Grandparents not very hands-on - really disappointed

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Not that I wish to dump my children on them often but my mum for instance never offers to have them for a weekend. If I do ask for help I am expected to drive them 20miles to drop off and 20 miles back and add to insult she wouldnt dream of offering to deliver them back so the journey has to happen again. To be fair my MIL is pretty more hands on will baby sit here and will by pressure have them overnight - coming back stinking of smoke - but we feel as though its really inconvenient.

I'm green with envy when I here my friends parents spending as much time as possible with their grandchildren, taking them out, loving it. But to be frank I am so disappointed with my mother who seems to have such a high opinion of being a good parent and opinions on everyone elses skills!

Would it be so much to ask to expect your mum to have the children for the weekend - say once every 6/8 weeks. She knows who much we work and need a break surely, I'm not being unreasonable? I have such wonderful memories of spending time with my grandparents but whats her problem?

My SIL who has been bloody marvellous in the past has now found a fella and you dont see her for dust and my brother prob will be happy to have them when a bit older (nappies a no no for an old batchelor).

I usually have to pay full wack for childcare - 2 days pw but if I need to go for a meeting/appointment I have to fork out again. Surely I'm not being unreasonable to expect my non-working mum to pull her finger out and inconvience herself!

Hmmm well I am very very lucky that I am supportive parents and ILs who like to spend lots of time with their grandchildren and who want us to have time off. My parents certainly had lots of help from their parents when I was younger.

However I rarely ask them to babysit - they offer more than I ask! - and a weekend every 6-8 weeks is a ridiculous thing to expect. I feel very priviliged to get two weekends a year with my DH even though my mum would have them more but I would NEVER ask that of her. She has her own life and they are my children and responsibility. I felt exactly the same when DH works longer hours than he does now (and he currently does 60 hours a week!).

I understand you need a break and it must be hard for you with the long hours your DH works but that is not your parents problem. You have the option of childcare.

Sorry but you sound like a spoilt brat.

They are your children. Your mil and your mum have done their bit of mothering. You sound very entitled, and spoilt.

I would be more unsympathetic if it weren't for the every 6 weeks and sounding like you pressurise (sp?) MIL into them staying overnight.

My mum and dad and mil and fil all live within 2 miles of us, i get down sometimes that they don't want to look after my DC and overnight is a no no but i consider myself lucky in that about twice year, if we ask, my mum will come over and sit while we go out for a meal. I would love to have a child free weekend but would never guilt them into it.

It does get DH down but it was our choice to have little people at the end of the day.

My master plan is to have a grandchild every weekend from each of my children so they all get a break every 4 weeks but no doubt everyone has told you you're being unreasonable shouldn't expect it etc and maybe you shouldn't but it would be nice eh ?
My own mother palmed us off every weekend for the first 5 years but when i was begging for a break as DD1 had chicken pox and we'd not slept for 6 nights i was informed that's being a parent.

Have you actually asked your mum if she would like to have your dc for a weekend? If yes, what was her response?

You can't change how the grandparents are unfortunately. It is disappointing when they are not more hands on.

My parents have always been very hands on and dp's parents scarcely at all. My dd is the only grandchild both sides and all the grandparents are retired but relatively fit and well. It can feel unsupportive and uncaring when they don't want to do things for you but it doesn't really help to view it like that. I help my parents out too so it does work both ways, and I think this is usually the case - so your friends who get lots of help are probably giving something back as well that you may not be aware of. With dps parents, they are only 3 miles away, but they don't help us so I feel under no obligation whatsoever to help them - so if they start to struggle in their old age they won't be calling in any favours from me!

I think you have to create your own support network so that you get the childcare you need eg by doing swaps with friends.

I will definitely want to be very hands on with my grandchildren should I be fortunate enough to have them.

It's not like she never takes them, she just doesn't do it according the OP's terms and hte MIL doesn't do it to her standards.

How is it your husband works every hour God sends 7 days a week because he has to, but he'd be able to take a weekend away ever 6-8 weeks if it involved free childcare/no kids?

Oh, I'll help, but that doesn't have to include taking babies, toddlers or pre-schoolers, let alone more than one, for overnight visits or on my childrens' terms when they dictate.

It's likely I'll have to work till I drop, so will DH, so they'll have to work round my timetable and need for sleep.

My parents lived 200 miles from their families. They left because at the time there was no university in their city, and my dad wanted to do a degree so he could get a better job (job opportunities better where they went, too). But that meant things were hard often enough. Also my dad had to work away on his own (oil rigs). Sometimes for months if he were abroad.

This OP has help, both from her mother and MIL. Just the OP feels that 'special couple time' must include weekends away every 6-8 weeks and that she's entitled to door-to-door childcare service courtesy of the grandparents.

why not just hire a babysitter?

I hate that people 'expect' heir parents to give them weekends away and 'time off'...

Takes a village and all that, it's disappointing when gp don't seem to be interested.

Sheesh. Our parents live far away but even if they lived close I would consider any babysitting a bonus and would do everything possible to make it as easy as possible for them. We babysit niece sometimes and my sister always makes it as painless as possible for us, leaving a meal etc and not asking too often.

I think that's unfair, Loves. The OP stated her mother and MIL do indeed sit for the kids, they just don't whole weekends (well, apparently, the MIL does overnight if pressured). That's different from GP's who just want to know.

We consider dinner and a film 'special couple time', Riv! That's a major big deal to us! :)

The ILs once sat for us and we went on a ghost tour and had a Starbucks coffee afterwards. Woohoo!

I asked ILs (fit healthy retired twiddling their thumbs) if they could have our 2 for one weekend this year so we could go to my sisters wedding (obv all my family at the wedding). This is the only thing I have ever asked them to do. They said no. Ho hum.

If child free time is that important to you why dont you make friends locally with families with similar age children your children get along with? Then you can child swap for the odd weekend. Its great and reciprocal so you dont feel guilty and if the kids get on they have a whale of a time.

They are your kids, nt hers, ok so some GP's help out but many don't. My parents have looked after my children once, for 2 hours, when they were asleep in nearly 7 years. I am a bot sad about it bit your attitude that you are owed stinks high!

You are outrageously BU. Oh and entirely selfish.

My new boyfriend Jet Li will be able to afford plenty of nannies so we can have 'special couple time' of a weekend :o.

my parents have never been hands on the first thing my mother said when we had dd1 was don't ever ask us to babysit and that is the wasy things remain even when i was hospitalised a few years back no offers of help even though they visited my then unmarried brother who lives 10 miles away regularly . sad thing is now brother is married with a dd they drop everything flying in from france the moment he and his wife need help . my mil on the otherhand although older and living much further away have always offered help although it was never expected as a right

it does sadden me that the dcs have only a superficial relationship with their gps but that's life and you just learn to get over it and accept it.

i also feel envious of those who have alot of parental support .i often don't think they realise how lucky they are .

ultimately they are your dcs and to expect your parents to care for them every 6 weeks and drive them home regularly is actually asking a lot of anyone and also quite demanding on your part