eleven year old ds crying every day at new school

[spacecadet]

my eldest ds started secondary school last monday and came home full of it on the first day, he has made friends and seems to have a good friend that he goes around with, however dd who is a year 10, told me she found ds on the second day crying, even though he was with his friend. he was sick after breakfast last weds and ended up having that day off, every day he has come home and said he doesnt like the school and is homesick, today his head of year rang at 8.55 and said ds was ill and wanted to come home, i explained what was going on and he said he will keep an eye on him, but what can i do, im worried his new found friends will drop him if he keeps crying and also im worried that he may end up being a target for bullies.

Poor little thing.

Could you have a word with the teachers, without him knowing?

the head of year has told his form teacher whats going on.
i can understand how he feels, its terrifying going from primary to sec school, but he cant keep pretending to be ill etc.

omg, poor boy (and poor you). If it's any consolation, the woman across the road said her son was a complete zombie for the whole of the first year at secondary school. It must be such a massive change for them.

Could his sis keep an eye on him at break time? Has he said why he finds it so frightening?

he wont explain why, just says he hates it and misses me!

I will never forget finding my brother, aged 11, sobbing on the stairs at home after starting his secondary school. It went on for a few weeks I think, but before too long he settled down and became very popular with his classmates. As his parent of course you will feel even worse than I did as a big sister, and I truly sympathise, but perhaps it is best not to panic, and to try to keep a sense of perspective - ie this is a new experience for him, and like anyone he needs time and the chance to express his feelings. I'm sure others will give you practical advice, but I just want to tell you that a start like this does not inevitably lead to a friendless, ostracised boy!

I used to pull sickies from school - even today, I get a terribly nauseous stomach when I'm nervous. Unfortunately, the only cure is to keep making him go - even at 11, if he thinks he can get away with staying at home, he will (I remember thinking that!).

Secondary school must be such a shock but once he realises he has no choice but to attend (and as long as his teachers know to keep an eye on him), he'll probably just get on with it. But I really feel for him poor lad.

Are there any after school clubs that he wants to join - anything that he might enjoy?

thankyou merrygoround! its hard not to worry that he will end up being picked on, i just hope this is shortlived, he asked yesterday if i could home tutor him!

he wanted to join the kit car building after school when he went for induction but doesnt want to go now, i reckon he must go to the loo about 4 times in the morning.

spacey... My DS1 came home in tears a few times last year when he started Y7.

I worried for ages that I had sent him to the wrong school until I realised that it was like starting reception..... too big, too long a day, bigger work load etc. I asked DS1 what he enjoyed about school (without asking about the tears) and he told me he had been picked for the different sports A teams and he was doing circuit training. So essentially he was happy, just tired. It lasted about a term, then suddenly he was in the swing of things and it wasn't so bad. I did a quick poll of friends and found that their sons were pretty much the same (some were Y7s as well and some were older but had had the same problems in Y&).

So.. it probably isn't a big thing. It's hard settling somewhere new. Keep an eye on him (as you obviously will) and see how he goes. Keep praising him and talking about the things that he loves at senior school. I should imagine he's not the only one. They just don't tell each other (I found out the DS1's best friend was the same by chatting to his mum. And he's not easily brought to tears)

I hope that helps and that there is no other underlying cause.

crikey spacecadet, makes me want to go to his school and hold his hand throughout the day so that he feels better.

Perhaps you could encourage the kit car building (sounds like fun). Once he starts to associate school with a bit more fun rather than just pure terror, he might start to feel better.

I've suffered with a nervous stomach for years and unfortunately, I don't think there's much you can do for it. I don't know if kids can take rescue remedy (don't know if it works anyway) to calm him a bit.

thanks marsy-im hoping that it is that simple, he does have a very long day, gets on the bus at 7.25 and doesnt get home till 4.30, i cant ask his friends mums sadly as i dont know them, i might ask ds if he wants to invite his new friend round.

foxinsocks, trouble is my kids inherit, my nervous dissposition!

I am so sorry to read this Spacecadet. I have nothing constructive to offer but just to say I feel for you as my son still doesn't like his new (since last March) school and was crying yesterday. It rips at your heart to see your little ones (even when they are not so little any more) crying about soemthing you cannot change. Perhaps he could have his new friend round at the weekend, to cement the friendship?

yes going to try that lm, your poor ds, has he made some friends?

yup ditto DS1. He used to get the 7.35am bus and not be back before 4.30pm. He now takes the 7.12am bus so that he can at school in time for the first school bus so that they can play footie.

There was me worrying he was hating school and look at him now. He's really flourishing.

I bet we have an anniversary thread next year celebrating how much he's enjoying school!

hope so marsy, i do feel guilty though because i sent him to the out of catchment school, so he didnt go with his friends[bad mother emoticon]

Not really sure SC. One minute someone is a friend, the next they are laughing at him. Any friends he has seen out of school seems to have been more arranged by the mums rather than between ds and friends.

spacey, DS1 didn't know a soul at his new school either. Also sent out of catchement. Are you sure that you don't have 5 kids, including 19month DTs? Cos it's all sounding very similar. lol

I honestly think it will be fine.

Lonelymum, if it helps, I had one friend who's son didn't settle for a year. Not much consolation, but I'm sure he'll come through it.

oh thats sad, mind you kids are so fickle, friends one minute falling out the next, its hard starting a school when you move to the area, my dads job moved him around alot and i started a lot of new schools.

mars i def only have 4! youngest is only 14 months, although i am currently preparing my 5th

how old is he lonelymum?

I would deff have a chat with his form tutor. Hopefully he/she can help.

What is it that is making him upset? Is he OK in the lessons, but finds break and lunch a bit overwhelming? If that is the case he might be able to have a sanctuary with some member of staff. Is he worried about getting lost.....a buddy system? Is he confused about his time table, going over it the night before, packing the books etc.

Does the school run a sixth form mentor project....this can be excellent with kids wh are finding the transition difficult.

HTH

i think its such a culture shock moving to sec school, they prepare pre-schoolers for reception but there isnt really anything for prospective year 6, just a couple of induction days.
the days are so long comnpared to what hes been doing.
mars, if im gonna aspire to anyone, then it has to be you