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Original poster

PLease tell me I'm not the only one to get exasperated....

30 replies

QueenOfQuotes · 27/09/2005 20:06

at their reception age child????

Started a thread a few weeks back about DS1's 'reading' (which in actual fact was memorisation of what each page said, tied together with pointing to each block of letters in the right order).

This has been continuing, but I've been doing my best to sit down and 'read' the books with him, and help him when he's 'fogotten' what they say.

Sat down with him tonight to read the book (and I confess I've not managed to for a couple of days) I honestly felt like banging my head against a brick wall. He knows that a sister is a girl, and that a brother is a boy (he knew that a year ago!). But when I tried to help him with the "this is my brother and dad" page - which had a picture of the dad, and a little boy.... - he just didn't "get it". Kept saying sister, despite the fact I said "br" to help him...

Before anyone says it I know he's only just learning, but it drives me up the wall the way he acts so daft (sorry couldn't think of the "pc" word) when I'm helping him with stuff. When DS2's godmother was round last week he was really "clever" at doing it (with her help) and when DH sits down with him (when he's not working evenings) he also does really well for him. But for me - he just doesn't do it at all .

I eventually had to just say "we'll do some more tomorrow" and put the book away, as I was getting so stressed over it. He then proceeded to throw a strop when I asked him to tidy the rest of the toys away.

He's now in bed, and I've got the oven on to make some cakes....so, although I no longer feel like it, I'm going to have to make some or I'll have wasted the electricity.

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Aimsmum · 27/09/2005 20:09

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Earlybird · 27/09/2005 20:10

Poor you. Do you think he's trying to extend having you "to himself" by getting it wrong?

Original poster

QueenOfQuotes · 27/09/2005 20:10

he probably is tired.......but he doesn't 'act' like this for other people (including DH).

And even if we do the reading first thing in the morning he's exactly the same [frown]

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marne · 27/09/2005 20:13

My step dd was the same, i thought she had problems with her reading as she seemed to be strugling with her reading when reading to me but the school said she was doing very well and was top of the class. Then i saw her read to my dad and she was reading perfectly.

Original poster

QueenOfQuotes · 27/09/2005 20:14

glad it's not just me. It just seems there's so many things that he does this sort of thing with me, and no-one else. Really gets me down at times - as I almost always end up getting grumpy and stressed afterwards

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stitch · 27/09/2005 20:16

i used to get really stressed with ds1 when he was learning to read. its a vicious circle. i think he only really made proogress when reading with my sisters

WigWamBam · 27/09/2005 20:16

I'd be inclined to give the reading a rest for a few days. My dd started Reception a couple of weeks ago, had her first full day yesterday, and she is shell-shocked by it all - I'm cutting her quite a bit of slack at the moment as it's a big change from what she's used to. She's actually finding it tiring and quite stressful, and that may be part of your ds's problem too.

She's also having to do quite a lot of reading and letter work at school - perhaps your ds is just finding that it's all getting too much at the moment and is zoning out.

Original poster

QueenOfQuotes · 27/09/2005 20:19

perhaps Wigwam - although this sort of 'not having a clue' with me (and being a flipping genius for everyone else) has been going on since before he started school 3 weeks ago

Perhaps I'm just a really cr*p mum???

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WigWamBam · 27/09/2005 20:21

No, you're not a crap mum. You're an easy target for him to hit out at or dig his heels in with when he's tired or stressed though, because you're Mum and you'll take it in a way that no-one else will.

Original poster

QueenOfQuotes · 27/09/2005 20:24

but it happens all day, not just in the evening after he's been at school in the afternoon - even first thing in the morning, after he's had breakfast and is 'bright and breezy'.

And you're certainly right that I take it the way no-one else will, I get grumpy and upset.

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Earlybird · 27/09/2005 20:24

I'm gonna say it again , I think it's a way of seeking your attention, and prolonging his time with you. If he did it perfectly, you'd praise him of course, but would be rapidly off the sofa, and on to other things. If he stumbles/bumbles around, you sit with him longer coaching him and explaining it. It's negative attention he receives when he does that, but it's attention nonetheless, and probably for a much longer time.

