Does anyone else constantly run a sort of Good Parenting tally in their head?

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Because I said this to my husband this evening and he looked at me like .

On the days when I'm at home with DD (2.5) I have this constant refrain in my head; well, we've made homemade playdoh and gone to the park and had an Educational Outing To The Post Office (o god what has my life become) but then I let her watch TV for half an hour over her allotted amount so I can play on the internet, really there's no excuse for that, how much fresh air has she had today, did the gardening include enough actual running around exercise or should we go for a walk as well and the muesli bar probably wasn't the best morning snack but I guess it had fibre in it.

I get to the end of the day with a mental report card; diet, exercise, improving activities (right proportion of crafts, life skills and imaginary play), proportion of my time spent paying attention to her and encouraging her appropriately vs telling her to hurry up/calm down/be careful/oh for goodness sake child.

Am I entirely insane or do all mums do this? I'm feeling entirely insane, reading this back.

I do it in reverse.
I count up the shite parenting and if it is under five I call that a good day
I lost my temper with the toddler this afternoon so it cancelled out the trip to the park and all the other good stuff we had done up to then.

But yes I think we all do it.

I definately do this (and have roped dd (6.5) into the 5 a day F&V targets. She loves to count them up & feels very proud if she's passed 5.) And I do find it quite stressful to be constantly weighing up and balancing out things in my head. But I have always been inclined to be like this in all areas of my life, so think of it more as a personality trait than a parenting style.

i'm with you ronshar

when my child turned out to have special needs one of the brilliant upsides was that I got to do all this "right, what have I achieved today" stuff every day and got praised for it instead of being made to feel like an uptight mummy!!!!!

i do this aswell, unfortunatley sometimes when i know i have work in a little while i balance off my quieter part of the day with what the child minder and then my mum will do later with dd 20mnths. and i do suffer with guilty feelings for that! but it is hard to keep the house in a reasonable standard if i dont have "quieter" days, as im the one responsible for it. we each have allocated jobs in our house, but somehow they dont balance up. having said that, a quieter day does not mean that dd will be stuck infront of the tv eating junk, and having a craving for fruit we always manage to get her 5 a day down her :-) . but i do believe that if we try our best, then somewhere along the line we will automatically be doing an ok job. we have probably most of us seen the "jeremy kyle" show, and thought id never treat My kids the way they have! there for, our kids are already onto a winner, and will most certainly turn out decent people...because we care, and that is why our brains tally.

i think you do need to relax a little and learn to enjoy it more. Although i was probably more like this when there was only DS1.

But just let me get this straight. They watch tv at daycare? That is one thing I actually wouldn't put up with. It's your prerogative to let them watch some TV if you want, but seriously, you're paying for your child to be in daycare and they are watching TV there? Not on in my book.

if you worry so much about the "quota of activities" without actually enjoying the time you spend with your child then its not a good idea .
If you have fun with your child when your doing all the stuff , then its better ,because your child will see you having fun with them !

Now get outside and jump up and down in muddy puddles whilst shouting jumping up and down in muddy puddles `a la peppa pig ...< you cant do that without laughing> !

I do this... at the end of the day I ask myself "have I been a good mum today?" sometimes the answer is no but at least I recognise that and can work on my short-temper / laziness / selfish attitude going forward

Hmm, I suppose I sometimes do this as I go along in the back of my mind but in all honesty I simply don't have the time to fret about it all. So much of what is being said on here rings true in our family. I have DD1 who is "a little challenging" and very similarly, takes after DH (MIL took him to the doctors regularly as a child asking them to do something / anything about him as he was so demanding, difficult, naughty, whatever....).

I am sure that compared to some mums' standards I fail miserably on a regular basis but my DDs are mostly happy, healthy, clean, eat well and are always telling us how much they love us so I guess that means we're doing OK. Considering we both work long hours (I work FT too) we have to just get on with life really and that includes doing fun and educational stuff too. It just kind of happens, some of it scheduled but I do try not to stress too much (most of the time, honest).

I don't think the guilt ever disappears, we're stuck with it from when we conceive according to those older parents I've spoken with on the topic. Every now and then I have a bit of a melt down and then the next day / week / month goes better, I feel like I'm winning more than losing and everyone's happy.

Totally agree on the sleep deprivation issue though - nothing seems to go well when you're desperate for a couple of nights of uninterrupted sleep. On your own. In a lovely big clean bed!

Failing that, caffeine and vino seem to help get me through.

Good God, do people really do this?

If mine get to the end of the day in one piece without getting hurt or arrested, I am pleased. If I get a few hugs and so on that's a bonus.

'Compared to other mums' standards I fail miserably'.
You never know what's going on behind closed doors, just like you can never really know what's going on inside a marriage. Give yourself a break!

i love this thread, i totally do this, it is good to read all the replys and to know that I am not alone and it is a bit mad really - we should all just try to enjoy it and know that kids grow up so fast .....

parenting is a balancing act & the most difficult job i've ever had, though that said it's by far the most enjoyable too..
Children need a certain amount of variety and routine.
I think regular sleep, cuddles & attention, fun, fresh food , fresh air are the basics.
I think most parents do keep tally, in varying amounts.

As someone else said earlier in the thread, I don't keep a tally, but I do have a weekly structure which ensures most of the bases are covered.

Dd1 is at school and does afterschool dance, gymnastics and art club - so a certain amount of physical and creative stuff sorted.

Dd2 is at pre-school for 15 hours and does extra gym and music group so again some structured physical and creative.

They both get read to and cuddles at least every bed-time and often during the day too. They have a set bed time and routine.

Foodwise dd2 is turning in to a bit of a grazer, so I tally that in my head a little bit.

I don't really monitor the TV as they don't tend to choose it for hours on end. They were just in the playroom watching TV but have now gone out in the garden, riding their bikes, and playing some sort of complex pretend game. The television is a bit annoying playing to itself, so I may go through and turn it off in a minute!

I do find I think a bit harder about what we are doing in the holidays as there are more hours to fill, but generally I leave them to their own devices a lot of the time.

I do and I don't, I guess. I do try to keep a bit of a balance. Like a fruit and/or veggie at each meal, some outside time, not too many episodes of He-Man on the computer, etc. :) I'm pretty middle-ground on most things in life, so I think that translates into my parenting. I try to feed DS mostly healthy food, but a cookie and some Kool-Aid for snack won't kill him. I don't think hours and hours of TV are good, but a show here and there so I can catnap is okay. And so on. :)