shouldn't be playing games for an 18+. I was of course replying with the thought that normal rules applied.

Himalaya My son only has 2 close friends whom he has been friends with since reception so over the last 8 years and many playdates (in the early years) I have become friends with both their mum's.

xStargirl I don't think video games are ''evil'' I just think they are rated 18 for good reasons, the main being they should only be played by people of 18 years or over. My son has and plays plenty of age appropriate video games and like Brianandhisballs my DH plays 18+ games so the research is 1st hand. The difference being he is over 18, my son is not!