What's a normal age for children getting their first mobile phone?

[greencolorpack]

Ds is ten. He has a friend at school who is always on at him to get a mobile. Ds says "All the children at school have one." This has never, will never, be an argument that works on me, I need to have other factors to convince me to go down this road.

Further questioning: I said, "What do they all do with them?"
Ds: "Use them to make prank calls and play games."

I said "If we got you a mobile it would be cheap and not very good, probably no games on it at all. It would be functional. It wouldn't be like mummy's phone (my one has all the bells and whistles, internet access, games etc). If I get you a phone it won't impress your friend, the boy with an I-Phone."

Ds: (mutinous expression).
Me: "Would you take your phone to school and show your friend?"
Ds: "No. It would stay at home. But my friend would ask me all about it."
Me (pragmatic to the end) "Okay so lie to your friend that you've got a HTC Desire. He will never know. Give him my number, you can borrow the phone and chat to him whatever."
Ds: "No, I want my own phone."
Me (despairing) "If you had a mobile of your own, I'd spend my life saying "No playing with the mobile, you can have it later for twenty minutes, just like all the other technology in the house."
Ds: "No I could play with it whenever I want because it would be my phone."
Me: "You're in cloud cuckoo land if you think just because it's yours I will let you play with it whenever you like."

I cannot get ds to pretend my phone is his phone, he is getting hassled all the time by his friend and here's me and daddy being all hard as nails about him owning his own mobile. I don't like small bits of technology, my children are constantly walking off buses leaving scarves, hats, cameras behind, a mobile would be no different. And NO WAY would he get to play with it all the time. So my decision at the moment is "no" to mobiles.

So what is a good age for a mobile and what is a good phone to own? I mean a really basic cheap one? Should I say no his whole life and teach him the value of refraining from materialism? Or does he need to learn just what a hollow promise phone owning is through his own experience?

Our dcs have asked when they can have a phone they are nearly 7 and 5, Me and dp have told them they can wait till senior school. DD will be 11 in the July.

As far as we are concerned there is no need untill then as we take them where ever they need to go. When dd starts senior school she will have to walk up a busy main road to get to school as I won't be able to take her as I will be taking ds to school and dp will be at work.

As for what type of phone she will have that will depend on a lot of factors.

ds1 got one at 18

a nice one and we paid

the rest have not got them yet - am hoping they'll be 18 too

I'm really surprised at the number of people whose (quite young) children have mobile phones.

There are risks associated with early mobile phone use, think I read somewhere a 5-fold increase in the chance of a brain tumour. Children's skulls are thinner and give less protection than an adults, therefore they are more at risk of radiation so close to their head. Personally I think this risk is far greater than the risk of a parent not being able to contact a child 24/7.

Primary school children - I don't see the need at all. Secondary school age - possibly but depends on the child's journey home. And secondary schools can pass messages on to children can't they?

I also think in some ways mobile phones can lull parents into a false sense of security, eg they'll be all right going to/from school/activities etc, they can text/call me when they get there.

Either they're mature and street-wise enough to do a journey like that or they're not. And if they are you have to have a bit of trust.

Suppose they lose or forget their mobile and you're at home waiting for the text/call panicking because it doesn't come? Do you then assume they've had an accident/been kidnapped etc?

I know this will seem pretty strange to people on here, but I was raised to eschew tribalism, myself, I never had anything fashionable, I never had the latest trends, my clothes throughout my teens were my middle aged mum's castoffs, I was so not fashionable. I never said "Everyone else has one!" cos I knew it was the the opposite of a convincing argument. I can't remember minding either, although looking back at photos I wish now I'd tried to look better than I did back when I was a thin and presentable looking teenager sob but anyway.

I'm raising m'boy much the same way, and being as he's Asperger's he mostly agrees with me, he's sensible and can see where I'm coming from. So, knowing that he's not pestering me and I'm utterly impervious to pester power, I do start wondering... is he missing out? I mean what is life like on the other side of the mirror? What is it like to be fashionable among your peers? Am I missing out on something? I'll never know cos I never experienced it myself.

