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Parenting

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Original poster

Do you like being a full time Mum?

37 replies

bepi01 · 19/04/2011 13:54

I've worked since my DD was 9mths and my contract is due to end in October. My DD is now 2.3. I think I'd really like to take time some time out to bring up my DD before she goes to school and I don't have the option anymore however I'm scared. Scared that we will be poor (my DH brings in an ok wage but we would need to watch every penny), scared it will drive me up the wall and (and this is a biggie) scared that no one will take me back into the work place if I take any time out.

What do you like about being a full-time Mum? Any tips to stay sane and rewarded?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

butterflyexperience · 19/04/2011 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

slipperandpjsmum · 19/04/2011 17:12

I work full time but I am still a full time Mum.

Pheebe · 19/04/2011 18:52

I feel quite insulted by the implicaton that because I work I'm a part time mum! My feelings aside, I would love to have the option to be at home with them all the time. Financially its not an option for us.

Would part time work be an option? Taking a complete career break can affect your long-term career path. It really depends what your work is.

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TurtlesAreRetroRight · 19/04/2011 18:56

I'm a sahm.

I love it. Absolutely love it. I always thought I'd go back to work.

Money's a struggle, I worry about work when I return to it but I have never, ever been happier.

iskra · 19/04/2011 18:58

I hate the phrase "full time mum". I am currently a SAHM, but when I return to work I won't be a "part time mum". My partner is not a "part time dad".

omniscrambles · 19/04/2011 19:01

I was going to come on and say that iskra but see you have very eloquently beaten me to it.

I think none of your fears are justified really apaprt from the getting back into the workplace - friends of mine who are sahm and now trying to get back into work are finding it very hard indeed.

part time work?

Teenytinytoes · 19/04/2011 19:01

I'm another person bit taken aback by the full time mum term (probably just as bad as the other extreme of referring to a SAHM as a housewife).

Does sound like a nice idea though to spend more time with your DD now. Does she go to preschool yet? It's quite a nice lifestyle when they do as quite easy to have a bit of time to yourself and then quality time when the DC is back home. Also remember having quite a good social life with other mums at that stage. I suppose how it affects work is down to what your job is and whether you plan any more DCs??

The3Bears · 19/04/2011 19:02

I have been a SAHM since ds was born 4 yrs ago and although we've been unable to go on holiday together yet or saved enough for a deposit for our first house I can honestly say I wouldnt have changed it for the world.
Sometimes you feel like you never stop and are never apreciated however,
I got to enjoy those precious first few years which you will never get back, enjoy!

angrymomma · 19/04/2011 19:12

Usually find being a SAHM great, but not today as DS2 threw my ipod out of open window and it looks like some greedy twat has waltzed off with it, aaaaaaarrrrggghhh!

Whelk · 19/04/2011 19:48

I have to work part time to support my children. I am still a full time Mum. Working to earn money to support them is part of being a mum

Whelk · 19/04/2011 19:49

I have absolutely nothing against SAHMs by the way- just the phrase you used. Do what works for you

katjuska · 19/04/2011 20:12

I prefer a phrase stay at home mum rather then full time mum. Either way I love being with my daughter. She is two and half and being with her is getting more and more exciting as time goes by.

Lot of women have to make compromises! We don?t all get always we wish for. I and my husband decided that I should stay at home. We couldn?t really afford. We moved into one bedroom apartment. We can?t go on holidays. We have prioritized on what we buy and she always comes first. We can?t eat out or party because we can?t afford part time caretaker etc?but you know what? We both see the benefits of that sacrifice. Our daughter is an angel! We both adore spending time with her and we don?t regret the decision.

I had a good job as an operation analyst in the city and if I kept it we would all be better off financially but I doubt the rest would be the same.
We live in materialistic society and if you believe that your child is better off having material stuff then why feel guilty? Go to work and let others raise your child part time or what ever term you want to use. Also if having time for your self and peace and friends and shopping are more important then sacrificing few years for your child then by all means go to work. Being at home with a child can be painful, tiring and frustrating job according to some women. This all may sound like I am trying to say that you are a bad mother because you don?t want to be with your child but frankly you all know here in UK which is thought to be a nanny state that the fact that children are being massively raised by institutions and childcare etc has terrible consequences on society. Care. Don?t care.
Do what you feel is the right thing to do in your heart.

