What surprised you most about motherhood? (Good and bad)

[Saffra]

Tell me what surprised/shocked you the most when you first entered motherhood?

I'm pregnant with my first and want to prepare myself for what lies ahead - good and bad!

that after the (admittedly unusually horrific) birth I felt like I had been hit by a train

how MUCH I feel for them - scary

how much they make me laugh and how much of my day-to-day consciousness is taken up with thinking about them

how angry I would be on their behalf about really quite little things

what an amazing father dh is

i agree with wot everyone has sed

i cant believe how much i love and want to protect DD, but also the guilt u feel even if u have done nothing wrong, i remember the first time i hadnt reaslised DD had pood but didnt know y she was crying after about 20 mins i realised and felt so bad i cried and got in a rite state, i was very sleep deprived tho lol

then there is the lonliness i never realised how going from full time worker to stay at home mum cud become so lonely, babies r lovely but not the best company i craved adult conversation

how u will be over joyed and find great happiness in wot non parents will never understand, for example the first time DD ate all her dinner by herself with a fork or weed on the potty, first walked, first word, magical moments that will melt your heart

as someone else sed tho it does effect your relationship and u have wonderful highs and really terrible lows

The amount of laundry!

TBH what surprises me is how much I enjoy looking after my DS who's now 6 weeks. I've always wanted kids and have never been bothered about my career but I did wonder how I would feel when it actually happened as often when you get what you want it's not what you expected. But it is what I expected and I love it :) I have been a bit worn out at times but I've not got sick of it yet. I'm sure in a few months I'll be feeling a bit less enthusiastic but I look at other mums who complain quite a lot and say how hard it is and I wonder why. DS is an easy baby, so I know I'm very lucky on that front but he doesn't sleep well at night and still I feel a surge of excitement in the morning when he wakes and looks in my eyes. I couldn't give a toss about my previous life because it seems empty in comparison to the life I have now :) I know all that sounds incredibly sick making and smug but I wanted to let you know that even in the first few weeks it doesn't have to be all drudge and dreariness, it can be great too.

Oh and another thing that surprised me is what a natural my DH is. He's never had any experience of babies and yet he is so calm and able with DS and I really admire how well he looks after him :)

That you won't have enough pegs.

that there is not just a relationship between you and your children, but a relationship between your children.

Impressive to watch, impossible to comprehend, and valuable beyond all measure.

The love. Oh and the sleep deprivation.

YY to it doesn't ever stop

I always think that since DD came into mine and DHs lives 19 months ago, our house has never heard so much crying. However, its outnumbered by a million by the sheer amount of laughter that came along, too.

DH and sometimes share smug conversations that we and only we have discovered the meaning of life: everything that has ever happened before from the Big Bang and beyond has led to our daughter being born and that is amazing.

A lot of the time its general monotony of daily life. I work part time at the start of the week and often Monday and Tuesday feel like days off to me, as does Wednesday morning. But when I pick DD up after lunch on Wednesday everything is about shopping, laundry, washing up, preparing meals, tidying up blah blah blah. That feels like my real job. But although I don't get paid for it the perks are great. Watching DD grow and learn has been an honour and a priviledge and I wouldn't have missed it, even when she's throwing a hissy fit because I'm trying to dress her like this morning

But to be honest, you can read every word on this thread and it won't make a difference. Your experience will be completely unique to you and you really can't be prepared for it. You'll know what I mean when you get there!
But enjoy the wonderful times and remember that the less good times won't last forever.

Funny I was just thinking whilst putting DS1 to bed that the thing that surprised me most is the lack of personal space - that certainly gets some getting used to.

The DC just climb on me whenever they feel like it, when they come into our bedroom at silly o'clock in the morning full of energy and start bouncing on us when it would be nice to wake up in a gentle manner etc.

Also, the relentlessness of the early mornings - mine are (and always have been) excellent sleepers but they are up at about 6.30 most mornings..so weekends/weekdays all start to merge as every day becomes the same. That was even harder when I went back to work both times as you can't even look forward to the weekend for a lie-in anymore.

But, to echo what others have said, the absolute love you feel for them is just lovely (but, yes it may not happen straight away but it will happen). I always sometimes invade my DC's personal space just because I need to give them a kiss and cuddle

the bone drenching utter utter desperate debilitating deathly all consuming exhaustion that stays with you making every single minute of every single day and night drag for hours and hours.

The way that you would look at a public toilet floor and consider actually lying down for "just a minute" to close your eyes, such is your desperate need for even 10 minutes sleep.

The fact that i would feel so utterly let down by people around me who knew how desperately exhausted i was, and did not ask/offer/care about relieving me for even one hour.

The way that everything was turned on its head, how even an advert on tv could turn me into a sobbing snotty mess with actual pain in my heart when i see a amall child who is upset over something!!

someone on here told me when i was expecting ds that

"becoming a mother was like that scene in the Wizard of Oz, you know the one, where Dorothy steps out of the black and white and into the colour"
So, no matter how good you think your life was before your baby came along, it will burst into life when your lo arrives.

