Need to have a rant about my parents poking their noses into how I discipline my child!

[blueteddy]

I may be over reacting but they have annoyed me & made me feel like a cr*p parent.
What happened was today we were round there for a BBQ & ds1 & 2 were playing with their coupe cars outside.
The cars are the same but ds2's is a lot newer.
Ds2 was in his coupe car, when ds1 came back outside after going to the toilet & went over to ds2 & tried to pull him out of the car, saying he had it first.
I told him that he wasn't in it first & that ds2 had been playing in the car while ds1 was inside, to which my mum chirped up "Yes but ds1 was in it before he went into the toilet"
I told her that didn't matter, as nobody was using the car when ds2 got in it & it was his car after all!
I asked ds1 to play in his car (which is the same, but a little more faded) & ds1 started playing up.
He continued to try & pull ds2 out & then went over to his car & kicked it over, so I told him to go & sit on the step for some time out.
Ds1 started screaming & crying, because he didn't want to sit on the step & my parents started having a go at me for making him sit on the step in their house & accusing me of taking ds2's side!
I told them I would give him time out when he misbehaved, be it in my house, their house or a friends house, as he has to learn.
I also explained that there was NO WAY I treat them any differently & that ds2 had been on the step earlier for hitting ds1 & nobody had flinched about that!
They have just gone & phoned up asking if he was ok & telling me I spoiled the afternoon, which has really got my back up, especially as my Dad used to take his watch off to smack me when I was a child!
Ds1 was happy as anything within minutes of returning home & says he has had a nice day, but I am left feeling like the worlds worst mother!
Sorry, just needed a rant!

Thanks mummyhill.
My parents seem to have a very short memory when it comes to what they were like themselves as parents, although they are quick to remind me that I was the worst child in the world!

We sat down with all of the family and explained to them what behaviour we want to promote and what we wish to discourage and then explained how to use time out effectivley and that this was our preffered method of discipline, regardless of how much dd moans or makes a fuss. Luckily once we had discussed it everyone started to sing from the same song sheet. I know she gets away with more at her grandparents especially if we are not there but they have stopped undermining us if we decide to use time out whilst at their house.

My mother's parenting techniques were very different from my own; my grandmother's parenting techniques would be classed as abuse today !!

My mother and grandmother are fixed in their ways and think that only their way is the right way. As a wrinkly, old childminder, I am a generation apart from many of the mums I mix with at toddler group, so how come I am able to change my own views or admit that maybe there are better ways to do something, yet my family members (mum, nan, MIL, great-aunty Flo) can't?!

I would never class any of the childminders from the parent and toddler group I run to be old or wrinkly. It is easier to change your methods etc when the children you are looking after are not related to you, especially with all the courses etc that they insist upon you doing before they allow you to register. When you are related to the child and have never had to look after other peoples it is very easy to become set in your ways and to believe that your methods are the best after all your children turned out ok didn't they?

We faced a lot of opposition to our parenting methods from somne members of the family till we could demonstrate that they were effective. Now they have come round to our way of thinking life is much easier.

Did they ring you up purely to tell you you 'ruined the afternoon'? That's nasty. Stuff them, you were right. Maybe they just want the kids to have fun at their house and don't like disciplining the kids at all while they are there? Not on, but maybe that's where they are coming from.

I think that's exactually where they were coming from edam.
My Dad said something along the lines of "Don't embarrass him" when I asked him to sit on the step!
And yes, they did phone up just to have another pop at me & tell me I spoilt the afternoon.