How do you discipline your 2 year old?

[banana87]

Just wondering as one of my friends does it very differently to all the others.

DD is 2 and if she is naughty I tell her off in a firm voice (not shouting). Seldom she will continue and then go on the naughty step for 2 minutes.

Said friend prefers to 'talk calmly' to her 2 year old, and therefore does not change her tone of voice at all, and does not believe in the naughty step. Her DD can hit, push, and take toys off my DD and just gets told 'no, that's not nice'.

Two totally different approaches, and her DD seems to be out of control (of course I can't tell her this).

How do you discipline and does it work?

Oh yes and I praise good behaviour all the time and, so far, she likes pleasing me so that works.

i used to use time out (very calm, no raised voice, simple explination, short time out, lots of praise for good behaviour) and it worked very well but now inspired by a book called playful parenting (by cohen) prefer a different more positive fun approach.

BertieBotts, I agree. The couple of times I've lost it with DD and really yelled at her, she just yelled back. Which is fair enough, really. It can't be do as I say not do as I do.

everythingchanges - I have to say that article made my blood boil! Before I get flamed, I'd like to say this is my opinion, and I'm not disagreeing with other people's parenting styles.

The article says that using the naughty corner is basically a form of love withdrawal. I think that if anyone, child or not, does something that warrants sitting on their own to calm down then it can only do good. Of course I don't mean that an overly playful or loud 2yr old should have to be locked in a room on their own, but if a child has, after 3 warnings, not listened to a clear firm instruction (eg don't hit) then they should be shown that this is not acceptable behaviour. A naughty corner isn't about not loving a child, its about saying other people don't like being hit, and therefore you can't continue that behaviour. Better than shouting in my opinion.

What do other people think about the article? Am I being OTT? I can only commenet on one tiny line in the article cos I'd be here for ages ranting otherwise!!!

(Takes a deep breath and closes said article...!)

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I used to work with 5-13 year olds in a play setting and we used a 'chill-out chair'. I don't think it worked at all with the younger children but with the older ones (I would say 10+) it seemed to work. I would always stay calm and say something like "sit down here and calm down a bit and then we'll talk about X" which IME worked a lot better than "you've broken the rules, sit here for 10 mins as punishment".

I think it's completely pointless to use this method with a toddler though. My DD is 2.4 and I prefer to pre-empt tantrums which is usually quite easy and if she is doing something I don't want her to then I either remove the object, distract her or say "You mustn't do X, please do Y instead" depending on the situation.

I use a firm tone of voice with Ds2 who's 2.5, but not the naughty step. I find if I get down to his level, look him in the eye and explain to him briefly but firmly why what he has done is unacceptable, that is generally enough.

I don't use the naughty step, not because I'm hugely offended by it, but a firm tone of voice usually does the trick or if not I remove him from the situation, tell him why I've removed him, then change the subject and move on.

I've not convinced that the naughty step works with 2 year olds. I don't think that they have the joined up thinking to equate sitting in the corner with whacking their brother, for example.

I hear so many people threatening kids with the naughty step, but so few following it through effectively, I think it's become massively over-used and over-rated.

House - I haven't looked at the article but if it's the one I'm thinking of, it's basically talking about respectful/non confrontational discipline but in a not particularly helpful way. No point criticising a method if you're not offering alternatives.

You said that it's about "Saying other people don't like being hit, and therefore you can't continue that behaviour." - I don't see why you can't just say this, if the child understands, then no need for a naughty step. If they don't then I suppose that's different. But generally if you can get a child to see why they shouldn't do something and/or what they should do instead in that situation, then adding an arbitrary punishment on like naughty step or whatever is an unnecessary step.

Maybe your friend thinks she is using a firm tone of voice? Maybe she thinks you sound aggressive? I am often at the tone of voice I hear people using with little children, but they probably think I am too soft.

I think two year olds are very difficult to discipline - especially if they are difficult two year olds. They are too young for time out and don't really understand consequences. I sometimes threaten my two year old with being sent out of the room if she is really being impossible - but I wouldn't want to do it for more than 10 seconds as she is so clingy that it would make her hysterical. Usually there are other ways to deal with the situation. If she is touching something she shouldn't I take it away or move her somewhere. If she is hassling her brother, I ask him to take his game somewhere where she can't bother him. I'm lucky that she is well behaved with other little children.

I found that my once ds (who was really impossible) reached three I could threaten him with consequences and use 1,2,3 magic to good effect. There was no point beforehand - he just didn't respond to anything.

Trying We had this discussion and she has said she doesn't want to use a different tone of voice, she wants to 'calmly' discuss with her when she does something wrong.

DD sure does understand consequences. If I say "if you do that one more time you are going on the naughty step" she damn well doesn't do it because she has in the past and knows what will happen. Luckily she is very clingy so the naughty step is quite punishing.

Leonie Do you have any support? You sound like you need some :(

Discussing calmly can work though in the right situation. When DS is in one of his hyperactive let's fling everything around and generally be mad moods, there's no way it would work, but then, neither does anything else. You just have to wait for him to calm down (and get out of the way! ) - but at other times if I speak to him in a calm way he does listen and he says things back to me which mean I know he has understood. And then he does think about it, most of the time, but if he's really wound up and excited then he usually forgets.

It probably doesn't work in every situation. But generally I find that a non confrontational approach works well with DS.

It depends on the child. DD does have some understanding of consequences but DS not at all at two.

donkir children are NOT naughty their behaviour is!! I hate the word naughty and personnally I feel that the average 2 year old should never need the naughty step..

I have never used it personally or professionally but that is just me :)

We do use the naughty step a little with ours but mainly we use reward charts. We have one for my DD who is 17 months (my big star chart from encourageadpraise.co.uk) and one for my DS who is just 4 (my growing up chart from the same company). The one for my little one focuses on things like sharing, eating well, sleeping well etc and the one for my DS focuses more on his behaviour. They both have set stickers (ie potty training, sharing etc...) but they also have blank stickers so we have taileored some of them to things like 'doing what you've been asked to do' and 'being kind to your sister. At the end of each day we have 'sticker time' where they both get the stickers they've earnt during the day and these build up to earn rewards like a day out, soft play centre, extra TV, chocolate, new book/toy etc...They both seem to be responding really well to it and I seem to raise my voice less and less, they are disappointed if they don't get as many stickers as they would like at the end of the day. Worth a try :)

Leonie is your DD 2? I am surprised that she has been diagnosed as autistic already?

I'm not...good job if you did manage to get a diagnosis! Leonie are you running an ABA programme for her?

I hope the early diagnosis helps you with the right support.