The worst thing. Dd said to me - you are always busy mummy.

[timeisshort]

and i am.
She said i dont have time to play with her.
And i dont.

I dont know how to fix this.

Im a single parent and i work part time. We leave the house at 8.10 am and get home just after 3. A quick dog walk, and small amount of housework and its 4.30.
I then have to think about tea, watering the garden, bathing, bed time for 7pm.
I have one day off in the week and its usually for housework/errands/stuff i need to do and hopefully something fun for DD and us together, like a day out or something. Maybe 1 in 4 times actually. The weekends i have her we tend to hang around the house. But im usually doing gardening, or housestuff again.

I just dont seem to have time. i want to play with her, to just sit down and do lego for hours. But after a short time i think, god, ive got this this and this to do.

its all very well to say leave it, but i cant, if i dont do it noone else will and its a small house and goes to pot really quicky if i dont do the day to day stuff.

So, how do i make more time for her?

[timeisshort]

of course she does moan about other stuff. And of course i dont feel bad about it.

Maybe this is just the same and i feel bad beacuse i dont feel like im doing a good enough job.

A break with the pressure off for a while would be fab, except its not going to happen. So ive just got to muddle though.

We did have a weeks holiday not so long ago. we had a day at an attraction, went to the beach, visited horses, swam, played in the park, went on boats. etc.. etc... i reminded her of this when she said i didnt play and she just repeated that we did things but i didnt play.

Thats why i feel sad. I took her on holiday on my own, with dog. When i couldnt really afford to and it still wasnt enough.

[Lancelottie]

I'm pondering the comment further down the thread about how much your parents played with you. Good grief, it was never on my parents' radar AT ALL (and yet I remember them as spending a lot of time with us).

Nope, no point in expecting the little horrors to be grateful.

[timeisshort]

lady - i did have a cleaner for a while but i cant afford it anymore. it made the world of difference and i had much more time for DD then.

Thats why when people say leave it until she is alseep i just cant. it then feels like a total druge and makes me depressed.

She does play on her own, and i too thought she was happy doing so. She had never complained before and shes almost 5.

orm - i cant remember my mother or father actually playing with me/us at all. but then there were 4 of us, so thats a little different. In fact i just remember lots of being told to go outside and play, or go in the playroom and play, or go in your rooms and play. I dont even remember being read to, or even watching tv with let alone baking or anything.

I think im going to try and play for half and hour after dog walk every other day. See if thats better. Its as much as i can do really.

[Lancelottie]

'Please come and sit on the floor where I am in charge of the world'

Spot on, LadyBiscuit. OP, could you try saying to your daughter, 'I think you'd like to be in charge for a little bit, wouldn't you? Let's swap and pretend YOU'RE the mummy till the pinger goes off.'

[Gay40]

They just have a way of finding your sore spots, I think. I had it a bit because I'm a rubbish "player", but when DD 8 found a friend a few doors down, we were all superfluous to playing requirements anyway.

You are doing a great job. No one can be all singing all dancing supermum. There's plenty of parents out there doing half what you do with your daughter.

My SIL somehow makes her own party invitations, yet has 3 kids and works twice the hours I do. And I think: you must do this in your sleep. No wonder she's always crying.

[IsItMeOr]

timeisshort - wow, I am in awe of what you manage to achieve just you. It far outstrips what DH and I manage with just 16mo DS to accommodate.

Having read more of your posts, I wonder if what your DD is picking up on is your tiredness, and maybe a lack of joy in your life (sorry, putting words into your mouth with that last one)? Maybe she is trying to say that she wants you to be happier, and play is what makes her happy?

Could be way off here, of course.

[timeisshort]

lol - yes. could do.

Thing is, before she said that i thought she was ok.
this week we are:
After work today going to pick presents for her friends and get things for picnic in park with her friend tomorrow.
Tue: potter round getting house things done, bake cakes and have picnic tea in park with friend ( can play on swings etc..)
Wed: after work, walk dog in park
Thur after work, walk dog, pack things for her to go to her dads the next day.