How much it would change my relationship with DH - it really was like a bomb going off in our marriage.

We are growing closer again now but I don't think it will ever be the same as it was

you become a hostage to fortune

That you don't get a break - even when someone else is looking after them, you're still on call. You're always interruptible. I spend quite a lot of time insanely jealous that (working) DH gets the commutes to and from work, and his lunch hour, and often an hour after he gets in from work, all to himself, to do with what he pleases (except for the commute, but he does get to listen to what he wants rather than crapola kids' tapes again ).

How boring babies are

How desperate I would be to go back to work - always assumed I'd be a SAHM, could think of nothing better, but love love my part-time work - it's my break

I wasn't expecting the big gap between my head and my instincts when DC was tiny. I was one of those mums who doesn't get the immediate rush of love and in my head I knew baby DC was odd-looking and I was bored a lot of the time but my instincts telling me to cuddle and look after her were incredibly powerful. Hard to describe but very odd to experience.

That I would end up breastfeeding a toddler.

While I was pregnant, I read two things on MN that have really stuck with me - one was that it's like opening a door that you can never ever close; the other was a poster saying she didn't really bother being friends with non-parents, which offended me at the time but I can kind of understand it now. I have definitely gone over to the side of the smug parents and there's a gulf between me and my childless pre-DC friends that I'm not even bothered about trying to bridge.

I wasn't ready for always being accompanied to the toilet. Although v sweet to be cheered on when DD was potty training

Finding that holidays now mean doing what you do at home but with only half of the stuff that you now need.

How getting out of the house becomes a military operation.

How the wonderful moments generally cancel out the monotonous humdrum stuff that surrounds children.

motherhood is challenging....

i have lost friends, it didn't happen immediately but it was inevitable with me...BUT you make lots of new ones when the baby is little if you go to baby groups etc. its this huge relief that all new mums will probably have expereinced and can empathise EVERY SINGLE thing you say about your baby [:)]

at times you will become intensely frustrated, more than work/life has ever made you before. this has happened to me trying to arrange childcare so i can have driving lessons.

you will mourn your pre baby life/body/finances/relationship (delete as applicable). maybe just a tiny bit. maybe a huge amount (me)

'me time' becomes really important. i could go months without a night out etc but if i don't get an evening in peace once in a while i really struggle

lastly i have gone from being quite relaxed to TOTAL CONTROL FREAK......but actually having dd has made me get my shit together. i'm more productive and organised than i have ever been!

Forgot to add - how staggeringly beautiful DC is when asleep :) And although I didn't get the rush of love thing, I am amazed how much I love her now, despite not generally being very good at loving people.

That I could function - and in fact feel normal - on two hours sleep, even after months of broken nights.

I was very surprised at how your life becomes almost public property when pregnant - everyone is so interested in the bump, asking about it etc.

When you have the baby people still treat you like public property - people are constantly giving advice, giving tips, telling you what to do with the LO's feeding, sleeping, playing etc.

However, if you have the strength to tell them to bog off (even if you do it in your head only) then having a baby can really be a huge boost to your self-esteem.

Since having DS a year ago I feel almost a new-found love for myself and a pride in what I've done, what a beautiful boy DH and I have created and I feel so bursting with love for him :)

would echo a lot of this: sleep deprivation (you never get it back, and yes, it does show in your face), never goes away, loss of spontaneity etc etc. I find the need to provide the domestic support hard (washing, cleaning, bloody cooking - relentless, every day, without fail).

The fact that everything you want to do (even work stuff) involves a set of negotiations (I have a wonderful DP, it's not about that), give and take, constant worry about whether I take DP for granted, whether she gets enough time/space, while I try to balance full-time job with being more than part-time mum.

OTOH: DD's smile when I pick her up from nursery; her funny little quirks as she learns her way around words and the world ('I might get a sled', was today's contribution :) she's 2); my pleasure in what she learns day by day; my curiosity about who she is going to be. I'm also much more chilled about things - although also more stressed in a day to day way, if that makes any sense.

Not mad about the baby bit and it seemed to go on for bloody ever...

What the others have said.

But, also, that I seemed to be ok at it despite being a selfish, lazy person before.

mothers guilt................is the most painful debilitating thing, but when you get a hug like i got when my little girl came out of school today...........its the hardest but the bestest job in the world, enjoy every minute when they are little, it goes so fast.

the tiredness, OMG the tiredness... it's like jetlag (but I do have a 3 year old and a 7 month old who doesn't sleep...)

The fact that your body will never be the same again. I used to think the 'pencil test' for saggy boobs was a bit of a joke. Now I could probably hold an entire pencil case under my left boob! (right one still bizarrely perky though)

Oh but yes it is also fulfilling, life-affirming, blah blah blah...