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Parenting

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Original poster

Aaaaggghhhh why MUST I have a second child??

68 replies

dappymoo · 12/04/2011 16:43

seriously, my baby is 6 months old and I had a crappy birth which I am still recovering from physically and mentally. And we have a two bed house and can't afford to move. A second baby is soooooo not on the cards, although it would be nice from a selfish point of view, I don't think it is a good idea and my husband agrees.

So why is everyone I know trying for their second and desperate to have them (even when not enjoying the first) and some are even planning two without even having one yet? That seems mad to me, they don't even know what parenting is like, how can they know they want that many? I love kids but I get so much love from my daughter and now I "have experienced childbirth" I think if we had enough room/money for more I might adopt/foster.... I don't see the need to bring more into the world (at the moment...realise this could change)

It's just driving me mad that everyone is so desperate for a second when they have been blessed with one, and people look at me like I'm mad when I say I'm not planning another one anytime soon. Really, I feel like the only person who doesn't want to get pregnant asap! And my baby is still a baby!!

Aaggh. Sorry. Rant over.

OP posts:

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K999 · 12/04/2011 16:45

I know. I got this too after I had DD1.....it's fucking annoying!

PaigeTurner · 12/04/2011 16:49

This gets on my tits too. I have one and I only want one. People who say "ooh well you never know" need to park it!

K999 · 12/04/2011 16:52

I have to say though that I did have another one.......7 years later!!

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Tigresswoods · 12/04/2011 16:52

DS is 13 months and I've been constantly justifying myself on thus subject for months.

Why improve on perfection?

See current PFB thread in chat.

OmShantiJack · 12/04/2011 16:55

Seriously... people are being twats. It's like being an only child is only one step better than being related to Osama Bin Laden.

Of course you don't have to have a second child!!

I only have one.. Seriously shit birth, PTSD after, and I just turned 42. I've perfected the very firm "no, there will be no more" line and the "seriously, fuck off" face - people don't ask anymore. Well, twattish people don't ask anymore. :o

May I offer an invitation to The One Child Tea Room to any of you? It's the 25th thread but please don't be put off by that, we love newcomers and are a very welcoming bunch. Some of us have more than one, and last year we had visitors from the Multiple Births threads :o who envied us our butler and we always have a fully stocked cappucino bar and drinks cart.

Come join us and vent about silly people... :)

Original poster

dappymoo · 12/04/2011 17:02

Ooh I'm there! So glad you know what I'm talking about! Maybe in 7 years I'll be ready! It must make people who can't have any more feel terrible.

OP posts:

K999 · 12/04/2011 17:04

Aww...can I join the tea room? I have 2 DDs but promise to behave myself?

OmShantiJack · 12/04/2011 17:06

Of course, please do - at least one of us has more than one, and some are still trying. And please don't behave yourself... what fun would that be?? :o

ChocolateEggyrolls · 12/04/2011 17:07

Right up until I had ds I didn't think I wanted a second but I AM NOT GIVING HIM BACK . Personally though even when you have had a second people ask when you are having the next one I don't believe it ever stops!

OmShantiJack · 12/04/2011 17:08

That's a really good point!

Unless you have, like, six... then people start giving you a hard time about that! :o

BobbiDazzler · 12/04/2011 17:09

It doesn't sound like anyone is pressuring you, just like they are really into the idea themselves. Which begs the question - why are you so obsessed with how many children other people want?@OP

FunnysInTheGarden · 12/04/2011 17:10

It took me 4 years to have my second. I've always thought that a small gap is MADNESS. I did have to justify it though, mainly to my mum and dad.

swallowedAfly · 12/04/2011 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BobbiDazzler · 12/04/2011 17:11

I had a 4 year gap between 1 and 2. Doesn't mean that people who have a small gap are 'mad'. Talk about pot and kettle, ladies.

NoWayNoHow · 12/04/2011 17:14

Got to agree, it's the "oh well, you never know, you may change your mind" as if that's the only thing they can think of say when someone commits the cardinal sin of admitting that one's just plenty!!

K999 · 12/04/2011 17:15

In fairness, my gap of 7 years was down to getting rid of one useless idiot husband and getting another one! Nah, DP is fantastic actually! (just in case he reads this!)

reallytired · 12/04/2011 17:17

I have two children with a seven year age gap. My youngest is two next week.

I think its madness to plan to have a baby and young toddler. The only reason I think for having children quickly is if you are an older mother. It is easier to afford university tutition fees/ nursery fees if your children are at least four years appart.

In someways the toddler stage is tougher than the baby stage. Its more fun than the baby stage, but I cannot take my eyes off my dd for second. She is chaos and very active.

sunshineatlast · 12/04/2011 17:17

You dont have to.
You can, if you want,try to.
Doesnt mean youll have another.
People make different choices, doesnt mean some people are right, or wrong.
Focus on your baby and ignore the competitive brigade.

Firawla · 12/04/2011 17:20

I was thinking same as bobbidazzler, it doesn't sound as though they are pressuring you so much to have another they just want more themselves so really why should you care?
They must be happy with the idea otherwise they wouldn't bother? the same with having small age gaps
I have 2, expecting the 3rd and they are all with small age gaps but it really does not bother me if someone else wants to stick with just the 1 or wants to have a 10 yrs gap - each to their own!
Also i don't think its particularly rare for people not to be considering another/yet when they have their 1st @ 6 months so surprised people are looking at you like you are mad. I thought that people with lots of small kids tend to get the "are you mad" comments more, i guess maybe it depends on whats the norm in your area etc
anyway just ignore them and enjoy the child you have

NettoSuperstar · 12/04/2011 17:20

I still get asked when I'll have a second.
DD is 9, I'm single and was sterilised 3 years ago!

K999 · 12/04/2011 17:22

My mums friend was sterilised....then she got pregnant! Was her 6th!!

Stropperella · 12/04/2011 17:25

Do what feels right and stuff what anyone else wants. It's your body and your life and you know what you can cope with. There is no law that says you have to do these things a certain way.

Original poster

dappymoo · 12/04/2011 17:31

Haha! Ok maybe I should have called the thread "why must I have a second to be considered normal?" Honestly I may as well say I'm a rapist. You're right though, this area is quite full of yummy mummies who pop them out like they're going out of fashion. I do think people must be terribly confident if they get pregnant when their first isn't even one!
I'm not massively irritated its just lately been annoying as people can't comprehend only having one. It makes me wonder how much thought they put into having another. Lemmings perhaps?

OP posts:

Original poster

dappymoo · 12/04/2011 17:33

I wouldn't have a kid because of peer pressure by the way... In wondering if many people do....

OP posts:

nenevomito · 12/04/2011 17:35

Maybe everyone you know is trying for a second because they want one? Why do their choices bother you so much? When I had PND with my DS I swore I wouldn't have another, but was too careless to follow through on that promise DH has 3, and there is a 15 year age gap between 1&2.

Maybe you will only have one. Good for you. I'm sure that no one else is as bothered about your choice as you think they are.

I get really dicked off with people who chose to stop at one, or stay child free justifying their choices to me when I don't really care. It seems that just by having 3 around, the assumption is that I think everyone should/

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