Ds is sick of his friends being plugged into the Matrix. He went to a birthday party of a boy in his class once, he said they stood around like zombies either playing with an X-Box (or whatever it was) or talking about their computers/mobiles. There must be a lot of parents with zero imagination at my schoolgate. Ds has a party coming up and he is going to stipulate on the invitation NO TECHNOLOGY. I feel sorry for him that it's come to this.

greencolourpack

I like your style and if you see my earlier post - my children do not have 'technology'
When ds was in 6th form he'd say he could not have friends round because most of them just wanted to 'screen' and we don't have them. Sad for him and on so many levels.
He is a very happy fulfilled person now and at university where some boys do screen but it's pretty much frowned on -phew!!

Re the false sense of security i agree.... some times i have so wanted to contact one of my dc and rung one of their friends mobiles and so often they are turned off/at home/no charge

schools are still good at passing on messages

Thanks Capiche, that's kind of you!

I agree that it's bad for children to have too much technology. A bit is okay. Like mobiles for emergencies. When ds said most boys used them for prank calls that told me all I needed to know about the point of young kids having mobiles!!! ie too much time on their hands and not enough wisdom!

I want my children to be producers, not consumers, in society. Teaching children to press buttons on expensive technology just teaches them to want more expensive technology, to be spenders, not creative in their own right. If you look at the lives of the innovators, the musicians, the actors, the novelists, the best ones usually lived in houses where they were allowed to be bored. It's SO important that children learn creative ways to get past their own boredom and don't get soothed by technology all the time. There's a famous brother and sister team, I can't remember their names, but their secret was that they lived in a house with no telly, they both sat around writing novels by candlelight. I love that idea!!!

In my house I've got a piano, and the children's violins, other instruments, also a telly and a Playstation 2 (old technology is good, you can get new games for it from charity shops for £2! Score!) When they hanker after the most zippy modern technology they can go to the only child nextdoor and use his Wii. I've got a mobile that I let them play with sometimes for 20 minutes at a time. But I don't let them do anything for "too much" time. Moderation's the thing.

Jeez. I think it's ridiculous children who are only 8 having phones. If an after school club was cancelled surely the school would let you know? Or if she was at a friend's house and got upset wouldn't the friend's Mum call to let you know? DD is never out anywhere without me or DH or in the care of a trusted adult (except for playing outside, but then she is just outside). Once she gets to secondary school and is getting the school bus, then maybe, as we also live in a rural area and there is no public transport. And it WILL be a basic model, after all, mine is! People did survive before mobile phones.

The irony is that it's fairly easy to protect kids from the brain tumour risk. Don't let them have a phone too young; explain the risk, and expect them to only use the phone in an emergency, and only very briefly.

Also manufacturers are perfectly capable of producing safer mobile phones. Only they won't, because there's no demand. There's no demand, because so many people don't accept that there's any risk.

It's very like climate change denial.

Eventually things will come to a head, official advice will be more stringent, phones will be safer and properly regulated.

ds1 is 11 and has a very basic model. He's only had it a few months, I bought it when he started to catch the school bus to school (we live rural). He has had $20 (10 pounds) credit for the 4 months he's had it. He texts if the bus is going to be late and I text him if I'm going to be late picking him up etc... Other than that he doesn't phone friends etc... I bought it for my peace of mind . Mind you that's not to say he doesn't moan he wants an all singing all dancing version but it's not going to happen!

at all you non tribal, plough your own furrow types out there.

I couldn't agree more. But there are more important things to make a stand over than a mobile phone and if all my child's mates have got phones with cameras and a few interesting extras and I can afford the necessary 20 quid then I will by my child such a phone.

Artificially making a point of being different for no reason apart form "being different" is as wrong as artificially following the crowd for no reason apart from following the crowd.

My three all got one when they went to senior school.

I would say probably 10 or 11 at the end of year 6 and start of Year 7 when they start going to sports activities after school and going out with their friends. I won't be buying a phone that will be a magnet for thieves, just a basic handset and PAYG so the child learns to use credit wisely.

