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Parenting

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Original poster

How do you know your finished your family?

41 replies

BarbieLovesKen · 29/11/2010 22:18

I know we're all different but I suppose Im interested in what the majority say.

Do you know when your finished having children? or is it a case of having to stop? How do you know?

Is it a reason like financial stability/ space/ relationship stability etc.. that is the decider for most or is there something physical or mental that makes a woman just know shes finished with ever having more?

How can someone be so sure that they would consider sterilisation etc..?

Im really intriged as Im pregnant with number 3 at the minute. 3 would be perfect for us to stop at for so many reasons and would be very sensible but after number 1 and number 2 I knew I wasnt finished (despite hating pregnancy), Im wondering when I will loose this feeling? will the broodiness just cease on its own or does my sensible mind just have to come in to play and say "enough is enough". Im really hoping theres something physiological that makes me just stop!.

My aunt tells me one of her biggest regrets in life was not to have another child. . I really worry about this.

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wannabeglam · 29/11/2010 22:26

I asked my DH that question after we had our first. I had difficulty having a 2nd and was so delighted I finally did. But I knew that was it - couldn't go through it again/have one of each/am too old. But of course, there's part of you that will miss the nice bits of every stage - but that will always happen. And I happen to think every stage brings lovely bits.

I also want to be able to spend lots of one-to-one time with them.

Did your aunt only have one child?

I saw a programme where a woman had 14 children and was desperate for another. She was so devastated at a negative pregnancy test, it was as if she had no children. She was addicted to being pregnant and the young baby stage.

Anyway, I think you'll know. And if you ever look back afer 3 and say 'if only' - shake yourself and say 'thank God for my 3 lovely children'. That's if you decide to stop at 3 of course.

AmyFarrahFowler · 29/11/2010 22:31

I know we're done but I'm not totally happy with it. We have 2 and it wouldn't be sensible to have another, I don't think either my body or our finances could take it! We can comfortably provide for 2, save a little for their future (wedding, uni, house whatever) but with 3 we wouldn't be able to save much and we'd need a bigger house/car. Plus, the 2 I've had have knackered various bits of my body so another pregnancy would be risking long term problems.

I feel sad though that we will never have that first cuddle with a brand new baby again, never have those first days etc. I just try to not think about it.

Original poster

BarbieLovesKen · 29/11/2010 22:32

Your right - saying thank God for my 3 lovely children is the right attitude. I just worry/ wonder a little about this - perfect example is that woman you mentioned!! - why did the "end of broodiness" just not hit her?.

I wonder if its supposed to.

No!. My aunt actually had 3. She says she wishes she had 5. She had 3 boys though, I wonder was it a secret longing for a girl maybe.

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Original poster

BarbieLovesKen · 29/11/2010 22:35

Thats quite Sad Amy but then, I think your very sensible not to if the other pregnancies have taken a toll on your body. It wouldnt be fair on your 2 children if you got very ill.

OP posts:

colditz · 29/11/2010 22:36

i know my family is finished, because of my reaction when people say "will you have another one?" (My reaction being "FUCK,NO!")

colditz · 29/11/2010 22:37

And as for sterilisation, the only thing putting me off is the GA.

Original poster

BarbieLovesKen · 29/11/2010 22:37

but why FUCK NO! is what Im wondering???

OP posts:

onceamai · 30/11/2010 04:37

When the gap is big enough to now want to go backwards.

onceamai · 30/11/2010 04:38

Sorry meant to say when the gap is big enough to not want to start at the beginning again.

thelibster · 30/11/2010 05:08

I really, really wanted a fourth child (and maybe even five) but my then DH went and got a vasectomy without telling me so that was that. I still yearn for "that first cuddle" again, I just love babies! Ah well, just have to wait for the grandchildren to turn up I suppose.

colditz · 30/11/2010 07:16

Why FUCK no?

Because the idea terrifies and repells me.

Ds2 is 4. I have JUST started getting my life back together. Another baby would ruin everything.

TheProvincialLady · 30/11/2010 07:38

When your DH has the snip.

