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Original poster

Oh, blardy heck, how do I sort this one out?

35 replies

bidibidi · 26/05/2011 16:49

6yo DS, very jealous of siblings.
9yo DD: invited to a school yr4 sleepover, on a Thursday night (in local scout hut). Not expected at school next day and personally I think she'll be too shattered by others talking/jibbering all night to go, anyway. I have to collect her sometime after 7:30am on the Friday (15 min. walk away from home, 10 min. walk from school, which starts at 8:50am).

DD wants to go, but DS will kick off about her getting a free day off school. He's got a point, imo. What's worse, the Thursday is his birthday. DC never normally have day off school just because it's their birthday. Yes I am a wimp parent, but I also need to come up with a solution that keeps my stress levels down (and yes I do have health issues in that regard). Should I

A) Tell DS tough luck, he has to go to school on Friday & DD doesn't. He might get a day off in Yr4, too (then again, he probably won't, they didn't do this event in the past). I'll have the joy of dragging DS (explosive hyper-emotional temperment) to Scout Hut early to collect his Sis, then back up to school, where his smirking (maybe) sis will wave him off.

B) Let DS have his birthday off school to "make it fair"

C) Make DD go to school on the Friday to "make it fair"

D) Sod the pair of them and don't let DD go to sleepover.

WWYD?

OP posts:

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mad4mainecoons · 26/05/2011 17:04

Mine are only 4 ans 1 so im not speaking from much experience here, but i would be inclined to let your DD do the sleepover as her classmates will be talking about it and it will be sad for her to miss out.

and say to your DS - sorry but tough DD is older and she is going to do the sleepover. lie and say he will get to do the same in Yr4. he just has to accept that because she is older, she gets to do somethings that he does not

its just life - you cant always "make it fair" i dont think you need to be concerned with the isse of birthdays, she is onlyhaving the day off because of the sleepover.

as i said - i have never been there - but that would be my plan of action.
good luck whatever you decide

ihearthuckabees · 26/05/2011 17:05

I think I'd go down the tough luck route, but maybe you could ask one of DD's friend's parents to collect her when they collect their own DC, so you don't have to drag jealous DS out early on his birthday. Have a nice, special birthday breakfast with him instead.

ihearthuckabees · 26/05/2011 17:06

Oops, just noticed his birthday in on the Thursday.

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Firawla · 26/05/2011 17:07

i agree with mad4maine although mine are much younger too so no experience in that
but i think it would be v unfair to make dd miss out just because her little brother will be jealous, and that is giving him too much power in the family.
make a fuss of him on his bday, hopefully he will feel that he has had a great day and enjoyed himself, nice presents etc so he wont be too bothered as that will be a distraction for him?
and yes tell him he can do the same in yr 4, cos hopefully they will do it again? if not he may forget by then

ihearthuckabees · 26/05/2011 17:08

Have a nice birthday evening treat on the Thursday, with older sister away at sleepover. Will make DS feel special/important/centre of attention

RockOnMrs · 26/05/2011 17:11

I would do A). The fact that Thursday is his birthday is irrelevant to this particular situation - if your other DC don't get days off for birthdays, nor should your DS.

If you really can't stand the whingeing, do D) but only if you feel that this is fair to your daughter - if she wants to do the sleepover, you've got to do A) really.

Can someone else collect your DD on Friday morning and hang on to her until after you've dropped your DS at school?

ClenchedBottom · 26/05/2011 17:11

Hmm I agree, if DD wants to go then definitely let her, otherwise that's v unfair.
So make a big fuss of DS on his birthday, special time etc etc? - So good, in fact, that he'll want to tell everyone at school about it the next morning? - Could he travel to school on the Friday with a friend as a 'treat' to distract him from the DD thing? - Drop in that she'll be either sleeping or helping with housework the next day whilst he's at school, maybe?

fivegomadindorset · 26/05/2011 17:14

Ruprekt · 26/05/2011 17:17

I would let DD go and make a massive fuss of ds on thursday night.

Take him out for dinner and give him an early birthday present and prepare myself for the fall out on Friday.

Catsu · 26/05/2011 17:21

Def a.
Anything else is just pandering to a sulky 6 yr old and will make him worse in future!

Do something really nice with ds on thurs after school for his birthday without dd there to spoil him a bit and tell him his turn for a yr 4 sleepover and day off school will come in yr 4!

RufousBartleby · 26/05/2011 18:56

Option 'D' is not 'Sodding the pair of them' - it is pandering to a 6 year old and letting his jealousy prevent your DD taking part in a perfectly reasonable activity.