Every night she gets stories and songs, when we are in the park we chat, collect sticks/feathers/pine cones/ talk about trees, birds etc.. what they might eat, what dinosaur lives behind what tree... etc.. etc...

Fri afternoon till sunday lunchtime shes at her dads and then saunday afternoon she has a party to go to.
Monday im off and planning on taking her crab fishing.

I kind of thought that was ok for a child who is under 5 and at nursery from 8:15 - 3pm four days a week.

[IsItMeOr]

Ok? Sounds amazing!

I'm increasingly convinced it's you who needs to have some more fun. Do you get to do fun things for yourself when DD is at her dad's?

[timeisshort]

isitme - there is joy. I fit it in everyother weekend. I should probably be sleeping though as it doesnt help with the tiredness levels!!

[IsItMeOr]

Am I naive in hoping that you can also have fun in spending time with your DD, so that she can see it too?

[eeyore2]

Wow! timeisshort I am so impressed by your dd's lovely life! I'm sure she is a very happy girl. You are obviously working so hard and I wouldn't worry about one little winge.

[timeisshort]

and just had a text from a lady we met at a bug hunt and pond dipping thins we had in the local park a few weeks ago wanting to see if we wanted to go pond dipping tomorrow.

so we will do that too.

Thats why it upset me that she said that, beacuse i think we do quite a lot of things and its not good enough.

and yes, i do have fun. Again, its hard as im stretched thin, and often im tired. but i do... it jsut doesnt help with the tiredness levels. Plus if im out all weekend the stuff round the house doesnt get done either.. meaning more for me to do it the week.

its a fine line all this juggling about.

[HousewifeOfOrangeCounty]

I am not a single parent and I don't work and I rarely 'play' with my dc's.

We do things together that we all enjoy; reading, painting, drawing, chatting, walks, films etc, but I can't remember the last time I sat on the floor and played lego for example. I'm not interested - I love my children, but I am 40-odd and not into the same things that they are. I figure that they get all this from other children and as I have three dc's each other.

Please stop beating yourself up, it sounds like you are doing a fab job.

[IsItMeOr]

You are doing loads of things.

I don't think I'm making myself clear. As a SAHM to one 16mo DS, I found myself waiting and waiting for the time when I would actually enjoy being with DS - by which I mean feeling relaxed and having fun. It has finally happened for us in the past month or so.

So I know it's possible, but it doesn't sound like you're experiencing it. I don't think that's right, and is not to do with how many things you do.

[timeisshort]

well - thats what i though. that she is at nursery long enough and will be doing plenty of playing there.
And that all the things we do do were fab.
But it seems not so, and that actually playing with mummy is whats needed.

[Rockbird]

OK, I don't go with this children say things they don't mean business. It's obviously bugging her (not saying it to make you feel worse OP, I promise), So why not give her the option every so often? Tell her she has a choice between, I don't know, playing or going to the park or playing and making cakes. Don't think of it as an extra but as an instead of. She might prefer the idea of you just sitting on the floor doing a puzzle with her rather than flying about doing activities.

That sounds like a criticism, it really isn't, I'm in awe of how much you pack in

[whatdoesntkillyou]

I think you are doing a great job.

If you managed to squeeze in some playing with DD she would no doubt find something else to feed your 'parent guilt': "Mummy you don't give me enough chocolate / let me watch TV / stay up late.......".

[chaostrulyreigns]

timeisshort pleaseplease stop worrying about this - as other posters have said she's just what I call AskingForMore. If she was moaning that you didn't give her enough crisps or let her play with sharp knives you would soon put her straight regarding that wouldn't you?

I'm not advising you to be rotten to her when you can't play but she needs to find her own strategies to fill time when mom can't play.

FWIW I would love you to be my mom - I think what you do for her is amazing and you acheive far more with her on a daily basu
is that I could only dream about with my 4.

And don't pay heed to Fiddle's post please.

Your DD has a fantastic mom, but like all children she probably won't realise this until she's a parent herself.