When another baby would wreck your fanjo body to the point that you would be disabled.

When you daily thank God you never have to do it again.

Those are fairly clear messages.

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 30/11/2010 08:22

Yeah, it's the wrecked body bit for me too! I have been advised by 2 consultants not to have any more (I have 2 dds) because of the risks.Dd2 & I both ended up in intensive care after her birth, as someone said above how could I justify leaving my daughters motherless in order to give them another sibling, who might have to go through the trauma of a stay in nicu & subsequent health problems. I must say I'm gutted about it, but as dd2 gets older I'm increasingly relievedto be leaving aspects of babyhood behind (weaning for example ) no point regretting something you can't change, but if you've got the chance & you want to, then go for it!

arabicabean · 30/11/2010 08:36

I have one wonderful child.

There is no yearning for more, so sense of unfulfillment. I have everything I desire.

5DollarShake · 30/11/2010 08:47

DC2 is nearly 4 months old so I am just out of the newborn fug and still know I want a third.

However I secretly terrified of having twins (chances are v slim!) as I definitely don't want 4!

thenightsky · 30/11/2010 08:48

We would have had to move to a bigger house and couldn't have afforded it.

Also there is no way we'd be able to pay for 3 to do uni. 2 has nearly bankrupted us.

So for us, totally financial.

PrematureEjoculation · 30/11/2010 09:00

i don't know.

my body isn't wrecked (well, fat is hardly the same as knackered.)

financialy, well, in the future things might be much better for us (or wosre), so not exactly a reason not to. i am viewing university as their problem for the time being....

head in sand emoticon<

DH i think is too chicken to go and get the snip and doubly so without telling me.

the 'first cuddle' thing isn't an incentive....but the the thought that in twenty years time i could have one more adult child than currently likely.....is more conducive. so, i'm looking forwards to other peoples signs...

5DollarShake · 30/11/2010 09:17

PE - i haven't heard anyone else give the reason of another adult child, but it's exactly how I feel.

I find the early baby months hard, but in addition to the childhood years, i love the idea of adult off-spring, coming and going and getting on with their lives and families if they choose to have them.

PrematureEjoculation · 30/11/2010 09:24

5$ - well myself and siblings are adults (as much as we'll ever be) and i find it great to have them around. I like to imagine my kids being the same.

Dh only has his brother and i think he's missing out.

PrematureEjoculation · 30/11/2010 09:25

i think being afraid of getting twins is not unjustified!

wubblybubbly · 30/11/2010 09:30

I know because my health means I can't

I desperately wanted another, I didn't want DS to be an only child, but the decision has been made for us.

warthog · 30/11/2010 09:33

thelibster are you still speaking????

kitkey · 30/11/2010 09:34

I desperately want number 3 - just had a mc so absolutely all I can think about now .

yomellamoHelly · 30/11/2010 10:10

Have 3dc. Whilst still pg with last one dh would say that's it. I wasn't so sure. But it's been hard spreading myself between the 3 dc and I'm not the parent I want to be at times (bit snappy / grumpy as so knackered). So actually I am done for this reason. Have started looking forward to youngest going to school, getting a job, having some money and people to talk to etc recently (dd is 18 months).

neverenoughMEtime · 30/11/2010 10:42

Sorry to hear that kitkey :( x

Thelibster - i wouldn't be able to forgive my DH if he did that without discussing it with me!!!

Ive been wondering this too. After i had DD1 i didn't feel broody for 3 years!! And i worried about that because i knew i wanted DD to have a brother or sister..then it hit me, it was all i could think about. I would sit in the lounge with DD and DH and look at the empty spot on the rug next to DD, i longed for another child to be sitting there with DD. That is when we started trying. DD2 is now 11 months old :)

I have been feeling broody now for the last couple of months!!!! I really would love to have another baby. It is not practical at the moment for a number of reasons :( But i feel it is time...don't know if we will or not because with two we can afford everything they need, and to save a little for them, and we will get to go on nice holidays together etc. With 3 that is going to be quite difficult.

It is so difficult...

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