How do you discipline your 2 year old?

[banana87]

Just wondering as one of my friends does it very differently to all the others.

DD is 2 and if she is naughty I tell her off in a firm voice (not shouting). Seldom she will continue and then go on the naughty step for 2 minutes.

Said friend prefers to 'talk calmly' to her 2 year old, and therefore does not change her tone of voice at all, and does not believe in the naughty step. Her DD can hit, push, and take toys off my DD and just gets told 'no, that's not nice'.

Two totally different approaches, and her DD seems to be out of control (of course I can't tell her this).

How do you discipline and does it work?

I've worked in childcare for 12yrs now and have an 8yr old DS of my own. There are so many differing views on how to discipline your children. Your friend is obviously on the understanding that shouting or being firm has a depremental effect on a child. These children tend to end up being spoilt little brats with no regard for others. They will get a shock to the system when they get to school. In all my nanny posts I've had to deal with naughty children and have found the best form of discipline is the one that you are doing already. Continuing with what you are doing is great and you'll soon find that you will use the step less and less. If you have a younger child who is too young for naughty steo then a firm "no" and remove them from the situation.

I'm with you on using the naughty step. DD2 (2.3) will occasionally take herself there when she know she's deserved it (mostly squabbles with DS1 which degenerate into violence, sigh....) But when everyone has calmed down, we go with the sweet reasonableness and "We don't hit in this family" or some such.
I try not to shout too often.......

I don't use the naughty step with DS. Only time when I do anything remotely similar is if he's having a monster tantrum and really being destructive e.g. smashing hands into food or trying to pull everything off the desk then I move him to the sofa/bed/somewhere soft and safe to calm down. But I usually stay with him unless I'm busy cleaning up the mess he's just made or I feel like I'm winding him up more being there.

It seems to work for us. I've always used please and thank you and sorry when talking to him and 99% of the time he says please, thank you, you're welcome - sorry isn't all of the time but when he does say it it's really heartfelt, you can tell he means it, not just something you say to get out of trouble. He always says sorry if he e.g. accidentally bumps into someone.

He usually listens to what I say and does as I ask. Of course he doesn't every time - he's 2. But I don't expect him to every time and I wouldn't punish him for this.

Hitting and pushing he has never really done with other children - he has done with me and I do tell him "No that's not nice" but also "Gentle hands" and show him how to be gentle. If he ever hit with a toy the toy was taken away. If he's about to launch in on a toy another child is playing with I tell him he has to wait his turn. I think turn taking is a lot easier for toddlers to understand than sharing - he doesn't like it when someone takes part of something he is playing with though, which can cause problems e.g. at toddler group he will start playing with all the trains and then another child comes along and uses one and he gets annoyed and possessive over it, he can't understand that at all, though if I ask him to give one train to X then he will happily do so. I don't make a big deal over it, he'll work it out as he gets bigger.

If my 2.3 ds won't do what I ask (like come for a nappy change) I threaten to take a toy away - I count to 5 and usually thats enough to get him to the bathroom. If not toy goes in cupboard at 5.

If we are out shopping and he misbehaves (screaming/crying) I will leave shopping and take him home immediately. He doesn't do this too often - usually the threat to leave is enough and also am flexible in that if he wants to walk a bit or help push the trolley I'll go with that rather than tempt a tantrum.

Hitting/ kicking/ biting is time out and an apology or straight home if we're out and especially if it is aimed at another toddler. Luckily we seem to be past the worst of this (fingers crossed...)

How all this will work with a newborn in tow is anybody's guess...

I use a very low, firm but quiet voice to give directions and warnings. I give a warning about behaviour and if its repeated we have time out which is basically the same as naughty step. She really hates it and the warning is usually enough.
Each to their own though I guess, its hard when other parents seem to handle it very differently but then they'll be thinking the same too.

oh yes I should add tonnes of praise during the day - noticing the good behaviour and telling him, cuddles all that stuff and nice treats for the good times!

stottie - yes, i do the same, taking the time to say 'aren't you holding my hand well' etc etc all the time really seems to pay off. She LOVES being told she is doing something well.

DS helps me count to three as well, with a big smile on his face I use that for things like "You have until 3 to do X or I do it for you."

Mostly I find that showing him what I do want him to do works better than focusing on what I don't want him to do. And trying to work out why he's doing things helps. Usually tiredness, hunger or frustration don't help.

Well at least it gets done Leonie

Does she sleep?

That sounds tough :(

everythingchangeseverything, what methods do you use?
i use a kind of time out, not the exact supernanny naughty step as i feel that is excessively confrontational with the way you have to make them stay for 2 exact timed minutes and keep putting them back, but i use time out in the coridoor of our flat i just put 2 yr old there until he calms down, if he persistantly misbehaves in something like keep throwing things. but i dont like it because he has said to me that it makes him sad if he has to go in the coridoor so obviously thats not nice to hear...
but i do that & for lesser things just tell him a firm voice, sometimes use the counting to 5, praising good behaviour, distraction - everything really. also always get him to say sorry if he hurts someone or has done something wrong to someone
but i feel you do need a strong enough consequence for very bad behaviour (not to overuse but when necessary) so if not a time out type thing then what? it's hard to know sometimes...

My DD (2.4) actually asks me to count if she knows she's being a little devil...I've never done it with her (and refuse on principle now she asks!) so she must have got if from nursery.

I just tell her in a loud voice, "No" or "Stop" and I use the sign as well. Then I ask her to calm down, look at me and listen, then explain why that behaviour is undesirable (e.g. "If you hit Mummy it makes me sore and sad"). She gets 3 warnings of what will happen if she doesn't stop (e.g. "you will have to sit on the chair with me until you can be good" or "if you don't calm down, Mummy will go in the kitchen and do jobs instead") & if she still carries on, I do whatever I'd 'threatened'.

And I praise her for good behaviour (when I remember, lol!)

I try to do more positive encouragement and praise than negative scolding for my 2.2 yrd old DD. But I also do a quiet warning followed by 2 minutes at the naughty wall if she ignores my first warning and hasn't done the right thing by the time I count to 3.

Oh and I use a naughty wall rather than a step because you can find a wall anywhere.

I would love to hear from people who think using a firm tone of voice with their 2 year old is detrimental.

Well I do think shouting is detrimental. When I forget or am stressed and shout a lot I notice that DS gets extremely rude in the way he speaks to me. DRINK MUMMY NOW!!!!! etc. I got really annoyed with this until one day I said SHOES, DS, NOW!! and he said "Mummy don't shout!" and I realised I was speaking to him exactly the way I didn't want him to speak to me. I apologised for shouting that time and I've noticed when I try to keep a handle on it he seems to shout less and speak more nicely as well. This morning he started shouting about something, probably "DOWN DAIRS!! CEEEWUL!!!" and then he suddenly realised what he was doing and said "Sowwy mummy, not shout. Ceewul? Downdairs?"

It's maddening sometimes when I want to shout and I have to try really hard not to, but shouting doesn't really help anyway - it doesn't make him any more likely to do what I want him to. He's a lot more co-operative when I don't bark orders at him constantly.

Sounds like your friend has just got some messages mixed up though. You can be firm without being confrontational.

I bend down towards her, lower the tone of my voice, and as calmly and firmly as I can I say, "No" or "I'm not very happy with that" or "You can't do that". No explanations as I think DD is too young for them (although she understands any behaviour that can cause her pain - so I explain that eg "No, do not touch the cooker, you will hurt yourself!"). Then I walk away. Works so far.