Do You Let Your 13yo Son Play 18-rated Xbox Games?

[CDMforever]

my 13yo son has asked me to put this question on Mumsnet.
Weeeeell?????

My son is 6 but I know 100% that he will not be playing any 18 rated until he is 18! they are 18 for a reason and i really dont think that our children should be brain washed by these ridiculous games! just research about them and you'll realise. its hard to separate fantasy from reality hence all the violence, guns, behaviour etc. Video games dont help!

Babybumpx -- you can avoid having them in your own house, but i am afraid it is pretty impossible to 100% stop a child playing them at friends' houses. Once they are in secondary school you just don't have that level of control.

Yes.
He is a mild gentle sensitive boy and laughs and chats to school friends while he plays. We live in isolated village, as do all his friends.

Remember all those threads about things you said you'd never do before your baby was born? If you'd asked me this when I had 6 year olds I would have said no way never.

My son and his friends play Cod, they don't take it seriously and then go and kick a football around or play cricket. They don't go around beating people up.

They're just a normal bunch of nice teenagers.

my son is 12.

and no.

When he's 18 then he can have games for over 18s. Some of them. I have told him that I will never buy him some of these games he talks about. If he wants them when he's over 18, then he can buy them from his own money, but they will never be provided by me because I won't be complicit in it.

And they won't be played in my house either.

Some of the things I hear about some of these games is chilling.

Aren't there a few where the aim is to mutilate and kill women?

wow. I am pretty shocked that so many of you are ok with letting your 12 and 13 year olds play 18 rated games. Why is that exactly? not being difficult but a genuine question.

me too, I dont think people realise the impact it has on these young people! Himalaya - of course that is what I was saying, i cannot control what he does outside but id hope he would have better things to be doing than being brainwashed and sat there like a zombie playing some stupid video game....I am hoping that by giving him the opportunity to have hobbies and enjoy activities he will chose to be out with his friends or playing football, tennis, etc but boys are boys and do like those sort of things and unfortunately seeing as there are alot of mums who do allow this our children will follow suit "my friend joe plays it, so why cant I"

If you allow your child to sit there for hours on end playing these pointless games for hours on end or even on a regular basis what is that teaching them?? surely all it does is create or install violence, car racing, thieving etc...it naturally gets them excited and pent up when they play them, so they will want that same feeling in reality. Just my thoughts.

'Only asking as I've noticed things like T2:Judgement Day have gone from 18's to 15's in recent years.'

Terminator 2 was a 15 when it came out, I know because I went to see it at the cinema aged 13.

18 rated games are for adults
I think those of you letting 12 year olds play them are guilty of lax parenting at best, and are teaching your children it's ok to break rules if everyone else does.

Jmo.

I dont think people realise the impact it has on these young people!

Well as far as my young person goes, it has no impact.

He plays the game, chats with his school friends via headset then after a while goes off to do something else [not out shooting people or disembowlling prostitutes]

DS is 14 and he isn't allowed to play on 18 games. We have talked about why and he doesn't have a problem with it. His group of friends think COD is for saddos though.

Absolutely not!

You might like to look at two recent MN threads here and here.

As said there:
"There's research that shows that games such as COD do have an effect on mental health. It desensitises, so RL traumatic events have a lesser impact and dreams/nightmares become less scary. Of couse, some see this as a good thing - if you google "US military video games" you will find a lot of the research and commentary. I haven't found anything about effects on children. But it seems pretty clear it would be reckless to say there weren't any: though views on the desirability of those effects will vary".

I have no idea what I would do on this-I think I'd allow from around 15ish. But my daughter is 7 months as the moment so who knows what kind of games will be out when she is older!!

Did anyone see the research done recently to show that it's the football games that gets children more worked up and angry, due to the fact that they can relate to losing a football game etc and can't relate to being at war or beating up people in the street in the same way.....

Because it's been written on an MN thread doesn't mean it's true.

I remember my Mum telling me about how her Father told her Rock N Roll was going to corrupt the youth and that Elvis could only be filmed from the waist up to stop teenagers from being corrupted. I think it's common every generation to think the latest generation will be corrupted by the latest trends.

As far as I'm aware,and I'm quite happy to be proven wrong, there is no evidence that video games do harm.

WOW! Quite a response!
I probably didn't write in my OP that I do allow my 13yo to play certain 18 games - e.g. COD but certainly not the likes of GTA (which is what he's been angling at recently, dream on kid!)
Like one of the posters said, in the past I too wouldn't have in a MILLION years imagined allowing my son to play these games. But here we are.
Equally, my son is an incredibly sensitive boy who also loves birdwatching, moth trapping and reading.
One of the main reasons I allow him to play COD etc is that he plays on xbox live and can speak to his friends. He's actually made alot of friends on xbox live, in RL he has Aperger's Syndrome and obviously finds making friends difficult so in this respect its been a very good thing.
Having said all that, there is still a tiny worry at the back of my head....
I too would be very interested to read any research on this issue. I guess its too early??
I liked the poster who mused that actually all the violent, anti-sociable kids are the ones hanging around the streets, not the ones warm and safe at home on COD!

