please help a children's party virgin

[mamadoc]

DD really wants a proper party for her 4th birthday this year. Until now I've got away with sandwiches and cake with family but now she wants the full on children's party experience with her nursery friends and I am clueless as to what's expected.

I am throwing myself on the mercy of mumsnet- lend me your top tips please. Nothing is too basic.

What's the best day/ time/ duration?

How many is optimum to invite?

Home/ village hall/ some other activity?

DH takes and picks up DD from nursery so I don't actually know any of the other parents or their kids. How's best to invite? Ask nursery to help give out invites or is that cheeky?

Any tips on food/ activities/ games greatly appreciated.

Will parents stay or will I need to ask them to? What about siblings should they be invited?

What is present etiquette? Open at party or keep for later?

Will anyone actually come????

Any help gratefully received.

For a 4th birthday parents will stay, once children are in Reception most parents leave the kids.

timing depends on when they are at nursery - 12-2 or 3-5?

how many kids can you cope with? 10? 20?

home is cheapest

parents won't stay unless you ask and then you may get siblings too

we open gifts later

For DSs 4th birthday we had 8 of his friends to our house.

I don't think 4 year olds can cope with more than that and they are too little to do too many organised games etc (some of them will presumably still only be 3.5).

My niece did face painting when they all arrived (She's 17 not 6!). Another party I went to had all the children decorating plastic cups with stickers when they arrived, just to keep them occupied until all the guests were there.

I did a pirate treasure hunt in the garden. I actually bought one from a company called Lello and Monkey but you could easily make your own.

They played in the garden

We had pass the parcel.

The played in the garden some more.

There was another game but I can't remember what it was. Musical bumps maybe.

I bought some pirate treasure chest picnic boxes for them for lunch and they all ate these on a big rug outside. No mess, no fuss and, if they don't destroy them, they can double up as party bags at the end .

Now DS1 is in reception, parties seem to be more professional and more organied. All soft play centres or village hall.

If I were you I would make the most of being able to have a few friends at home!

DD is in nursery 3 days a week till 4pm so I guess I was thinking weekend Sat or Sun. 3-5pm sounds good.

Hoping for 10 more than 20 (don't think we know 20 children to invite)

I think I would like parents to stay and wouldn't mind if that meant some sibs but would need to know numbers.

Thanks for all those ideas.

Craft activity at the start sounds a good idea. Some just free play is OK then not everything organised?

Will they all start crying if they lose at games (I know DD might she is a very sore loser!)

Do pass the parcel, everyone's a winner!

Not at DDs parties missorinoco. The only winner is the one who gets to the inside of the parcel [hard] face.

Four friends at 4, three friends at 3 etc. works well and they don't get over excited/trash your house!

Invitation etiquette - ask nursery what is normal - but generally IME they will give them out (and may well supply you with list so that you are not reliant on DD for names) If you want answers (which you presumably do), put as many contact points as humanly possible on the invitation - email, mobile, home phone. I am scrupulous about replying as I really really hate it when people don't reply to our invitations, but one for DD with only a home 'phone number on it sat on the side for days waiting for me to remember at some sort of sociable time - with a mobile number (to text) or email I can do it whenever.

Some people will still not reply. A quick search of previous threads will reveal that there are people in the world who consider it entirely reasonable not to reply. Some of them think that no reply = DC is coming, others that no reply = DC isn't coming .

I find that 11.30 - 2 works well. It means you serve food at the kids lunch time, so they are hungry and more likely to eat. I have been to many parties when the kids get served food in the middle of the afternoon when they are not hungry and loads is wasted. I also never put any sweets, treats or chocolate out until all the kids don't want more savoury stuff.

I never do party bags - I always go to a cheap supermarket and get a cheap single gift, most recently hula hoops, happy kids and no faffing about with rubbish bits in bags. Other mums I know have done helium balloons or a book.

Pass the parcel, musical bumps and statues.... they are young enough that they enjoy the simple things. It is when they start school it get difficult!!!

My DD nursery give out the invites and will also give a list of the children.

I always do some parent nibbles too - nachos, pate and a cheese board. Means they can eat on the go with no plate. Never any left either!

Good luck - remember to have a big glass of wine at the end.

kreecher that is harsh

So the plan thus far is:
Sat 3-5pm at our place 4-8 children
ask parents to stay and accept sibs might need to come too.
craft activity, treasure hunt, pass the parcel, free play in between
keep the presents until after

Now when does food happen? In the middle or at the end? What's good?
Are party bags expected?
Can anyone help me on this invites business? Ask nursery to give out or better try to do it myself?
Should I over invite in case no-one comes?

Bother. I cannot get the hang of the new '*'s which do multiple words

Games and losing - TBH, apart from pass the parcel (sweet in every layer, 1 prize in the middle), "winnng" is not really something 4yos get. Don't assume that they know how to play "old-fashioned" party games - I did, and most of them had no idea! If you can teach them musical bumps/statues/whatever then those who have been knocked out rarely stay out, IYSWIM, so I tended to end up playing until everyone was bored.