Will others of your DDs peers be attending school on the Friday? If so, I would be inclined to send her. IME sleepovers/camping etc of such young children tends to be carefully managed and they are not actually allowed to talk until all hours so may not be as bad as you think. Okay, so she might be a bit tired and need an early night the next night, but its not going to be that awful.

Original poster

bidibidi · 26/05/2011 19:11

Ime of Brownies & school residential Sleepovers, they barely get to sleep at all! DD & DS say there's always at least a couple who just won't shut up & keep everyone else awake. DC always come home very very shattered. One birthday sleepover the other parents let DS and his mate to it, so naturally the boys didn't sleep all night.

I shall grit my teeth & go with A. Unlikely anyone else can collect DD and nothing exclusively special I can do the birthday night with DS, as I'm not shot of DD until 6pm (and it is a school night). But if I'm braced for a nightmare morning I guess it won't be any worse than a nightmare. I shall report back here & let you all know how it went .

OP posts:

Amaretti · 26/05/2011 19:17

There must be something you can do with him between 6 and 7 that night, even if it's only hot choc, popcorn and a favourite tv programme. and maybe cocopops for Friday breakfast?

LawrieMarlow · 26/05/2011 19:18

If you could get someone else to pick up DD that might help.

Does seem an odd thing for a school to do on a Thursday night. What will they do with children who do come in on the Friday? The teachers will be worn out too I should think.

Amaretti · 26/05/2011 19:19

Also, make sure he knows that his sister won't be doing much of interest on the Friday, but resting because she'll be tired.

MCos · 28/05/2011 00:17

Do you really need to ask??? A) of course.

Just don't make a big deal about it.

And as Amaretti said, surely there is something you can do with him as a treat while his sister is on sleepover.

hsurp · 28/05/2011 09:35

Basically, say to DS that DD is older and he will have a chance when he gets older. He will likely cause a fit but forget about it in the long run. Either that, or have DD go to school as well as DS, because you have time to get DD to school. I just can't believe that a sleepover would be on a school night! Something is definitely wrong with that!!! I would bring it up to the people in charge. This should be a no-brainer! I would say that if you let her stay over night, let DS sometime in the future have a day off. Just to be fair. That way, you are not lying to him. That would be better, I think.

atswimtwolengths · 28/05/2011 13:20

hsurp you'd let a child have an unauthorised day off school just because he's jealous of his sister's authorised day off?

Why is your son so jealous of his siblings, OP? Does this affect the family in many ways? What caused it, do you think?

Original poster

bidibidi · 28/05/2011 13:37

I dunno why atswim, Sibling Rivalry was something that only happened to other families until he was about 2yo. I think he's on the ADHD spectrum (other DC are not), if that's relevant. Very "in your face" child. Yes it makes life extremely stressful. I would have a very different experience of parenthood if DC3 were not here.

Just realised that I have paid for DD to have a keyboard lesson (in school hours) the day she's allowed to have off for sleepover, so I think she will have to go in anyway . Although, long story but because friend has broken his foot likely that someone else in that family can collect DD for me, if needed. I think I will tell her she has to go to school that day, like it or not. She'll grumble, but I have a solid reason to require it, now.

OP posts:

mynameisplonker · 29/05/2011 00:27

mathanxiety · 31/05/2011 05:19

Don't bother tying yourself in knots making things fair. You don't have to get sucked into that game where the only person who is guaranteed to lose is you.

Please yourself and let the chips fall where they may. Don't let them dictate what's on the agenda. Roll your eyes and tell your DS to get over himself.

ScrotalPantomime · 31/05/2011 05:51

She could have the morning off and go in later?

Anyway, I'd basically go for A. Make sure he has a lovely birthday. Whatever he wants for dinner and then some quality time playing with his presents before bed. :)

Dancergirl · 31/05/2011 09:22

Def, def A!

If there is already a lot of sibling rivalry, whatever you do don't for a 'make it fair' option. This may make it easier this time but you will be setting a precedent which will be a complete nightmare in the future. You will then have to make it fair for every single little thing that comes up.

You need to make it v clear to your ds that you are in charge, for some things there is no negotiation and sometimes things aren't fair.

ThisIsJustASagaNow · 31/05/2011 09:30

I'd go with A too. These situations come up often in life. If you don't stick like glue to option A it's Negotiation City for ever more and they will know that playing up and wearing you down gets results.

It happens too sometimes if a dc has a birthday on a weekend or in a holiday and the other doesn't.

I just say I don't make the rules..(actually I got that from Harry Hill but it works)

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 31/05/2011 13:10

havnt read thread . Life is tought tell DS to suck it up seriously . You will have one entitled kid if you let him believe he can have what he wants because inhis opinion its not fair . How horrible for your DD if she cant have anything just in case her brither has a paddy , Yoe need to start telling him no .

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