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Original poster

DH's parenting manual to fix what is going wrong with the youth of today...

124 replies

GreatGreySlug · 25/04/2011 11:40

DH says his book would have only 3 words - Shout-Smack-CUDDLE!

I used to disagree with him but reading about standards of behaviour in schools declining, increasing violence in society and prisons overflowing, I'm starting to think he is right. What do people think?

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Original poster
GreatGreySlug · 25/04/2011 13:32

BeakerTheMuppetMuppet - you worry whether your too hard - that's what I mean - how many people are soft because they are worried what their friends will think if they are too hard.

Rainbow - I am exploring my DH's view and that is what this thread is about so that is why I am bringing in his explanations for it. Reading Mumsnet it seems that lots of people are quick to start using abusive language when they don't agree with other points of view even though it is a forum for people to read about different points of view. I don't see the requirement for this.

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 25/04/2011 13:34

The troubled youth of today have of course been smacked - they also have no self worth so see nothing wrong with reflecting that onto the people they are abusive to.

rainbowinthesky · 25/04/2011 13:38

It's not a point of view I am disagreeing with as such, rather your dh's right to be violent to a child.

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BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 25/04/2011 13:42

GGS

have YOU got any opinion on this then?

and people use abusive/negative language when the disagree, it helps get THEIR point across. it's not a quick-fire questions and answers forum, it's open for discussion.

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh · 25/04/2011 13:45

hit kids and they learn violence.
Shout at them and they learn to shout back.

Use age appropriate language to discuss with them, as you would an adult, and they learn that people are reasonable and can work together.

purepurple · 25/04/2011 13:48

But what do you do when they are big enough to start hitting you back?
Use a weapon?
Shoot the bastards?

Original poster
GreatGreySlug · 25/04/2011 13:50

Wolfhound - I'm sure some of the 'troubled youth' have been smacked too much. But I bet lots of them have not been smacked at all. I bet it's not just the smacked ones who are doing the bad things.

I've heard lots of people say "I was smacked as a child and it hasn't done me any harm", and for a lot of them it doesn't appear to have and they haven't been violent themselves or got into trouble with the law etc. How many of you were smacked but didn't get into trouble with the law? I was and I didn't! But I also know people who were and did! So I'm not sure a quick smack that's not severe enough to do physical harm for bad behaviour as a child has as much to do with people turning out 'bad' or good as people might think. I think other factors must play a bigger part. Eg things like never saying "No" to the endless things that children say they want, and letting them get away with too many things because of overuse of the 'ignoring bad behaviour' technique, and not interacting with them enough, and not giving them enough affection, and trying to get them to shut up as quickly as possible so you can have a quiet life when they have strong feelings they want to express rather than helping them talk about it. We are probably all guilty of doing these things at times but some parents more than others.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 25/04/2011 13:53

OP - how would you feel if teachers adopted your dh's approach in the classroom?

BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 25/04/2011 13:57

you've given yourself an answer here though, smacking a child has no consequence on whether they behave 'well' or 'badly' as an adult.

TethersEnd · 25/04/2011 13:57

I am influenced mainly by my years of training as a teacher and in working in the EBD sector, studying behaviour management techniques further and forming my own practice in working with disturbed and challenging children.

Or Mumsnet or Eastenders or something.

Anyway. Your DH proclaims:

'it's all about getting the balance right - not being too hard or too soft, and that if you have to do a punishment for bad behaviour you should balance it out with plenty of affection when they are being good.'

Yes. You should. But not at the same bloody time.

Smacking ups the stakes. If you have more in your arsenal, then start with smacking. But it won't end well.

BTW, your DH is very welcome to come and try out some of his techniques with my year 10s Smile

Original poster
GreatGreySlug · 25/04/2011 13:58

...and that thing where some schools won't let anyone win a race in sports day in case the ones who don't win feel too disappointed - that sort of approach, so they never learn how to deal with not getting exactly what they want or being the best.

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 25/04/2011 14:00

I use many of the same techniques at home as I do in school. I've been teaching decades and my children are 16 and 20. My son has Asperger's and was prone to aggression when pushed into meltdowns.
So, not yelling and smacking has worked well for me for a long time. It will take a much better arguemet that you have presented so far GGS to change my opinion of corporal punishment being effective.

Goblinchild · 25/04/2011 14:01
BeakerTheMuppetMuppet · 25/04/2011 14:02

no, if they want something they can't have, your DH would shout at them, slap them, then cuddle them

Confused much but still stuck at home so will carry on

Goblinchild · 25/04/2011 14:02
TethersEnd · 25/04/2011 14:03
GypsyMoth · 25/04/2011 14:05

like to see you,or your DH attempt to smack a big,tall 14 year old......and then watch them call the police on you for assault!!

Prunnhilda · 25/04/2011 14:06

Think about it this way:
actually teasing out why crime rises and falls, if and why behaviour in schools is different these days and what to do about it, how and why the youth of today are dragging us to hell in a handbasket - these things take massive amounts of creative and rigorous academic study. (Freakonomics is quite a good read on aspects of this.)

It would be really surprising if you could sum it all up as 'shout-smack-cuddle'. I mean, your dh could be a guru. Hmm

Goblinchild · 25/04/2011 14:06
rainbowinthesky · 25/04/2011 14:07

Awww, but Tilly, they'd just have to give the 14 year old a cuddle and the police would come to the door, see the family hug, smile to themselves and leave- all is well.

Original poster
GreatGreySlug · 25/04/2011 14:08

PurePurple - I've used that argument before - that you'd have to hit them harder and harder the bigger they got, and I wouldn't want to do that, but there's the theory that once they've learnt as younger children, to respect authority, because they've had a few smacks, they won't do it so much as they get older. Maybe a bit of fear of authority is good rather than teenagers not being scared of the police etc and thinking they can do what they want.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 25/04/2011 14:09

Ds is much larger than me at 15. Can you ask your dh the best way of giving him a smack?? Can't do it at the moment as he's at the Tate (must have been all those cuddles smacks.

GypsyMoth · 25/04/2011 14:10

have you not heard of hormones??

all that they learnt goes out the window when hormones start raging.....how does your DH plan on combating those???

rainbowinthesky · 25/04/2011 14:10

How does your dh deal with you, greatgreyslug, if you dont show respect to him?

exoticfruits · 25/04/2011 14:16

I would love to see him implementing it! (like throwing an innocent to the lions!)

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