What surprised you most about motherhood? (Good and bad)

[Saffra]

Tell me what surprised/shocked you the most when you first entered motherhood?

I'm pregnant with my first and want to prepare myself for what lies ahead - good and bad!

It doesn't stop. Not at night, not when you are on holiday, not when you are ill, not when you want a break, not when the child is 18 or 80.

I agree with TheProvincialLady.

I had DD at 41 and I found the change in lifestyle really difficult. I had got used to being quite selfish and being able to do what I wanted when I wanted for most of my adult life. Having a tiny baby dependent on you for every single thing takes a lot of adjusting to. I also found the lack of sleep very hard.

On the positive side, I wasn't prepared for the overwhelming love I felt for my daughter. A mother's love is indescribable, but she means the world to me. I find it so hard to understand why some mothers can neglect their children (PND excepted).

I was going to say exactly what TheProvincialLady said, word for word :) I am sitting here with my eyelids closing, I would saw off limbs to be able to curl up and go to sleep now, but DD is sitting on my knee chatting and I can't. It's a 24hr/365 day job.

That the tiny fragile creature is largely my responsibility, and that you can't move back into the maternity ward, no matter how incompetant you feel.

I would agree, the change in lifestyle is huge. It's partly that there is never a break (unless you can get someone else to have them for a while and you go out. It's also the lack of spontaneity, especially in the early years. You can't just say "I'll go out" and go. You have to make sure that you either have someone else to look after your dc, or get them all ready, wrapped up etc (and then discover they have done a poo just as you are about to leave the house).

I just wasn't prepared for the mind-numbing monotony of the early part. It's all feed, change, feed, change with a bit of trying to get domestic stuff done in between.

However, once they get older, it becomes much more interesting. My ds is 10, and I know so much about so many things I never thought I'd be interested in. He is great fun, and I couldn't be without him.

What the others said!

But also, how much wonder I would find in such small things.

Like watching as my daughter learns to negotiate the world, the things that make her eyes light up, that make her laugh.

Just seeing her enjoy eating something or crawling toward me with a face alight with enthusiasm.

The first time she saw motes of dust sparkling in a ray of sunshine was a magical moment.

And there have been many more besides.

Yes, it's relentless and yes, you really experience emotional highs and lows like you could never imagine.

But it's an extraordinary experience.

Good luck!

I cant remember, it was so long ago. . .neARLY 23 YRS TBH.

I do remember sitting with little first baby on my lap, and thinking, , , "God, I love him so so much", , ,
Also, I think , i guess, the shock of giving birth, when the baby finally came out and was born.

Also, sad to say i found my Ex DH to be a useful piece of S.H. 1T. . . with his own child.

An odd one which sounds incredibly selfish but at the time it was very noticeable.

Although I don't crave attention and didn't like some of the attention I got when I was pregnant, including the million questions and people's own recollections of pregnancy, I guess after several months of being treated as a special package it was a bit of a shock to be instantly second fiddle to the tiny human I produced.

A shock I got over very quickly, I hasten to add. Mostly by looking at my beautiful baby boy and realising how much I loved him. :)

The huge, overwhelming love I feel for my DD can never fully be described to a non-parent. You can't convey how much they mean to you in words.

But yes, the loss of self is definiely the hardest bit. You are always on a little person's timetable and a quick five minute sit down with a cup of tea seems to be out of the question! I definitely struggle with that.

It is getting easier now DD is two as she will play independently for a while (in the same room as me) but I am pregnant again so it will all be starting again.

It impacts on your relationship as well. But, when my DD puts her arms around my neck and tells me she loves me it is all worthwhile.

Mostly

Isnt it funny, we love them so much and yet they can break our hearts and be total terrors !
I have gone thro the teen terror from hell stage with my DD who is now 20 . You love them and even proud of them (??) but they can be such total little bitches. (Sorry )

While i was pregnant my mil and sil (both have 3 kids) were wonderful, taking me out for lunch and shopping trips, phoning me and jsut being there. I had fallen out with my mum and had no close friends with babies. However, i do wish that they hadn't left me to find out by myself that bf takes weeks and lots of pain to do, they didn't tell me at times i would be soooo tired that i wld fall asleep in the shower (if i actually got in there). Honestly the 1st few weeks will test your sanity but wait till your dd or ds is a little person. My DD is ten months and adores me - she shrieks and kicks and smiles whenever i come into the room and makes everything wonderful xxxx

ha ha BluddyMo
Yes, in all honesty its a magical moment holding your new babe in your arms.

There isn't always a rush of love. Sometimes it grows over time.

Having kids will make you vulnerable in a way you've never been before because what hurts them (even the thought of it) will hurt you more. You really will love them so much it hurts, like your chest isn't big enough to keep it all in.

Your children will be the most beautiful creatures you've ever seen. :)

i was surprised that whenever mine were ill i would get a worry diahorea

how sleep deprivation, night in, night out, is so dehabilitating.

how painful breastfeeding can be, but how amazing it feels when it goes right.

how much a baby can cry and no matter whether you've ticked all of the nappy/hungry/tired boxes, they still cry.

how frequently a newborn can poo.

the overwhelming urge to protect, even against a 3 year old, pushing past your little angel ;)

the constant guilt. if it isn't one thing, it's another.

but they're worth it all

ds was breastfed, he was on and off once from 7pm to 1am and it was perfectly normal I was told, but pleased I did it anyway.

That a baby came out!

Spent most of pregnancy being bloody anxious & worried, that I was utterly astonished that there was a baby at the end of it.

Utter mental boredom.

I wasn't expecting the monotony of it.

No-one warned me.

I know that sounds stupid but I just couldn't fathom what the hell had happened to the real Ooopsadaisy.

They are teens now and I enjoy motherhood more, the older they get. I am probably a bit odd.

It is really like having your heart outside your body. All their hurts are such wounds for you. You cannot believe the empathy that you have. It is a totally new feeling, very special and yet terrifying.

Worst thing is having your headspace totally filled with things that are so mind numbing dull you want to weep with the mundanity...another dinner, more nappies, school shoes, school applications, endless birthdays to host and go to....it is truly endless.

I was surprised that I wanted to get up and see to my baby when he cried in the night. I breastfed so I had to get up but had I bottlefed I would have wanted to do that myself as well - if DH had done it I think I would have lain awake and watched to make sure he did it right.

When the night feeds stopped I was genuinely sad. I missed those 4am feeds when it was just me and the baby.

I didn't feel too deprived at not going out (or not very often anyway). I didn't want to go out and leave my baby with someone else.