I googled as suggested.

There is research (I'm not qualified to comment, but it's published in respectable journals), there's plenty of commentary (not "the sky is falling in on the youth of today" - more debate on the longterm effects of desensitisation and PTSD) and the US Army does seem keen. The military (here and US) is doing far more research into the mental well-being of veterans. They are very keen on such games - also they find it assists their recruitment.

My son is 12, he plays 18 games, he plays them with his mates in his or their bedrooms, has a laugh, then when the rain stops off they all go to play on their scooters or to the park, he is a sensible, level headed and intelligent boy, he knows it's only a game.

If he was obsessed with them and playing for hours on his own then I'd be worried!

How do you know anything about these games in the first place - I mean I would have no idea what 'cod' is (I thought she was a Mumsnetter ) - GTA etc - do you play these sorts of games yourself so you 'know' what they are?

I like to think I would say 'no' - but our DS is only 10 - he's only just bought himself a second hand PS2 (with his savings) and only has age relevant games - again, from charity shops only - I wouldn't dream of buying anything like that.

My first thought was GOD NO.
I don't care if he thinks I'm the meanie mum.
But... that's under my roof. I'd be more "shrug my shoulders" if I found out he'd played it elsewhere. And really it comes down to the game, maybe I'd feel some were ok.

My issue with COD online is that you don't know who else is playing with them. My husband plays online and some of the language heard, (not from him!!) is awful, to the point where he has reported a player as there was clearly a very young boy in the same game and the language aimed at people was shocking!

Re desensitisation - you only have to look at horror films to know that this is true.

The early horror films had people throwing up in cinemas, but now? tame tame tame in most people's eyes.

We are now in 'human centipede' territory.

why? People have been ............

desensitised.

What was shocking, sickening, terrifying is not any longer cos they've seen it seen it seen it.

So it goes further and further and further.

I do worry about it, because where will it end?

So I can see how it could certainly be the same in video games. How could it not be?

From Super Mario to disembowling a prostitute in 25 years.

Babybumpx - playing football and tennis is not mutually exclusive with playing video games. The point is they do play them with their friends, either together or chatting with them online.

In terms of time spent playing it is not unlimited, and I see screen time as interchangable i.e. you can watch TV or play on the X-box. To be honest watching an age appropriate but mind numbingly inane Disney repeat has far less going for it in terms of mental agility.

Most things we do for leisure are fairly pointless. I find Thomas the Tank Engine extremely tedious, but I didn't dismiss it as pointless as stupid when my DS was going through big TTE phase. He grew out of it and he never tried to brick anyone up in a tunnel because of it.

yes -depending on the game

OK - I know I have already spoken but I feel so strongly I can't not speak again after reading the posts after mine. I have a couple of points/comments to add.

1. You can't control what games they play round their friends house - My son is 13yrs and 9 months he has several friends who play the games we are refering to on here and when he is in their homes he doesn't play them, he wants to, but we have a very good relationship and he knows I don't approve or think them appropriate for him and as the adult he respects my decision. When his friends ask him to play he says he doesn't like the games and chooses games they have (car racing mainly) to play, or they go out on bikes etc....

1. CDM If your child has Asperger's surely giving him games like COD to play isn't responcible (I don't think any parent giving these games to under 18's are but a child with Asperger's more so) as you know they are obsessive about things and become absorbed with every detail more so than a child without AS and will go on continuously about it re living each part, how you think its healthy or ok to encourage that amount of though about violence and killing is beyond me ... they have little or no understanding of others feelings, seeing or inflicting 'wounds' or 'death' does little to encourage empathy. Also he has ''made friends'' online.... who are they, what age are they? Do they realise they are talking to a young child? Is all they discuss age appropriate, or do you not think that matters either.

I am honestly sorry if I come across blunt or rude but as I said at the beginning I feel strongly about this and truely believe too many parents give in to their children rather than listen to the moaning about what friend is playing what game and how unfair said parent is being.... its the easier option to go with the flow, no matter where it leads!

And finally just a point Amberleaf said

He plays the game, chats with his school friends via headset then after a while goes off to do something else [not out shooting people or disembowlling prostitutes]

Just because he isn't shooting people or disembowlling prostitutes doesn't mean it hasn't mentally effected him, what parent would want his or her child to witness either of these things in RL or not? And just because you can't seen any damage, doesn't mean there isn't any!

Mummyloveskisses There isnt any damage. My son is very normal if a little 'geeky'

as you know they are obsessive about things and become absorbed with every detail more so than a child without AS and will go on continuously about it re living each part

If you knew as much about Aspergers as you think you do, then you would know what a godsend it is being able to communicate and make friends through xbox live.

Oh and finally, if you really think your son doesnt play 'those games' when hes at his friends houses away from your watchful eye...you're deluded!

You've forbidden it and so have just made it even more attractive-well done!