What makes a good mother?

[JustineMumsnet]

Hi all,
I've been asked to write the intro to a special motherhood issue for a mag including a portfolio of Modern Motherhood comprising women in who have had: children in their teens, in their 40s, have adopted, had IVF, are co-parenting with their ex, and so on - to show the all-embracing range of motherhood today.

Just wondered if I could pick your "brians" on what you think the qualities of a good mother are and whether what you need to be a good mother has changed with our generation compared to our mothers?

Would love to know your thoughts. Tia.

'brians' .

patience.
humour
thick skin
ability to learn from your mistakes...cos you WILL make them. by the bucket load.

Me! Me! ME! I'm a good mother, the best. Just make sure you all parent like I do.

Patience, fortitude and a sense of humour probably...

love
an ability to trust your instincts
the ability to say no!

Not just the ability to learn from your mistakes (very important, happens a lot here ) but also the ability to admit them.

the ability to listen to your children and 'hear' what they say
With all modern technology around these days i think the art of conversing with children is dying

a grown up who wants to be a mother is a good start

making time for children
being able to set boundaries
being able to love and respect the child

and all that people said

but mostly a good back up, a partner, family, friends,no one can do it alone even the saintly devoted one will stumble and fall short if doing it alone, not fair not good for anyone

keeping your children's best interests at heart
being consistent and reliable
being honest with them

Patience and selflessness

To be able to accept them as they come. In every aspect.

You can pick my brains, Justine. Been doing this for 33 years - and I still can't get it right.

What makes a 'good' mother?

I suppose being a good mother is accepting that it's an important, responsible job and a huge privilege to do it, but that other things are important to our kids too, and they bring themselves up in spite of us, not because of us. At least they do in my family! So less is more, imo. Keep back and do as little damage as possible.

Also, the whole idea of a 'good' mother. We are so hard on ourselves - always judging and comparing. Why?

I don't think it has changed.

Patience
Sense of humour
Self-respect (and ability to recognise and respond to your own needs as well as others')
Ability to take the long term view (giving in to child's every desire is not good parenting!)
Honesty
Good listening skills

Something that certainly contributes towards me being a fantastic, wonderful mother is a fantastic wonderful father-of-my-children. In seriousness, I really think the support of my DH helps me at least try to be the kind of mother I want to.

Also particularly agree with

patience and
making time for your child(ren)

I like pozzled list but can I add unconditional love to it? I think that has to be the bedrock of good parenting - without it, your ship is a bit rocky

I think you have to understand that they're your kin, so you really don't have to try too hard.

Whenever you start to wobble, just remember that you're the only mother they're ever going to get, and that any paragon of virtue who might come after you (in the unlikely event of your early demise, or a rather pushy daughter-in-law), is never, in the long run, going to match up.

You don't have to shave your legs, or even brush your teeth. You can even say 'fuck', and 'go to bed now, darling, because your boring me to death,' and they'll still love you.

When they get older, they will pick you apart, and find you wanting. But that's life.

In my experience, children end up rather disliking perfect mothers, so do yourself a favour, and don't even try.

And listen to your kids. Listen hard.

Enjoy it! Full-time mothering can be the most exhilarating, satisfying, hilarious time of your life.

Forgive yourself when you are a rotten mother, and apologise to the kids.

Perhaps just accapting that you're good enough.

Not trying to be a "good mother".

Just a good enough mother.

Too many cupcakes involved in the first.

A sense of fun
A ready smile
The strength to stick to your guns
Respect for your children and what they say -however young

My mum was the best mother I could have wished for when I was a child. Now I know her as an adult, I know why she was the mother she was and is.
Not perfect but she did (and still does) her best.
Thats what makes a good mother to me.

sfxmum you speak total and utter nonsense:

"mostly a good back up, a partner, family, friends,no one can do it alone even the saintly devoted one will stumble and fall short if doing it alone, not fair not good for anyone"

my mum did it all on her own after my father walked out (we were 3, 2 and 6 months). utterly alone without help. and she was the best, strongest, most fantastic mum there could ever be. single mums are often isolated (coupled mums just aren't that friendly to singles) and to say that they will 'fall short' is just insulting.

Being thoughtful towards your children.
Model good behaviour yourself and don't just preach about it.
Be reliable.

Being there - or in the background - all the time. Children don't want to talk when it fits in with your diary: they come out with the most important things completely out of the blue. If you are not there when they finally want to say something, you will miss the one thing that really matters. This, of course, means spending a lot of time lurking silently.

Being absolutely, utterly dependable and reliable. My mother never ever let me down in any way, shape or form.

I have learnt everything I need to know about parenting from my own mother. She was, and is, superb.