Craft activities good. Colouring sheets and pile of crayons ditto. OTOH, If the weather is on your side and you have a garden, just chuck them all out with all the garden toys you have and leave them to it.

x-posted thank you stealth and mayhem

I will ask nursery including who she plays with (I'll have to because she definitely doesn't know their surnames and who knows how many Jacks there are!)

phone/ mobile/ email for RSVP and if they don't reply I guess overcatering will be less embarrassing than the other way around.

I am liking single present rather than party bags. DD certainly has enough small plastic tat bits in her life and I would imagine others feel similarly.

Never thought of parent food but that can be arranged.

a variant on musical statues/bumps, is to have a load of prizes (eg a medal or a small chocolate/bag haribo etc) and just announce that 'jack wins a medal for terrific dancing' then a minute later announce 'katy gets a medal for her energetic wiggles'. keep going till everyone has a medal. kids at age 4 like winning prizes VERY MUCH and don't understand it's about being better and only one person should get a prize. they just see their mate with stuff they want. so give everyone a prize,and everyone is happy!

and serve pombears to the parents to see which mums laugh!

DD went to a fab 4th birthday last week. At home. About 10 kids. 12.30 - 2.30.

There was colouring, face painting and pass the parcel. Apart from that it was free play and running around with balloons while the mums drank tea - bliss!

Ok I'm getting the message that less is more here.
Thanks for all the tips- I'm feeling better about this all the time.
Off to get lunch now but will check back later.

on food - my personal preference is food towards the end - so free play, then a couple of games, then tea, then free play, then home.

I do party bags, but only because I like doing them [self-indulgent]. Some of the best parties my DC have been to have had a single present (cheap football, skipping rope, etc) as a going-home present - or indeed no going-home present at all, or a piece of cake and a balloon. Whether they are "expected" in your DD's social circle is something you will only learn over time, I am afraid.

We had a great party for 4yo ds1 - 25 kids but despite my fears it went like clockwork. Best best tip ever from my friend was to put the kids' food in cardboard cartons so they have one each - we put in a dinosaur-shaped sarnie, crisps, breadsticks, raisins, biscuit/cake, carton of juice, grapes. So much easier than putting things on plates in the middle of the table then everyone dancing around trying to sort out their children's food or kids clambering over each other to get what they want. We had spare cartons of juice in case anyone wanted apple/orange/whatever they didn't have. I worried about fussier ones not liking what we'd put in their boxes, but tbh nobody seemed to care and it's not like you expect parties to provide their 5-a-day .

In terms of order, we had craft tables set up for when they came in at 3pm (making masks) then some games, tea at 4pm, then they pretty much entertained themselves running around (we had a slide and a couple of those fabric tunnels to clamber through).

Best game was the one where you have teams racing to wrap up volunteers in loo paper.

Musical statues - instead of people being 'out' we gave sweets to 'the best statue' each round - no tantrums!

Kreacher, my DH would love you! Nearly 4 y.o DS would be less keen on your pass the parcel idea.

Party boxes here

Agree with these versions of musical statues and bumps - no young child wants to be out and sit at the side watching the others. On a more practical note, it is hard to make those who are 'out', stay 'out'!

So musical bumps I give a sticker or haribo type sweet to the 'first' to sit down each time. No one out at all and lots get a chance to 'win'. Musical statues: I announce that they have to make a particular sort of 'statue' when the music stops - smallest, spikiest, tallest, ugliest etc and then pick maybe 2 children each time as the 'best' statue and reward with sticker or haribo.

Stickers are a good call.

I did one party where they all got sweets in every game and they all ended up with far too many sweets.

A box of freddo frogs from Costco is a staple for party season for us (they go in pass the parcel, and in party bags, and are occasionally used as prizes as well).

Putting food on plates in advance is an excellent idea - we went to a party for 3 year olds recently where this worked really well as nobody was squabbling over the last sausage. It also means if you have any special dietary requirements you can easily manage that (e.g. we're having a 3yo party on Saturday and best friend's son is coeliac so I can make sure he gets his special sandwiches on the right plate)

A great craft activity is wands - for fairies or wizards.

You need:

Sturdy straight sticks from garden.

Tinfoil (for wrapping wands in)

A cut out heart/something boyish) to glue to top of wand and some ribbon to twizzle around stick.

They can have their name written on cut out heart bit to take home.

Agree with everything you are doing so far mamadoc.

We only ever had fairly small parties at home with around 8 friends.

Personally I wouldn't bother worrying about parents food if it a mid afternoon party, just sandwiches, crisps, grapes, little fairy cakes and squash for the children and tea for grown-ups. Would aim to have an hour or so of games/activities, then tea at about 4pm followed by free play or another game or two.

Never invited siblings - if they had to attend, then they didn't get to sit at the party table as there wasn't room and they didn't get party bags.

We preferred to try and keep children as busy as possible and tended to organise quite few games for them.