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Original poster

eleven year old ds crying every day at new school

105 replies

spacecadet · 13/09/2005 19:18

my eldest ds started secondary school last monday and came home full of it on the first day, he has made friends and seems to have a good friend that he goes around with, however dd who is a year 10, told me she found ds on the second day crying, even though he was with his friend. he was sick after breakfast last weds and ended up having that day off, every day he has come home and said he doesnt like the school and is homesick, today his head of year rang at 8.55 and said ds was ill and wanted to come home, i explained what was going on and he said he will keep an eye on him, but what can i do, im worried his new found friends will drop him if he keeps crying and also im worried that he may end up being a target for bullies.

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Lonelymum · 14/09/2005 18:31

Don't know about that! I was treasurer of the playgroup where my ds2 and dd went in our last home - i did it for 3 years and would have continued indefinitely if we had not moved. I am thinking of directing my efforts towards ds3's new playgroup. They seems a nice bunch of people.

I really hope your ds feels better soon SC. If it would make him feel better, you can tell him one of your friends on MN is terrified of the Year 11s too and she is 40 years old! But maybe not. He might not like to know that we have been talking about him.

Original poster
spacecadet · 14/09/2005 18:38

def worthwhile LM, they will prob have their agm anytime now, you could go and volounteer for the committee, or do it more discretly through the chair.
im frightened of year 11's too!

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potty1 · 14/09/2005 18:47

Your ds sounds much like mine spacecadet. He doesn't do change easily, likes familiarity (sp)and has lots of 'what ifs'. I hope you can get things sorted for him on Friday. His little friend sounds lovely and as far as the yr11's go - they intimidate me, how it must feel if you're only 11 I don't know.

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happymerryberries · 14/09/2005 18:51

Tell him to remember that all the Year 11's were in Year 7 once! And tell him that some of them, no matter how big they look, cry in lessons sometimes (yes, even the boys). They may look all big and grown up, but they are not so very different from him, honest!

happymerryberries · 14/09/2005 18:52

Oh and if he needs the loo, he jsut needs to ask I'm sure

cod · 14/09/2005 18:54

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cod · 14/09/2005 19:58

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Original poster
spacecadet · 14/09/2005 21:03

he was worried on his second day apparently because he was desperate for the loo and that particular teacher is known for not letting children go, so he didnt dare ask.
hmb, i told him that year 11's were newbies once!
cod, yes im going to have a word with the head of year about the toilet thing and see if he can discreetly mention to ds's teachers that he should be allowed to go, im sure that will ease one anxiety.

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MarsLady · 14/09/2005 21:32

bless him. I remember DS1 coming to me all upset cos I hadn't sold all of his raffle tickets. Some boys in Y11 told the Y7 boys that they would get into serious trouble if they didn't. Poor boys believed them. I told DS that I would ask his year tutor if that were so and then he was fine.

It's a scarey place. That's why I think it's a settling in thing. This year my huge grown up Y8 DS (lol) keeps telling me how the poor Y7s look so scared all the time. I had to remind him that it was a look that he sported for quite a while.

jampots · 14/09/2005 21:35

snap Mars - dd is doing just the same. Although on the year 7 induction day last term they found one little lass called Ellie crying because she was scared and didnt know anyone. DD and her friends went round with her and then introduced her to a few other girls that would be in her year. She hasnt seen her this term yet but I guess thats a good thing

suedonim · 14/09/2005 23:39

Aw, Spacecadet, poor little chap. My heart goes out to him, it really does. Cod's right that dealing with the trivia helps calm the situation down and allows him to feel he has some control over things. Re the loo thing, remind him about going to the loo at breaktimes so that he's unlikely to need a wee until the next break etc (assuming there isn't some reason why he won't use the loos, of course).

I have to say, the school doesn't sound very good at integrating their new pupils. At dd1's school the new children all have buddies who are available for them at all break times and they are paired up for the entire year, not just the first day! Also, the upcoming year visits the senior school for an entire week. After familiarisation with the building the children spend the rest of the time doing timetabled days, lunch etc so they know exactly what to expect. Maybe ideas your ds's school could incorporate for next year?

