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How much do you 'ignore' your children?

1500 replies

Gameboy · 10/09/2005 17:02

Have just been out with two families - friends of ours- who have kids about the same age, and I have to confess, I am amzed by the extent to which they actively 'ignore' their children trhoughout the whole afternoon.

By this I mean they seem to 'zone out' from all the various requests/ questions/ constant 'to-ing and fro-ing' that seems typical of under- 6s??

As a result they actively seem to enjoy themselves more, manage to have 'adult' conversations (which I gave up years ago )and it seems that their kids eventually give up and go and sort out themselves whatever it is they want....( which seems like a good thing I suppose)

I can't decide whether I'm just a mug with my kids and let them dominate my life too much... but I simply CAN'T ignore them - it seems really rude and uncaring somehow??

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
steffee · 11/09/2005 13:24

I agree all children are different - my dd is two years younger than ds1 but has the same level of vocabulary thereabouts. My ds2 however, is 21m and can barely say anything - he can say mum, dad and sheep and that's it!! I was worried at first but he is well-developed in other ways, he can do the same jigsaws as his older brother, who's nearly 5 for example.

The three of them are all so different, and advanced or behind in different ways, and they all play great together and with other children, and enjoy the company of adults too. So I'm happy, because it doesn't matter what age they learned to speak in sentences, or to differentiate all their colours, or learn to write their name etc

However, children are children. They aren't adults, and it's our job to a.) let them enjoy their childhood innocently, b.) encourage them to develop skills needed for adulthood and life, e.g. manners, right from wrong, social skills, empathy etc and importantly, that they are not the centre of the universe!!

I know that sounds a bit harsh, because they are the centre of their own and our universes whilst they're young, but if they grow up thinking this they will turn into selfish adults lacking basic skills.

It's important to remember that children are children for a reason, and it worries me that some people think their children are their property! They're not there to be best friends with their parents (as a young child) or part of the couple that are the parents (ever!) and to treat them this way is bordering on emotional abuse. Sorry, not meant to sound harsh.

Vaunda · 11/09/2005 13:24

marslady not really, i haen't taught my son to be racist. I have taught him to accept people for who they are.

magnolia1 · 11/09/2005 13:25

Have to agree with Vaunda on the prince thing!! It doesn't matter if he is the blooming King in Africa, He is over here and his status doesn't matter a dot!

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spidermama · 11/09/2005 13:25

Yes mars but vaunda's upbringing doesn't involve belittling others.

MarsLady · 11/09/2005 13:25

no one has mentioned racism vaunda. Simply that you both have the same attitude when raising your sons. Therefore, if her attitude is wrong, then so is yours

Vaunda · 11/09/2005 13:26

teaching your child that "white children smell" is racist.

"I don't like you I am an african prince and my mum told me white children smell"

that to me is racist. Maybe i am wrong but.....

magnolia1 · 11/09/2005 13:27

But Vaunda's way of bring up her boy does not include allowing and possible encouriging him to bully which is what this 'African Prince' did

magnolia1 · 11/09/2005 13:27

Completely right Vaunda

misdee · 11/09/2005 13:27

pmsl, how bizarre is this thread now.

Vaunda · 11/09/2005 13:28

Magnolia., at least you can see the difference. ty

magnolia1 · 11/09/2005 13:28

Misdee, Beats doing the housework

steffee · 11/09/2005 13:29

I think some people have the attitude that they will accept other people regardless of who they are but feel they are being noble in doing so. They think they are better than people with disabilities, ethnic minorities or whatever, but speak to them to prove that they're treating them as equals, which is not the same as actually treating them as being the same. Quite patronising really.

jampots · 11/09/2005 13:29

why doesnt it? the royal family are recognised all over the world for their status. Just because this lad isnt famous doesnt mean he should have his status diminished. He's a prince - thats how he's been brought up - let it lie. Please dont turn it into a racial thing

sobernow · 11/09/2005 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarsLady · 11/09/2005 13:30

you misheard me vaunda. I said that if that happened in front of me then I would probably respond with a low blow as well. What she taught him about how to treat others is also wrong... but what I took issue with was the nastiness of your comments. I also said that you can't complain about the way that people bring their children up by following the patterns they know if you won't allow others to do the same to you.

marthamoo · 11/09/2005 13:30

But Vaunda's way of bringing up her boy includes

Doesn't exactly fit with the treating him as an adult method, does it? That's why I said this thread had taken a bizarre turn.

Bullying is wrong but there are better ways of tackling it than verbally attacking another adult in this way in front of your child.

Vaunda · 11/09/2005 13:30

Misdee, well shortly i am off to get a bus to hyde park....

misdee · 11/09/2005 13:31

housework? what u on about mag?

jampots · 11/09/2005 13:31

anyway, some white kids do smell

Vaunda · 11/09/2005 13:32

Jampots, the thing is it was a race thing. The childs staement made it one.

misdee · 11/09/2005 13:33

good for vaunda, i'm off to check on the dh at the hosp[ital (phonevcall only)

hopefully the nurses havent tried to stab him today, some days he swear they arew just out to get him (mainly just to pop a vein for some blood).

magnolia1 · 11/09/2005 13:33

sobernow, Completely below the belt IMO

misdee · 11/09/2005 13:33

soe hwite kids do smell, u havent been near mine after they have had garlic, the reek for days despite baths and brushing teeth.

magnolia1 · 11/09/2005 13:34

Misdee, he must be like a pin cushion?
And housework doesn't really exist here just wanted to sound like it does

sansouci · 11/09/2005 13:34

i'm not following the bizarre turn of this thread but going to the original question: it's impossible for us to ignore our kids. They're usually quite good on their own, play independantly, etc but when we're all together, it's hell. I dread the weekends. dd is 5 & ds is 2 and they fight like cat & dog over toys & attention. I'm wishing they could be ignored! It's getting me down, TBH.

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