PonceyMcPonce · 19/04/2011 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueberryPancake · 19/04/2011 20:17

I am a sahm, I can't afford the ipod, I have a phone that dates back from the mid 80s but I am very happy. I don't plan activities every day of the week. God I hated schedules and meetings and looking at my watch at work, I am not going to impose some schedule of Tuesday Swimming; followed by Ballet and French Comptines. Nozway. I like the freedom to take it easy with my kids and do whatever we please. We play together, go out, enjoy ourselves. Go for long walks anf look for bumblebees. I can't stand all those structured 'springboard to being clevver' rubbish a la tumbletots.

As for finding a job afterwards; it's a tough world out there at the moment. I don't know about your job/career/background, but I know that in my field, jobs are few and far between. Three years ago I would have been able to find a job in no time. But now, I don't know. Just the job market.

1saidNO · 19/04/2011 20:18

I don't like being a SAHM. Meant to do it for no more than 3 years & got trapped into 7. Will be so happy when I can have a work life of my own again.

meditrina · 19/04/2011 20:32

Since becoming a mother, I have worked part-time and full-time, been a SAHM, and done voluntary work (latter is rewarding in itself, can be v flexible, and selfishly keeps your CV going).

You don't have to stick to one pattern. And if you find the pattern you are on is wrong (changed circumstances, need for more income, whatever) you can change. You can't always get what you want (eg seamless transition to perfect job at the perfect moment), but if you can embrace the idea that you can make it up as you go along, it's very liberating.

One bit of gratuitous advice from someone with older children, reception is not the best time to be job hunting - your child may well need you more from about 3pm onwards and in the holidays and for random concerts, plays, sports days etc. And generally I found the primary years the most hostile to working life.

Original poster

bepi01 · 21/04/2011 12:00

Sorry. I didn't mean to offend with the phrase full time Mum; wasn't sure how to describe it. I agree if you work you are a full time Mum 247!! Thanks for all your views. I think I'm in a position where I feel looking after her at home all the time would drive me mad but it might also be very fulfiling and I know I'm lucky being able to financially do this at a push. I'm very tired with my working life - I work in HR management and it's hard to juggle what is a negative work environment at the moment with having enough energy to give to my DD. Thanks again

OP posts:

hokeycakey · 21/04/2011 16:07

I have been a sahm for 3 1/2 years and have had my ups and downs, in the main though I absolutely love it have ds and dd 3 and 1, I think the key is to make friends with other mums you really need a support system, get out as much as you can and focus on the positives at the end of each day.

I have no immediate plans to go back to work but do find I need to have something outside of the kids, I managed to get an NHS bursary to do a course on a saturday which has been fantastic and means that dh gets a taste of my day to day life!

If you want to and can I would say go for it, this time really is so short, there are positives and negatives to any job and being a sahm is no different except for the fact that it is so tied up with your emotions..... let us know what you decide

Ormirian · 21/04/2011 16:08

What other kind is there?

Absolutelyfabulous · 21/04/2011 16:09

Yep - I absolutely bloody love it!

Especially now all my DC are at school!

blueshoes · 21/04/2011 16:52

If you take time out, be prepared to find it very hard to get back into HR management again a few years later, if at all. All other changes are easy to make, but getting back into work again at the same level in the same profession is not. Go on the basis that if you leave, you must be prepared to leave for good.

If you are prepared to accept that, then go for it.

Nightsdrawingin · 22/04/2011 09:09

I don't see why everyone gets so upset about the phrase 'full time mum' - it's quite obvious to me that those mothers who stay at home with their children are more 'full time' with their children than I am since I go to work, otherwise it seems to me that we are disregarding the extra time they put in - doesn't mean I'm a part-time mum though and no one has suggested that as far as I can see. Personally I love going to work and feel it makes me a better mother when I'm at home, but that's just my choice and my preferences.

omniscrambles · 22/04/2011 10:44

Its because we are still mums with all the responsibility and worry etc even as we are at work Nightsdrawingin - just as we are still mums if we leave the dcs with granny for the day etc.

Do all sahms suddenly become 'part time mums' when their dc go to school?

Prunnhilda · 22/04/2011 10:47

I did it almost exactly the way you are thinking of doing it: worked 9m to 2.2 yo. I have found it drives me up the wall. And getting back into the workplace - well it does depend on your job, but I am struggling with this now.
What I would say is that working p/t is easier than f/t (generally) and it gives you time with your dd and also keeps your hand in at work. I'd highly recommend that (and if I could go back and do things over, I'd change a lot!).

ivykaty44 · 22/04/2011 10:49

I like being a full time mum and I like my paid employment

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