[Soapsy]

Definitely sounds to me like she's pushing your buttons. Making dens and things is playing, just she has a different definition that specifically involves her toys.

But, also like someone else said, maybe you have higher standards of cleanliness than me if you are doing cleaning every day. Our house gets blitzed once a week, and then left for the rest of the week, unless there is some specific mess to clean up. Maybe try it that way, and free up a few minutes each day for lego or whatever it might be. After all, a bit of dust isn't going to hurt.

I am also not good at playing either, as I do find it dull, and I figure that's what nursery is for as well. DS 'just' gets to join in with what we're doing a lot like you.

[MeAndThee]

timeisshort,

as a fellow LP you have completely put me to shame with what you manage to fit in! Thanks for that.

Honestly, I think you should be proud of what you're doing.

Being a LP and fitting in the 'fun stuff' is always a challenge. Seems to me that you're suceeding though.

I rarely 'play' with DS, we go out loads when I'm not working (soft play, park, swimming etc)
The 3 days I work, I collect him from the childminders, come home and DS plays whilst I make tea/ wash up etc. Bath, story and bed!

Yikes, I feel bad now!

Seriously though, well done.

[dixiechick1975]

I think the 'you don't play' with me hits harder if DD is an only child.

I have one DD aged 4 and yes spend lots of time with her like you do but not much time as she would like playing my little ponies or polly pockets or pretending to be the handsome prince.

The pang for me is DD is an only due to my health reasons not choice and it does make me think she's lonely, wants someone to play with.

I know, from my own childhood experience, that siblings don't always play well together but Dd ssaying paly with me makes me feel horrible about her lack of sibling.

[Meglet]

tis You sound like you are doing a fine job. I rarely play with my 2 dc's, whenever I try and start some playing it usually ends up a in squabble moments later. They are at nursery 4 days a week and thats a hell of a lot of playing and messy play so I never feel the need to get the paints out at home .

They help me in the garden a lot this time of year. DS is only 3.8 but managed to earth up my potatoes a treat. I have to save the mowing / strimming for when they are in bed as it's not safe otherwise. We've reached a stage where it's easier to involve them in what I'm doing, even at a basic level, than get out the toys / messy play and make more work for me.

[colditz]

goodness, she's just having a whinge - that's the problem with parents today, they don't realise that children are programmed to complain about whatever pops into their birdlike skulls.

Drag her round the house with you and give her jobs. She wants time, and even if she does want you to pretend to be a compliant 5 year old, the house cannot stop running because she wants someone to sit on the floor and be told "No, no, he doesn't say that, he says 'Ok Mummy' - now you say 'ok Mummy' --- you said it wrong!"

You're a human being, you have to do sertain things to meet both of your needs.

Put her in charge of atering the garden, and do something else while you get on with it.

Also, instead of a bath, every other day sit and play a board game with her. My kids love that.

[timeisshort]

thanks. has put it a bit in perspective.

The park thing ( this makes me feel bad) but we only go all the time as we have to walk the dog. We dont often stop to play on swings etc...

But she wonders about saying ' can you hear all the crickets' or ' i can see new bat boxes' so we will have a bit of a chat about that.

Ive just got home from the trip to buy things for the parties, just turned pc on expecting important email.
DD is having to amuse herself. ive got to get washing it, put some out, make her bed ( had to strip it in the night as she wee'ed in, which she never does) and then its the dinner, bath, story and bed thing. While i try and sort the sprinkler out and the paperwork will have to wait till when shes gone to bed.

We arent racing about doing fun activities all the time,in fact she does hardly anything compareed to a lot of her friends.

colditz - your right. i have to do certain things to meet our needs. that will not change. i do the best i can. just will try and squeeze a bit ot playing time in as well.

somewhere....

[Fel1x]

Do the kind of playing she wants instead of baking or instead of bath or story time one night.
Instead of den building or water fights ask her if she wants to do sit down playing.
Sounds like you do plenty with her but if she would prefer Lego to baking then why not swap things round a bit? Won't take up extra time you don't have then