Caligula · 27/09/2005 20:28

I loathe loathe loathe doing spellings with DS. Here's some good news for you QoQ - it doesn't stop! My DS is 6 and he gets a list of spellings every week which I have to help him learn. God knows how I would do that if I had a full time job. But it is hell. Every day we go through them and he never knows them. He doesn't want to do them, he's tired, I'm tired, I'm anxious that he won't learn them and therefore won't get into a good secondary school so won't get good qualifications so will have to go and live in a cardbox box in the middle of a lake and not find a wife so I won't have any grandchildren, or will only have access to the lowest quality of DIL available, so I get stressed and angry because I hate and resent having to do it and then feel ashamed of myself for shouting at him because he won't co-operate with me on doing something I hate too.

In short, no, you're not the only one!

Original poster

QueenOfQuotes · 27/09/2005 20:34

"so I get stressed and angry because I hate and resent having to do it and then feel ashamed of myself for shouting at him because he won't co-operate with me on doing something I hate too."

Almost all of that is completely true for me....apart from the "something I hate too" - I'd love to be able to sit down and help him with his reading without getting angry at him.

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blondehelen · 27/09/2005 20:38

My dd sometimes does this with reading and spellings. I've learnt that I just have to mention what I am going to write in her contact book ie Victoria didn't want to read properly tonight... etc... and it normally 'guides' her in the right direction.

Caligula · 27/09/2005 20:40

Oh exactly - I get angry because he won't co-operate and I feel pissed off because I'm hating it because he won't co-operate. If he did co-operate and get on with it, I wouldn't mind it! I hate it because he does!

Caligula · 27/09/2005 20:41

I've never thought to write anything negative in the contact book. What a brilliant idea - I might try that.

Original poster

QueenOfQuotes · 27/09/2005 20:47

thanks Caligula - I just feel so cr*p that I'm getting angry at him when he's only been in school 3 weeks .

What with this reading stuff, and all the other 'issues' that DS1 and I have (on a regular basis) I've got vision of him being one of these 5/6yr olds who turns round and tell's me he hates me

Anyhow, better go and get some cakes in the oven - it's still on

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blondehelen · 27/09/2005 21:32

Caligula- It works , and I have on had to write something negative once and dd is in year 2.

Passionflower · 27/09/2005 22:17

Ahhh, and I thought it was only me. I have to write that DD1 doesn't want to attend to her reading homework almost every time she gets some. Teachers have been very good though and have started ginving her conprehension instead of a reading text. This works much better, we've just had two weeks without the nightly hell of sitting down for 45mins to read a 14page book. Try talking to the teachers, there are other ways of getting them to read than just giving them a book to take home.

vickitiredmum · 27/09/2005 22:31

Havent read this thread fully - sorry. Are you sure its not done just so it takes longer because he wants to spend more time with you QOQ. He might be missing you now he's in reception?

Original poster

QueenOfQuotes · 27/09/2005 22:59

VTM - I doubt he's missing me - he sees more of me ATM than he did while at nursery.

Nursery we left the house (usually in a mad rush) at 12.30 - he was there from 12.45-3.15 and then we got home about 3.30 (ish).

Now he's at school (still only part time), we leave the house at 12.59, he's there from 1-3 and we get home at 3.01

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Original poster

QueenOfQuotes · 27/09/2005 23:00

oh and when I leave him to read it on his own, I hear him doing it better without me

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aloha · 27/09/2005 23:04

I don't personally think parents should be teachers in the formal sense at all. I think it is a confusion of roles. I know exactly what you mean about exasperation QoQ, which is precisely why I say this. I don't think it's good for small children to have cross parents having a go at them (bear in mind I have been that cross parent more times than I like to remember). I think we are the unconditional love and support bit of their lives and I find it uneasy making taht we are also supposed to be the pushy, teaching them bit, especially when they are tired. My mum is - amoung other things - a dancing teacher and I found it UNBEARABLE to be taught by my mum. I'd happily accept instruction and criticism from my teacher, but to get it from my mum was awful. I just threw huge wobblies about it - I think that's normal. I think many also hate the change in your relationship when you are teaching them stuff. My only advice is to keep a sense of humour about it, laugh rather than see red and say, 'well if you say so, OK, so the boy sister said...' etc and get them to giggle. he sounds a bright boy. He'll be fine.

emkana · 27/09/2005 23:06

Ah, found thread QofQ

I agree with aloha. This is why I couldn't do home edding.

Original poster

QueenOfQuotes · 27/09/2005 23:06

aloha - I see what you're saying......but he asks me if I can help him read his book LOL

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