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Original poster

How do you know your finished your family?

41 replies

BarbieLovesKen · 29/11/2010 22:18

I know we're all different but I suppose Im interested in what the majority say.

Do you know when your finished having children? or is it a case of having to stop? How do you know?

Is it a reason like financial stability/ space/ relationship stability etc.. that is the decider for most or is there something physical or mental that makes a woman just know shes finished with ever having more?

How can someone be so sure that they would consider sterilisation etc..?

Im really intriged as Im pregnant with number 3 at the minute. 3 would be perfect for us to stop at for so many reasons and would be very sensible but after number 1 and number 2 I knew I wasnt finished (despite hating pregnancy), Im wondering when I will loose this feeling? will the broodiness just cease on its own or does my sensible mind just have to come in to play and say "enough is enough". Im really hoping theres something physiological that makes me just stop!.

My aunt tells me one of her biggest regrets in life was not to have another child. . I really worry about this.

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Dexterrocks · 30/11/2010 10:55

I still have waves of broodiness despite struggling at times with the 2 dcs I have. My dd was a twin but the other twin miscarried early in the pregnancy. Twins run in our family, through the women, and increase likelihood with age. I would half love to have twins and am half terrified of it.
I haemoraghed with both dc and have been advised not to have more by docs as the risk of a more serious haemoraghe is high.

I vomitted several times a day every day of my pregnancy with ds. I don't know if I could do that again with 2 other children to care for.

I also had low blood pressure and fainted all over the place. This was a hazard in itself and obviously meant I couldn't drive, which is a rural area is a nightmare.
I am 38 and the chances of great complications are increasing for me.
Despite this I still have waves of broodiness. I think for some it doesn't go away until menopause and then they just start longing for grandchildren.
You have to draw the line somewhere though and for us 2 seemed about right. That said, if I found myself pregnant I would be terrified but also over the moon.

TooTiredtoGoogle · 30/11/2010 11:00

Would love a sibling for DD.
On the 2ww of what will be potentially my last cycle of IVF and not feeling positive.

Coming round to the fact that whether we have another child or not, our family will always be complete.

Kitkey - sorry to hear about your MC

neverenoughMEtime · 30/11/2010 11:08

Good luck tootiredtogoogle!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

TooTiredtoGoogle · 30/11/2010 11:12

Thanks

mummysmadhouse · 30/11/2010 11:51

I would love to know if you just know when youve finished.

We decided to have 1more..dc3 eho is now 8mths...i was sure that was it looked into vasectomy etc, as if im honest ive found 3hard they are 4and under though.

But i had a scare and really was scared but then that moved to dissapointment..think im mad but now wondering about a fourth day and night. Keep thinking family would feel balanced..but money etc would be tight and i hate pregnancy.

Really dont know what to do sooooo confused

neverknowinglyunderdressed · 30/11/2010 12:23

After having twins, for quite a while afterwards i would wake up suddenly in a cold sweat having dreamt that i was pg with another set of twin boys! I knew i was over it! DH then had the snip.

mummysmadhouse · 30/11/2010 12:35

Just been thinking i i would say finances are the biggest factor for me!

I was jsut sat thinking if i won the lottery 2mo..i would def have one more

I watch my dds playing together (2&4)
then look at ds 8mth and think in some ways it would be perfect to have one more..lady in my vilaage has 4close together youngest is 4 and she says 4 def better than 3 as they always pair up.

But then we would struggle to pay for then to do anything, days out, holidays, swimming lessons etc...know its not the bee all and end all BUT i do remember being that child that couldnt join in with all the others on my street playing roller hockey as my mum couldnt afford to get me skates..although i feel its made me a better person in the long run!?!

ITs quality of live i suppose but wish it was easier..and you just stopped wanting!...i know if i ever had a fourth dh and i would be in agreement on him having the snip while i was preg.

Esp as we have just started an extention so that when dcs are teenagers we will have four bed - everyone will have their own room, that would be a nightmare if we had another..can imagine a few arguments.

Its also weird as when i see newborns i dont even feel broody and think aww how gorgeous..i want one or anything like that i just like the idea of 4 all sat round the table when older enjoying a full house and family meals etc..i could quite easily skip pregnancy and yr1...im bloody knackered

starski · 30/11/2010 12:35

I had 1 who is now 8 boy. Finished we were only going to have one, then the brother/sister thing kicked in so we had number 2. @ months after boy number 2 I thought ahhhhhh I NEED a girl. So 18 months later girl is born!! Now I know that I want no more and I know that I was suppose to have 3. Didnt feel that 8 years ago though. Women know!

mummysmadhouse · 30/11/2010 12:44

Mmmm this is not good..i really thought i knew..now im unsure but feel like if i go for another its need to be sooner rather than later as i wuold feel like it was 3 plus 1 if that makes sense..if i left a gap that is!

Another really boring factor that i think off is - im not sure of how the world will be in a few years time..i want my children to be happy through adulthood too..and wonder how the every growing population can be accomidated!?

SIGH

starski · 30/11/2010 12:49

I feel like I have a little gang but I know I want us just to move on as a family now. I agree with something someone else said, " the thought of being pregnant almost makes me feel sad" not for other people of course but I know I would be upset. Its a strong feeling.

starski · 30/11/2010 12:50

Also I think for today tomorrow may never come!!

becaroodolf · 30/11/2010 12:53

Have 2 dc. Would like more but am getting on a bit and have a history of mc.

I also have an aunt who deeply regrets not having another child.

I am so glad I persevered and have my lovely 7 year old and 2 year old

I would love more. I really would. But I have to think about the dc I have and the impact on them of me having a difficult pregnancy.

hormonalmum · 30/11/2010 12:57

I have 3 - always wanted 3 and I am DEFINATELY done.
If I am honest, having 3 is a struggle for me at the moment as I do not seem to have the time for dd1 and ds who need me in different ways.
I am also finding the baby stage harder than I did either time before. I do not think it is my age (34) but the fact I have to be somewhere and time is always tight. I am also much grumpier than ever.
Here's hoping that when dd2 is older, I may feel less frazzled.
Dh had snip anyway when dd2 was 4 months as we were both sure we wanted no more.

starski · 30/11/2010 13:03

I am also alittle grumpy but I just have to look at my little girl and I know We should of had the third one. She has changed our family and the pros are huge.

Missymoomum · 30/11/2010 13:46

I have 2 children and definately don't feel like i'm 'done' but DH doesn't want anymore. I've always imagined that i'd have 3 and dread the thought of regretting never having another child. I'm also starting to get on a bit and then i worry about DD being the middle child and whether that would affect her?!!! I know for definate i would feel that my family was complete after 3.

However, as a pp said even if i never have another on i feel so grateful for the 2 beautiful children that i have.

DownyEmerald · 30/11/2010 13:50

I have one. I think she is going to be an only. She is now 4.9 and I am 42 (tho' think I have young ovaries!). The rest of me no longer looks young tho'!

It was hard, I love the being a mum bit, it was having to cope with the rest of life. I did extended bf, co-sleeping. It took a lot of me, I'm not sure I could do it again. I am the sort of person who found keeping up with life quite hard when it was just dp and me!

I did want another when she was very little, but gradually that has gone away.

I would very much like another so that I could have a photo of me with a newborn that a)isn't taken from miles away (thanks dp) or doesn't show me with a double chin (thanks dps dad). And I would like to think it would be easier second time round.

I do worry (not too much tho') about something awful happening and losing her and then being childless. But then I worry about something awful happening and leaving her motherless, and leaving two kids that way would be worse than one. But I don't think about that sort of thing very often.

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