My daughter had a phone when she started walking home from school. Year 7. Son started walking home from Primary at same time, so we got him one 6 months later.

Yes, generations have survivied, bt parents have also, for generations, wrried whe their child was home late. They are very useful bits of kit for keeping in touch and just because we never had them in the dark ages, doesn't mean they aren't useful now.

My son never uses his now. He forgets to take it! Daughter texts a lot. Neiher have state of the art phones but both have decent ones. (About £70)

I prefer them to have them now while we have some control - ie teaching them texting is beter than calling (we are worried about future health issues and calls) and we can tech them the value of the cost of calls - because they are - or were - young enough for us to tell them what they could and couldn't do with them.

I don't have a mobile phone and I'm 40. The children at my kids' primary generally don't have them. A couple of the year 6 kids do but only one child in Year 3/4.

But we don't have Wii, Ds, Playstation, X-box. So far it hasn't been an issue.

Do people generally know it's not great to use a mobile phone too much when pregnant, because of the need to keep the phone away from the unborn baby's head? The skull of an unborn kid is even thinner than that of a regular kid. The advice in Russia iirc is not to use a mobile phone when pregnant.

DD had hers when she was 11 but she was at boarding school and liked the ability to text me during the week.

DS is 7 and wants a phone already! Apparently some of his friends have them but no way am I giving in yet not friggin likely.

When they go to secondary school, they generally then need a phone because the school woulnt ring you to let you know of changing arrangements and your DS will have more independence, need it to keep up with friends. but then again, times have changed since my DC were that age!

Hmm....
I was and always will be desperately unfashionable. I'm used to it now. I wouldn't be me if I were any other way.
But DD does "get" fashion, and she's happier for it than I was at school. She wouldn't be her if she was any other way. So if she wants a phone that's fashionable, so be it. That's what's right for her, something I can and will comply with in reason (allowing for the fact that I'm a skinflint).

I'm amazed that no one else on here has said it's ordinary for 8-9yos around them to have own phone. It really is extremely ordinary here (rural market town, very low crime rate, many free-range children about).

ps: I really wouldn't rate games on a phone, though, that'd get no wash with me at all. Would prefer no internet access, too.

Lljkk - I think your post days it all - it really does seem that those of us who live in rural communities and have ad you put it "free range children" generally find the use of mobile phones commonplace. Whereas, those people on here who have expressed shock at children of this age having mobile phones, do by their own admission give their children little freedom (such as teenyweeny).

At the end of the day it is, as always, a balancing act - the statistical increased risk of tumours / dangers from mobile phones Vs the psychological benefits (and indeed the inverse risks) from greater freedom in childhood. Personally, I feel it is worth the risk (given how infrequently the phone has been used - less than £1 credit since Jan), for the self confidence / self esteem / psychogical benefits from being allowed to explore and have what I call 'a proper childhood'. The sort of childhood I had in the 70s. What you call 'free range childhood'. There are lots of studies supporting the increase in stess / depression / risk taking behaviours in teenagers and many studies draw correlations to the limited freedom children are increasingly having. As always, these things are never black and white. We can't be simplistic in our decision making, but we weigh up all the risks and all the factors. Some people put more emphasis on certain risks than others... Others have other values.

If the phone has been used that infrequently - less than £1 credit since Jan - then the health risk is going to be minimal.

We live in a city, and some kids - by no means all - spend hours on the phone. And have Blackberries.

youngjoly you are over simplifying things

mobile phone = greater freedom

my son was 18 before he got a phone and was widely,independantly and internationally travelled by that age

i always knew where he was and touch wood he wont get glioma

youngjoly

There are lots of studies supporting the increase in stess / depression / risk taking behaviours in teenagers and many studies draw correlations to the limited freedom children are increasingly having

you contradict yourself. As the majority of kids have mobiles then why the 'increasingly' limited freedom

as for depression link? I can link you to half a dozen studies linking screen use to mental health and depression . I'd be happy to read the ones to which you refer