what are the reasons for NO smacking?

[hermykne]

I AM CURIOUS to know, folling the other thread, as my dd is so bold at the moment nothing gets thru to her, even putting her in a time out room for 2/3mins, shes 3. she will keep on screaming and then hit something or push something over.
can last 40mins and no matter how you go over the matter with her when shes calm, she doesnt seem to learn anything,
and i suppose smacking will not make her understand either...
but what does smacking create or instill in behavourial patterns in yours opinions?

so yyes Zippi - have smacked ds2 at the swimming pool - once

I have smacked ds's hand in public.

I didn't exactly mean that SackAche - my brother DID think it was ok to hit!

that was a coincidental post wasn't it!

I dont think smacking encourages aggressiveness/fighting in later life. An inability to deal with anger and emotion lends more to it i feel. Its more a case of them needing to learn how to deal with being angry about situations (and not being stifled because a child being angry is a child being naughty)

I have smacked my DD on occasion. I started to after DS was born to demonstrate to her how wrong it was when she hit him/bit him/scratched him/put pillows over his head etc. Id rather not but i cant think of a better way to prevent her from doing spiteful things out of jealousy.

I was smacked and have been in several proper honest-to-goodness beat the hell out of the other person fights. I still have a wonky finger from one of them.

I know I have a horrible temper - I get flashingly angry very quickly. It's under control because I know about it and I can feel the red mist rising.

So I don't agree that being smacked means you will know where the boundaries lie and you won't be violent towards other people.

I have never needed to 'in public'. I have never smacked for a tantrum, for an accident (food/juice spilling/wetting themselves) etc I have smacked for deliberate defiance, rule breaking and deliberatly doing EXACTLY what I asked them not to. After warnings.

I have also smacked - as I admit and am not proud of - for total and utter frustration. That is when smacking doesn't work for either of you, however I have also apoligised for that and explained that Mummy was wrong in that situation. So I hope I have at least made my kids see that Mummy is not perfect, and has to say sorry when she makes a mistake.

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I suspect, fwiw, that the screaming I've done is pretty damn damaging too (for which I have apologised). Like I say, I am strikingly imperfect in my parenting and dare not put smacking on the agenda.

Yeah lets add that one to the mix - when is it fair to shout at a child

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zippi - yes I've smacked DS1 right outside of nursery once - in sight of the headteacher!

"Plus, I can remember feeling humiliated about being smacked when I was older, and I wouldn't subject my kids to that."

kelly, I cannot see that a 6 or 4 or even a 2 year old would feel less humiliated if they were smacked. or why you would draw such a line. why switch if you think your system of discipline is satisfactory?

Parents who smack nearly all smack in a less than totally calm and rational way.

This is out of control behaviour from the parent in a physical sense and as such is a very bad example to set - the parent is the role model of the child.

Smacking is like the arms race - it will work for a short while and then you need a bigger weapon and smacking becomes no more effective than shouting. If you don't shout at your child then when you do - eg they are about to run under a car - they will REALLY TAKE NOTICE.

I also think that everyone should respect the dignity of others - small children included - and smacking is hardly dignified.

I think it is obvious from the experts in child behaviour on TV that smacking is ineffectual and uneccessary.

That's true, Twirlaround - you never see Supernanny say "Try giving him a wallop", do you

Socci...I'm not violent these days and have no desire to be again. I've grown up a lot since then. I do still have the short fuse though, but I'm a lot better temper-wise than I was.

bundle - Ive drawn the line from my experience when I was a child. I don't believe a five year old does feel humiliated. I didn't until I was older.

I don't think smacking on its own teaches boundaries, but I do think it is a valuable contributory factor. If a chld is smacked in anger, I agree it is going to do no good whatsoever, but that doesn't apply to all situations.

are you being serious about a 5 yr old not being humiliated by being smacked?

Twirlaround - Have you carried our research of some sort? You seem very sure of your facts.

If you read the posts from parents who have smacked in the past they clearly state that its a very temporary measure, then after a couple of taps they have no need to as the warning of another 'tap' is effective. So I dunno where you get your info from.... but from reading this thread I don't think your post is accurate.

I certainly didn't feel the same way about it when I was five as I did when I was ten.

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I think a big mistake is to talk endlessly about stuff with a three year old. She is very, very young and has really limited impulse control.
You dont' need her to 'understand' at this stage IMO, you just need to have a way of living together that works.
What do you put her in time out for?

It is true to say that those who work with sorting out "problem" children don't advocate smacking. Also , there is overwhelming evidence from the NSPCC that smacking is not good for children - & they have done vast amounts of research.

Twirlaround have you not read this thread? the 2 people who admit to smacking their kids, say that it doesn't escalate, that it doesn't mean harder and harder punishment is needed, that it can work.

Like I have said, I no longer use smacking simply since my kids have grown out of their behaviour that warrented a smack (or the mere threat is enough!), I have also given the specific reasons why/when I have smacked. Why does EVERYONE think this is the start of a slippery slope?

Also I would like to add the times when I have smacked have been a short tap on the bottom/leg and less hard than the silly high spirited horseplay when you play 'drums' on a kids bottom/belly IYKWIM.

I haven't smacked my 4.8 year old for about a year .. but I have had no qualms in using smacking as a last resort when he didn't have the verbal or reasoning skills

None of the major children's charities advocate it; there is a big alliance called Children are Unbeatable which has lobbied to have the Victorian excuse of 'reasonable chastisement' removed as a justification for parents hitting children.