How much do you 'ignore' your children?

[Gameboy]

Have just been out with two families - friends of ours- who have kids about the same age, and I have to confess, I am amzed by the extent to which they actively 'ignore' their children trhoughout the whole afternoon.

By this I mean they seem to 'zone out' from all the various requests/ questions/ constant 'to-ing and fro-ing' that seems typical of under- 6s??

As a result they actively seem to enjoy themselves more, manage to have 'adult' conversations (which I gave up years ago )and it seems that their kids eventually give up and go and sort out themselves whatever it is they want....( which seems like a good thing I suppose)

I can't decide whether I'm just a mug with my kids and let them dominate my life too much... but I simply CAN'T ignore them - it seems really rude and uncaring somehow??

it is physically impossible for a child to talk in sentances at 10 months. I wonder why you feel the need to say this?

they are trying to help in the main and have restorted to use shock tactics becasue she is patentlay igfnoring the isseu that most are concerned about. this site is abotu improvign our parenting skils.

oh whoopy doo.

sorry, but kids needs innocence, they dont need to learn about cancer etc at an early age.

Vaunda- it sounds as if the circumstances leading to him being comfortable around adults are similar to my ex boyfriends (ie no exposure to children until school). He is very intelligent (top first at Oxford), but in his late 20's he was still unable to mix easily with people his own age. He described it to me as a problem- and actuslly it did have some pretty awful fall outs (tmi for a public forum)

I'm still not comfortable with reading the whole disabilities thing. As the mother of a disabled child it is - as others have said- slightly patronising. And really in many cases disability should be irrelevent for friendship.

nothing's impossible.
mine were stringing words together at around 14 months.

I see that mud, and I know that the majority of the posters are being really helpful, but some people just seem to be getting a kick out of taking the mick.

Actually Kelly, in Vaunda's defence - it isn't impossible. My friend's ds did too.

And I agree with colditz - this may not be how I would choose to parent my children but some of the comments on this thread are unkind.

/me smack her own hand. naughty misdee!

ok i'm bowing out now,but vaunda..your little guy sounds very bright but i think you need to enrol him in cubs or a playscheme or something, becuaues he NEEDS to learn to be and enjoy being with his peers.

My son is severely autistic Vaunda - and really "friendships" on equal terms are impossible for him- that's what worries me about the whole thing. Of course it may be that the children have AS or something - in which case I wouldn't be surprised as children with AS are often in terms of interest- mature for their years (not in other ways) - so it would probably be a case of sharing interests

vaunda, i dont believe you are for real.

He does know how to be a child and does on occassion go into his play room and spend time in there with his dad or I, or with both of us. He is happy to help others because this is what he knows. He is not perfect in anyway he has tantrums all be it rarely. He is advanced on his years but hell thats what our situation did for him. I cannot turn back time and make my grandad live longer, my nan not be diagnosed with senile dementure, my dad not be rushed into hospital 6 days after i got married, my dad not be diagnosed with cancer, mrsa, or stop his lungs collapsing. I cannot change the fact that a nurse overdosed my dad and killed him. And i will not ever lie to my ds. If he asks me a question i am as always honest with him.
I never ignore him and nor will i ever. If other parents don't agree with my parenting methods well that quite frankly is tough. My son is MINE and i will raise him how i see fit which is the way I was raised.
I was never a street roamer/latch key kid or a hooligan. I had and still have respect for myself and for others. I am following my parents path or raising us and it sure as hell didn't do us any harm.

i agree stitch

It is perfectly possible for children to become mini adults, a large group of children who do are those who are carers because of family circumstances at a young age. It's also common in children who have older parents who don't mix with families with young children.

As for being precocious i am reminded of the boy who showed a talent for antiques and was made a fuss of by the media.

I think it is lovely to have a child who can hold his own in adult company but it's also, in my view, important to feel at ease and have friends in your own age group especially as a teenager and young adult. Although it seems wonderful to have a child sharing adulthood maybe it could also mean that he is lacking in confidence (the reverse of what appears to be the case))

Kelly i said it because it is true. I have no need to lie about him and nor would I.

Vaunda, yound Karl sounds like a very intelligent and caring boy. I really admire the way that you have managed to hold onto that during this thread and to present the facts calmly.

I met one of those famous precocious children as an adult at university. goodness, he was a smug pratt.

not aimed at you btw Vaunda.

vaunda, its not my fault my dh is in heart failure, has an LVAD and needs a heart transplant, but we CHOOSE to protect our dd's from things as much as possible. they know daddy is ill, has a pump and needs a new heart, they dont know medical terms or that death is a possibility.

they deserve their childhood.

yes- zippi- my ex was like this. Confidence was a major problem (for a world expert in his field!)

zippi- I began to worry about ds2 from about 18 months as he never mixed with NT children (or very rarely- family circumstances of having a severely autistic elder child). Anyway sent him to nursery at 2 - and he did stop doing the weirder stuff (sniffing books etc). DS3 is lucky enough to have ds2.

Alexmum, he is actually about to begin helping out on the local city farm (his choice) I asked him which he would like to do and gave him a list to pick from and thats what he chose. I have to stay with him because he is under 8 and the farm are not insured for the under 8's to be without parents.

Have to say it is quite possible for a child of ten months to talk!! Our eldest was holding a conversation with proper sentences just after her 1st birthday . She also spent the 1st 2 years of her life surrounded by mostly adults and in restuarants etc.... BUT from age 2.5 she was at playschool and encouraged to interact with peers at mother and toddler etc...

It is great that he is bright and he sounds like a fascinating little boy Vaunda. It is obvious you are very proud of him and so you should be. The only thing I would advise (of course its only advice) is to really encourage him to play with children of his own age even if it means making friends with other mums and inviting them and their kids round for coffee

the early talking, well, my dd started out saying sentences. i was shocked when at about 17 or 18 months, she came out with 'i want to sit here' the entire sentence, and at two she was on the same verbal sort of level as her big brother who is 19 months older.

I think vaunda is for real, but I think she has perceptions of her son which most people would find very different to their own. I personally think that beign a CHILD is more important, rather than getting too carried away with and exaggerating advanced abilities. Personally I think it would have doen both of them good to spend time with other children. But, each to their own, and her different approach to childrearing isn't really doing any harm.

My dd was also walking and talking very early, stringing words together by about 14 mnths, and could follow a basic conversation by 18 mnths. But 'proper sentances' at 10 mnths - no chance!

if motor skills are good then early talking isn't anything strange- after all babies in deaf signing households often start around 8 months. It;s usually motor skills rather than langauge that delays speech.

vaunda all those terrible things happened , and i am so sorry for you , however you didn't need to make your son a front seat witness to the drama.
I too was never a hooligan, a latchkey kid, a roamer etc. However As a small child, I wasn't party to the illness and death of my grandparents( who incidentally were all dead by my tenth birthday). I remember them as being fun, kind people who cuddled me and loved me. I don't remember them lying in bed on a drip,delirious with pain, wasted and emaciated. My parents protected me from that because i was a child.
I too think the way I was raised is the best way.