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Parenting

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Original poster

Aaaaggghhhh why MUST I have a second child??

68 replies

dappymoo · 12/04/2011 16:43

seriously, my baby is 6 months old and I had a crappy birth which I am still recovering from physically and mentally. And we have a two bed house and can't afford to move. A second baby is soooooo not on the cards, although it would be nice from a selfish point of view, I don't think it is a good idea and my husband agrees.

So why is everyone I know trying for their second and desperate to have them (even when not enjoying the first) and some are even planning two without even having one yet? That seems mad to me, they don't even know what parenting is like, how can they know they want that many? I love kids but I get so much love from my daughter and now I "have experienced childbirth" I think if we had enough room/money for more I might adopt/foster.... I don't see the need to bring more into the world (at the moment...realise this could change)

It's just driving me mad that everyone is so desperate for a second when they have been blessed with one, and people look at me like I'm mad when I say I'm not planning another one anytime soon. Really, I feel like the only person who doesn't want to get pregnant asap! And my baby is still a baby!!

Aaggh. Sorry. Rant over.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

swallowedAfly · 12/04/2011 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

peppapighastakenovermylife · 12/04/2011 17:35

I have just returned to work after having DS3. I have a 4.5, 2.5 and 7 month old and still people ask me every day when we are having another one.

When I look at them in horror they seem confused....

I think it is just conversation

MollieO · 12/04/2011 17:38

I think it gets easier as you get older. I have one. I'm 45. No one ever asks if I'm planning to have any more!

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NettoSuperstar · 12/04/2011 17:38

No, no swallowed, I haven't had sex since Feb last year so I'm not worried

Sadly these days, I'd far rather have a cup of tea[sigh]

NettoSuperstar · 12/04/2011 17:41

Oh, just 12 years to go before the questioning stops then

Original poster

dappymoo · 12/04/2011 17:41

Ok I think some people are missing the point. I'm just annoyed at peoples reaction to the idea of only having one. And I feel I have to justify it (when my baby is tiny!) yet I don't ask people why they want another. I might start asking though.

OP posts:

bibbitybobbityhat · 12/04/2011 17:42

No, people really are not that interested in the choices you make. Honestly. They couldn't give a fig. Whereas you, otoh, seem to be wrapped up in what other people want/are planning.

Odd.

Original poster

dappymoo · 12/04/2011 17:45

I need a standard response... What could it be?

When I was pregnant if people said "you're massive" I wanted to say "and you're ugly, but I can diet"

People should think before they speak.

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mitochondria · 12/04/2011 17:45

I thought I'd shut them up by having a second. Apparently, though, two boys isn't good enough.

I'm going to make a t-shirt with NO, I WILL NOT BE TRYING FOR A GIRL written on it in big letters.

Unless you have one of each gender and stop there, people will comment, I think.

NoWayNoHow · 12/04/2011 17:46

I think how many children people have is more of an issue for parents of onlies as it's CONSTANTLY being asked about. Every time I see any friends, even ones I see frequently, and even ones I've told the horror of my birth story to, they still ask if I'll have another. This is after have have said "not on your nelly" explicitly and more times than I care to count.

I think it's the double standards that exist - if someone has more than one child, whether it's two or twenty, people don't question it. However, when you only have one, people are always querying your decision, and making out as though you'll come to your senses one day

I've even been called cruel and selfish by a virtual stranger for not having more than one child...

Original poster

dappymoo · 12/04/2011 17:47

And you are an arse bobby gaylord.

OP posts:

Susiewho · 12/04/2011 17:49

I know the feeling. DD's nearly three and people are always asking me when I'm going to have another. I always say straight away that I don't want to have any more, but the same people still ask.

I really don't want another! I like having one. I don't envy anyone who has more than one, and would never like to be pregnant again.

I have no advice to offer though -sorry!

Original poster

dappymoo · 12/04/2011 17:49

Yes EXACTLY nowaynohow!! Well put. It's much more likely that people are selfish for wanting many too I think!

OP posts:

Original poster

dappymoo · 12/04/2011 17:50

You sound patient Susie, it is weird to be judged for this.

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simbo · 12/04/2011 17:50

You are clearly not ready. You'll know when you are - if you are! I couldn't have contemplated it till no.1 was over a year old, and then decided that I actually wanted another. 2 years was a good age gap, too. Just don't follow the pack. Do what's right for you.

Susiewho · 12/04/2011 17:54

dappymoo, I'm patient and I don't mind people presuming that I'd like more than one, but I do get annoyed when people seem to pity me.

There's no biological reason why I can't have another, but people seem to say "Aaawww" when I say that I don't want any more. They always pass me their babies to cuddle and comment on how much I'd suit having another and it's a shame that I won't be.

Very odd!

Original poster

dappymoo · 12/04/2011 18:01

Yeah I know people who can't have more and indeed I might find I can't if I choose to, I just think it must be even worse when people do it then! In this day and age I really didn't think people would be so funny!

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Bunnynamedstanely · 12/04/2011 18:08

Sadly Mitochondria, having one of each doesn't stop the questions. I have 3 year old boy /girl twins and regularly get grilled about my plans for more. When I say that we're happy with what we've got I get asked if it's because we're worried about having more twins (no we just only ever wanted 2 and happened to get them both at the same time). Alternatively they say 'well you don't need to with one of each' (no would have stopped at 2 regardless of gender). Even worse lots of friends have recently had baby no 2. I've mostly given up offering to hold new babies because then I get 'you MUST feel broody now!' and it seems so rude to say that regardless of how lovely your offspring it doesn't awake any previously hidden longings for more!

berylmuspratt · 12/04/2011 18:17

I used to get asked this all the time, DS is now 5 and I'm 41, I must look past it now as the questions have stopped :)
I used to say we aren't going to bother with more as you can't improve upon perfection !

Original poster

dappymoo · 12/04/2011 18:26

I love that phrase. Totally stealing it from you lot!

OP posts:

Firawla · 12/04/2011 19:17

fgs op i think your attitude is just as rude as the people questioning why you only have one. i really don't think people have more children simply due to "peer pressure" and being lemmings, bit of an immature analysis there.
if you don't want people to comment on your number of children then have the decency to give the same courtesy to others

K999 · 12/04/2011 19:21

Firawla. I don't think the OP meant any harm....just merely making an observation and thinking it funny (not speaking for OP but thinking this is what she meant?).

Anyway, no need to get too worked up about it.

Firawla · 12/04/2011 19:23

yeah but if she wants to make those kind of comments she can hardly complain if people make comments about her having only one either then can she! it is pretty rude you have to admit

K999 · 12/04/2011 19:29

I have to admit nothing....to admit is to incriminate...and I would never be that silly!

eversoslightlytired · 12/04/2011 21:39

I used to get this all the time after having DS nearly 4 years ago. I went into work when he was 6 weeks old and was asked when I would be having the next one! I explained that one was enough and had no desire or need to have another. The reaction I got was "oh you can't just have one". My reply "why the hell not!". I got it from everyone outside of my family. My family were quite frankly just pleased that I had the one.

However.... I now have a DD who is 5 weeks old. And no she wasn't planned lol!

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