DH's parenting manual to fix what is going wrong with the youth of today...

[GreatGreySlug]

DH says his book would have only 3 words - Shout-Smack-CUDDLE!

I used to disagree with him but reading about standards of behaviour in schools declining, increasing violence in society and prisons overflowing, I'm starting to think he is right. What do people think?

You simply cannot beat children into submission. Gadaffi tried the same thing and look what has happened in Libya.

Has your Dh not heard of the stare? It still works on my 21 year old six footer.

It would take much more than a stare to make our DS behave! How do you do that? What are they scared of exactly when you stare?

He's 6 and you can't make him behave without smacking?

its 'the look'.......doesnt work well with us as teen girls have floppy fringes so cant see me well enough!!

They are scared that I can see deep into their soul and read their minds. Or it might be that they think my head will explode if they don't stop what they are doing.
It works for me, though. I have looked after children for 20 years as a nursery nurse and have never ever felt like giving any of them a wallop. I don't shout at them either.

bloody hell, you're telling us now that although DH has all the answers and invited us to purchase his ground-breaking new book on childcare but your 6yr is giving you grief?

No Goblinchild, he doesn't behave as well as I'd like him to with me doing rewards for good behaviour, missing out on things for bad behaviour and going to his room for violent behaviour then talking about it together when he has calmed down. But maybe I'm too fussy. He could be worse, I've seen worse behaved children. I find him just about manageable on a bad day. It's the fact that he doesn't seem to do the bad things noticeably less as time progresses, even when I carry out those consequences. I sometimes think maybe I need to do more/something different, and DH thinks that thing maybe smacking.

My friend subscribes to OP dh's parenting handbook, plenty of shouts and smacks and cuddles. Her five children are the most badly behaved children I know tbh. Once the ds got to 11 he started hitting her back and at 12 dropped out of school. Her dd 22 still has toddler style tantrums because she knows no other way to communicate her needs and she doesn't seem to be embarrassed to stand and scream when she wants her own way.
She actually finds it astonishing that mine listen when I speak and treat me respectfully because she doesn't have that experience and she doesn't understand how it can be achieved without the smacks and the shouts.
I think I'll give it a miss if you don't mind.

poor little sod, his parents haven't got a clue what they are doing

your dh needs a good parenting course. I recommend Webster-Stratton Incredible Years. It's very good.

And you need to wake up and stop mooning over your numpty of a husband and decide what you think your ds needs. Clue: it's not violence

You all make it sound like you know exactly what you're doing, never doubt yourselves and have perfectly behaved children, can this really be true!

Littlepigshavebigears - I described what I do at the moment when DS misbehaves - does that really merit the comment "..his parents haven't got a clue what they are doing"? Or am I just saying I feel I'm doing some things right, things are going ok but I feel they could be better, I realise I'm not perfect (unlike you lot it seems) and maybe I need to do more. People make some exaggerated comments on here!

but you are considering your dh's "solution", aren't you? And you don't stand in your dh's way when he pursues his radical and innovative policy of hitting your ds when he misbehaves, do you? If my dh hit either of the children....well, he would only do it once!

I think you need to get a grip. Your child deserves better. And your dh is a tosser.

exagerated comments?? yes,perhaps like your DH's comments on how to fix the youth of today?? the 'youth' of today? perhaps he needs to start with the violent 6 year old he already has??

Of course we don't know exactly what we are doing, who does? It's just that we've ruled some of the extremes out. Like hitting children.
I'm a teacher. I've been told by parents to hit their children if they don't behave. I've even been offered a bamboo cane to do it with.
Not needed it somehow.

i've not said anything about knowing exactly what i'm doing, in fact i think i said it's bloody hard to know what you're doing as things change all the time. (albeit in a round about way)

OP, have YOU got any opinions on how to raise your kid?

your 'D'H wants you to slap him, what do YOU want to do? all you've done is tell us what your partner says, and how 'other people' haven't got it right....nope, no-one ever gets it 100% right, but the ones who get it more right that others are the ones that try..........

What did you think the response was going to be on a parenting forum OP?
Are you surprised that so many disagree with your OH's code for success?
Especially those of us with a bit more experience?
I'm sure there are other forums out there that would give you the support you would like.

Here you go, you can always trust a Fundamentalist Christian.
www.religioustolerance.org/spankin3.htm

fucking weirdos

beneath contempt imo

Well, without wanting to sound too smug, my dc have never been smacked and neither have every behaved the way your ds does. They both respect me and dh, not through fear, but through respect.
I was scared of my df, certainly didnt respect him and left home as soon as I could (never to return).

Beaker - so far I have described what I do when DS misbehaves - those are the things I think I should do, and I've said I always disagreed with smacking for reasons people have said on here - that how can you justify telling your children not to hit if you hit them, and the fact that you'd have to hit them harder and harder as they got tougher and that would be even worse. But I've also said that I still don't feel I'm doing enough, and that it worries me that the youth of today have little respect for authority. I haven't really said how much I'm considering DH's view, but I'm considering it as far as when my DS physically attacks me, I'm wondering if I should say "If you hit me again I'm going to hit you back".

'youth of today have little respect for authority'....what do you mean by that?????

"If you hit me again I'm going to hit you back"

that's not even smacking, it's plain old schoolyard retaliation fgs

do you not think your ds' dysfunctional behaviour might have something to do with the fact that his parents can't achieve a basic level of consistency in his care? His mother clearly doesn't know Arthur from Martha, and his father is so gleeful about the benefits of hitting small children that he feels moved to recommend it to the rest of us?

poor little bugger

You havent answered my question about how your dh deals with disrespect from you.

ILoveTiffany - I mean the increasing number of stories in the news about teenaged gang members killing each other, and younger people than before seem to be doing worse things more often. Also news stories about teachers struggling to cope with their pupils, and today it was in the news how many 4-6 year olds are being suspended/excluded for violent behaviour.

I think you need to stop reading the daily mail.