Anyway, hope ds starts feeling more at home v soon.

katetee · 15/09/2005 08:03

Hi spacecadet
my thoughts go out to you and your son. My eldest dd started secondary school last September and it was a case of survival not enjoyment! In her words "try to relax!! haha easier said than done" The year 11s aren't the worst people in the school, its usually younger ones trying to stamp their own mark on things". She used to not go to the loo all day and would come home desperate. I have to be honest and say it was the worst year we have had as a family, I spent all year feeling sick with worry. DD has just gone into y8 and it is so much better(so far) she is far more confident. I spoke with one of the pastoral care staff at school, and she said year 7 is the worst year for everyone! I know this probably doesn't help and isn't what you want to hear, but stick together, listen and just be there for him, you will come through.
Nobody tells you when you have that tiny bundle that 11 years later you are still going to be worrying like mad!
Take care

sunnydelight · 15/09/2005 12:24

Just wanted to send lots of support and sympathy spacecadet - no matter how big our kids get it's gutting to see them miserable. DS1 started secondary school last year and was assaulted twice in the space of a few weeks - once by a teacher. The next few months were the worst of my life as I tried to persuade a crying, vomiting, hysterical child that he had to go to school. The school/police/social services only took him seriously when the same teacher punched another child in the face in front of an entire class. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. We finally managed to get our son moved to another school where he comes home every day telling me how happy he is and how much he loves school. It's 99% likely that your son will settle down once he gets used to the change; it's a tough time for kids. For some kids though sometimes the school they end up in just isn't right for them (with the best intentions in the world) and something has to be done. Best of luck.

cod · 15/09/2005 12:24

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spacecadet · 15/09/2005 12:40

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jampots · 15/09/2005 12:50

well I guess thats some improvement SC

well done to your ds for being so grown up about it. Its not easy

Original poster
spacecadet · 15/09/2005 13:26

his friend goes with him to see the head of year but waits outside, he has no idea why ds goes to see him!

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MarsLady · 15/09/2005 13:38

looking forward to tonight's update

suedonim · 15/09/2005 13:42

Glad he was a little bit better this morning, Sc. If he's getting worried about feeling/being sick maybe give him something like barley sugar sweets (I know, I know, bad diet etc!!) and tell him that if he feels sick, sucking one will help take away the icky feelings. It's a placebo effect, of course, but it might empower him to believe he has some useful strategies. Best of luck!

katetee · 15/09/2005 14:10

Hiya
glad you had better morning. the other thing we use (yes even tho now in year 8) is rescue remedy. Prob placebo, but makes dd feel better about leaving for school in mornings.
good luck

monkeytrousers · 15/09/2005 14:24

I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if someone else has asked this but are you sure he isn't being bullied already?

Original poster
spacecadet · 15/09/2005 15:58

i had thought of rescue remedy..i will need some for nervous wreck dd who is about to take some exams!
MT, he is insistent that he has friends etc and no one has been unkind, dd looks out for him at breaktimes etc and says he is always with a friend, i know he doesnt like sitting on the school bus though as he sits alone.

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Mojomummy · 15/09/2005 16:08

Someone mentioned the rescue remedy - try it in the morning - it's very good ( I gave it to DD this am on her way to nursery & I had a cry at work & took it - just sort of soothes things). If he's nerves he's suffering from, this might help him to cope a bit better ?

You mentioned he has made a friend(s) - can you get him to invite them round after school for tea or something ?

Poor lad, hope things get better for him soon..

Original poster
spacecadet · 15/09/2005 16:26

yes, i had thought of inviting his friend roundm must ask ds.

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Milliways · 15/09/2005 16:48

At my DD's school, they have the SMILE club, sort of Student run pastoral care. As well as being around for advice on bullies etc, the Yr10 Smilies are all linked to a Yr7 who is either being bullied, or is the sort of person who is likely to be bullied, or is having learning/any other problems. It's easier for the Yr7 to tell their Yr10 somethings, when teachers are too scary. DD is just training as a Smilie now!