Do You Let Your 13yo Son Play 18-rated Xbox Games?

[CDMforever]

my 13yo son has asked me to put this question on Mumsnet.
Weeeeell?????

If you ban him from doing something that all his friends are doing it will just lead to resentment and him doing it behind your back.
My mother said to me at the age if 12, 'there's nothing you could do to rebel against me' and because of that attitude I never felt the need to rebel and we were always very open with eachother. There was respect between us.

Reverse psychology works a treat imo

Better to know what he's doing and be part of it (talking about video games here, there ARE limits to certain things he does obviously) than to not know what he's doing and be worried.

And hey, at least he isn't on the streets doing drugs with his mates. You know hes safe under your roof and besides, neither of you can really escape the video games, just choose the ones that don't seem as bad as the others. That way you can compromise.

Seems like a bit of a straw man to suggest that not allowing your child to play violent adult games means that they will instead run riot in the streets and/or take drugs.

I have a 12 year old gamer, and his games are all vetted by his gamer dad. The consoles are in our living room so we have a very good idea of what he is playing, who he is talking to and what he is saying. We also know that he tries things out that he's not allowed at home at friends houses. I don't have a big problem with that, as we don't expect to set the rules for other families. However that doesn't mean we don't get to set them for our own home.

On the whole he doesn't seem very interested in ultraviolence, at least not the human kind, and prefers the relative tame Halo games, which seem to be mostly played by his age group.

I tend to use the age rating as guidance only and then make up my own mind. On many occasions my son (13) will ask if he can have this game or that and if I don't like the look of it I say no. By way of contrast tho' he saw Harry Potter aged 7 which was supposed to be 12+ because I felt it was suitable. However, another 12+ movie called "War of the Worlds" caught me out and we left the ciniema within 5 mins of arriving, as bodies were being blown up and it scared the living daylights out of my son - that film ought to have been 18!

Well nooka, I certainly didn't say that, but as we know, a lot of teens are out on the streets doing god knows what. I'm simply saying that letting a 13yo play an 18 game is no where near as bad.

Besides, it's not just the games anyway. There's movies, tv shows, music - you've just got to do what you feel is right for your child.

I think littlemum has the right idea.

No-I don't care what others do-I go by the certificate.

It has caused arguments but I stand by it.

Anyone with any knowledge or understanding of child psychology or just psychology in general will know that encouraging these sorts of games (violent) are not good for our children mentally! This is a post about the subject in general and everyone has their own points of view and ways of handling it, picking up on certain points that people have stated is unnecessary as you cant get the full picture on here! My son is 6 and I cant remember the last time he played his DS...he is far too busy with other activities such as football, lego, playing in the garden with mud and water, after school club and reading! and yes he does watch cartoons, I dont see anything wrong with that. However, we always talk about things and have conversations about whats right and wrong, this is teaching him to decide for himself what he thinks is right. I'm sure there will come a time when he wants to play these games, because his friends do and I will not allow it in my house....ever!! that is decision and I know I am doing it for the right reasons, he will just have to respect that it is an absolute no, having said that if he decides to do it at someone elses house then that is his choice, I will always promote and encourage my children to do other things, without making a point or drama about "not playing violent video games" i have always said I would much rather welcome my sons friends into our home for nights in, playing pool, taking them to the cinema, taking them fishing etc...

I think with everything it is all about moderation, there are children out there that do nothing but play these sorts of games because their parents cant be assed to do anything about it or are too busy to pay any attention! so their will be children out there that copy what they see as they dont have a positive influence to suggest otherwise or talk about whats happening.

I could go on but to me this is common sense and in my opinion anyone who allows their children to be "consumed" by these are letting their children down! I am not sorry if i have offended anyone because that is your problem not mine, the law has rated these video games 18 for a reason...do yourselves a favour and teach your children to abide by those rules!

He's 6, wait until he's sixteen.

Still haven't seen any evidence that these games are harmful, only
opinions.

But if you have never played video games and don't really understand them they are a good guideline.

serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/1723

www.gamepolitics.com/2009/01/23/byu-study-video-games-are-bad-you-so-many-ways

yes when I was younger I played them, they are mind numbingly crucifying! All my friends were male, playing video games and smoking weed because our parents were too busy with their own lives to even care.

Someone pointed out about Thomas The Tank Engine....Different league altogether (in my opinion) I believe cartoons such as this one has a moral to the story...which you can talk about with your children! Their is no good moral to any video game.

No. I play them myself, and no. I wouldn't let him watch an 18 movie in my house either.

Sorry but that's not evidence.

Mine does, but I think it depends on the child. I don't even watch tv, but i htink the world has changed enormously and we sort of flounder about not knowing what to do for the best re technology. I set limits on time, but don't censor, as i don't censor books/films. They soon stop if they don't like them.

That might be wrong.

they are studies....??

Mostly no but there are exceptions. If there is a game he wants to play, I look into the content myself and decide based on that, not the age rating.

DS is not allowed to play Black Ops for example, but DH & I do let him play 'House Of The Dead' on wii with us on a Friday night when the younger DC have gone to bed - it's brilliant fun . And to me, playing a zombie shoot-em-up game is 'cartoon', whereas something like Black Ops is far to 'real' IMO.

He does play quite a few 15 & 16 age rated but the blood & gore and swearing is toned down quite a lot in that age bracket.

No X box full stop.

I am a seriously evil mother

Why would you agree to let a younger child play a game you didn't think was suitable just because you have no 'control' over what they do when they are at their friends house?

My son is only 9 but the same approach holds - we talk about what is reasonable, or not. I listen to his suggestions ( and change my viewpoint sometimes) and he knows what we, as adults, think about certain things. No, I can't control what he chooses to do when he is away from our house, but I would hope that he at least will be making a decision when he is aware of both sides of the discussion. Not just that it's OK because someone else does it??!!

You would be mad to think these violent games have no impact at all.

Amberleaf I understand AS a lot better than you think and I know that children with AS find it difficult to make friends and cope in social situations but I also know that sitting in front of a screen talking to ''friends'' does nothing to improve their social or life skills, how can they practice understanding facial expression when all they are seeing is mindless killing? I know behaviour can't be changed with AS as much as someone could change where they are born but they can, with time learn to read faces and situations.
I can see how his absorbsion with the game is a godsend to you but can't see the benefits a child would get from it that couldn't be found elsewhere in a more age appropriate way.

Also I am most definately NOT deluded my son and I talk about everything and anything, I know he has wanted to play these games but after discussing with him why it came down to peer pressure rather than liking or wanting to play. He understands my reasons behind the NO because we have talked about it and he respects me and my decision on this. I think if you say NO to a child you do have the danger of making the forbidden thing more enticing but to give reason you are teaching them.

Sometimes my son comes up with fantastic reasoning and I give way to his wants (not on 18+ gaming) as it IS important that he 'wins' his debating skills are brilliant. The friends houses he goes too have these games but also have others, mostly they are on their bikes anyway, but when he is there I have the full support of their parents that my rules are followed and other things/games are available for them to do.

"you would be made to think these violent games have no impact at all"

precisely. There are a lot of parents burying their heads in sand here. Why on earth do you think they have an 18 certificate?

Amberleaf you said "you ban it and you make it more attractive - well done". That's a pretty dimwitted argument isn't it? pornography is banned for under 18s but I don't suppose you would encourage your ds to look at that would you? or do you not believe in age restrictions per se?

'mad' of course

there is definitely research which concludes that hours spent on computer games are deleterious to concentration and listening skills. Don't know how to link it though.

BETTERWHENTHESUNSHINES - you havent stated who your meesage is relating too?