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Original poster

4 year old dd wants her ears pierced ... aaaarrghhhh

115 replies

WigWamBam · 14/07/2005 18:25

I didn't really expect to have to deal with this so soon!

Both dh and I have agreed that if dd wants her ears pierced when she's 13 or so then that's fine - but she wants it done now, and she's only just 4.

I thought I could reason with her, but she has an answer for everything. The conversation went a bit like this:

Me: No, you're too young to have your ears pierced.
DD: J has hers pierced, Mummy, and she's younger than me.
Me: Well, it doesn't really matter if J has them. I just don't think it's very sensible to have them done until you're older.
DD: J's Mummy is sensible, she's a nurse, and she let J have hers done.
Me: I'm sure she's very sensible, but I still think you're too young. Sometimes other people do things that we don't like, and that's OK if that's what they have decided, but that doesn't mean that it's the right thing for us to do.
DD: If J's Mummy is sensible then that means she does the right things, doesn't it?
Me: Not always, because sometimes it hurts to have your ears pierced, and you have to know how to look after them.
DD: I'm sensible and clever though, so you can show me how to look after them. And I don't mind if it hurts; I'm very brave when things hurt. Anyway, Mummy, you haven't got your ears pierced, so you don't know. J has, and she knows, and it didn't hurt her.

And on ... and on ... and on ...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I'm not interested in whether it's right or wrong, I don't want another argument, but I need help to put my foot down and convince her ... I think I'm losing this one.

I did think about telling her that her ears will turn green and fall off, but somehow I don't think she'd believe me

OP posts:
FairyMum · 15/07/2005 07:15

Like others say, just say NO. You are the adult. I wouldn't even discuss it. In my opinion it's common and makes a child look like a mini-chav.

WideWebWitch · 15/07/2005 07:38

I'm impressed with her reasoning wwb! But I'd go with I'm in charge and I say NO too.

KiwiKate · 15/07/2005 08:30

WWB, just pretend that this is a practice run for when she is 13 and wants to spend the night with her boyfriend (not saying that she will, but you get the point). She has to know that NO means NO at some stage, even if she disagrees with you!

I agree with earlier comments. Just don't discuss it anymore.

Carlk · 15/07/2005 10:38

how about " I wanted my ears pierced but all I got was this lousy tattoo"

BTW DD isnt going to have her ears pierced or a boyfriend .....ever!

Easy · 15/07/2005 10:41

No. to me it's tantamount to child abuse.

Let's take this little girl, and make holes in her just for decorative purposes. Yuk.

She doesn't know how much it hurts having it done, and she can't care for them when they are done.

No No NO

spykid · 15/07/2005 10:48

Simple.......don't take her!!!

Enid · 15/07/2005 10:48

god, just say NO. They have an answer for everything and it doesnt get any better. You don't have to be her best friend about this!

If you were really anti-it you would feel totally confident about saying NO. I get the impression you are wavering...

katierocket · 15/07/2005 10:49

Just say no. Agree with everyone else. No reasoning. On this one you're the adult, she's the child and that's it.

Original poster
WigWamBam · 15/07/2005 16:37

Enid, I don't want to waver, there's no way I want her having holes in any bit of her that there shouldn't be yet!

It's just that this is the first time she's ever really not accepted my decision and my reasons for it, usually she accepts that I'm the boss and my decision is final (yes, I know I'm lucky) but this time she keeps on ... and on ... I won't give in to her, but I just don't know how to put an end to her pleading and reasoning! "NO" isn't having the desired effect at all.

Although she's still gobsmacked at the idea that she can have it done when Daddy has his tongue pierced

OP posts:
Catsmother · 15/07/2005 16:48

I can remember going on and on about this with my mum - mind you, when I was a lot older than 4! She used to tell me I'd have to wait till I was 16, but eventually relented when I was 10. On that basis, I'd think 10 was also suitable for my own daughter too .... by then they're more responsible and aware of themselves. Could you really trust a 4 year old to be so self conscious (of the earrings) all the time - and therefore avoid getting into scrapes where she might rip them out ? ..... normal playing could be risky enough, let alone more boisterous activities. Personally, I'd feel dreadful if I let her have them done and then she got injured - and would guess there's a pretty high chance of that happening. Besides, personally, I think very young children in jewellery - other than the simplest beads or bangle - look quite chavvy !

WWB - I'm glad you are resolute on the subject. maybe if you stop justifying your refusal, she'll eventually give up mithering. While you present an argument against, she has the opportunity to counter that - say nothing, refuse to discuss it any more and she'll have to stop sooner or later.

Easy · 15/07/2005 17:05

When ds goes on and on and on ..... I tell him I don't want to hear anymore about it. If he mentions it again I take away a piece of pasta, until eventually he gives up.

Otherwise, each time she raises the subject, put your fingers in your ears and sing. She WILL get the message.

jampots · 15/07/2005 17:30

i guess she must think she's in with a chance if Daddy's getting his tongue pierced.

Original poster
WigWamBam · 15/07/2005 17:37

Daddy would no more get his tongue pierced than he would run down the street naked waving his underpants in the air and singing "Rule Britannia"

But dd hasn't realised that yet ...

OP posts:
jampots · 15/07/2005 17:38

therein lies the problem - she thinks they're off together for family piercings!

nooka · 15/07/2005 20:41

You could always get some clip on ones for her dressing up box? I think that they are quite tight so might out her off anyway. My two usually lose interest and start up with some other interest quite quickly.

ElliesMomma · 16/07/2005 07:43

I will Ellie get her ears pierced when she wants to get them done, Mark wanted to get them done on her first birthday but i didn't agree with that, i said to wait till she asks for them done becasue then its her choice. If you don't want them done just say NO and tell her she can argue all she likes but your not changing your mind

mandyc66 · 16/07/2005 08:04

make sure you get both sides done at once!! think most places do this on little ones just incase they have one done then dont like it!!

XmariaX · 16/07/2005 09:42

my daughter wanted her ears pierced at 3 so i let her i took her to claires accesories,
and they were really nice they did both sides at once but dd1 cried and i felt so guilty, but she was fine afterwards,
but then i had trouble cleaning them,
she didnt like it and had a battle everyday trying to clean them and in the end we took them out cause it wasnt worth the battle.
i think i learnt my lesson and would not let my dd2( who's 4) have hers done now

paolosgirl · 16/07/2005 11:23

Just say no. Think of it in the same way as the other things she's not allowed to do, and put your foot down with a firm hand!
I remember going on and on and on about the same thing at 5. My best friend had her ears pierced and was allowed to gorw her nails long(!) at 5, but mum just stood firm. She used the word "no" a lot, as I recall!

mandyc66 · 16/07/2005 11:52

I was 11 when I had mine done..but that was in the olden days!!!! Mum had said 13 but my big brother said he wanted to pay for them for my 11th birthday!!!
My DD was about 8 I think!

wysiwyg · 17/07/2005 00:17

Say she can have them pierced....when she's 10.
Hopefully by then the fuss will have died down.
My daughter told me she wants a tattoo and a motorbike.... she is 5 and bright but accepted it when I said she couldn't have a motorbike till she was 68!!!!!!!!!
(They don't have much concept of time at that age) Ha.

Tortington · 17/07/2005 01:08

"mummy can i have the earrings like we talked about yesterday?"
"no"
"why?"
"becuase you have to first get a good education and then you willg et a job that will enable you to get money to buy your own earrings"
" why won't you buy them for me?"
"becuase i want to spend money on chocolate just for me"
" awwwww i want chocolate"
"oh i dont know if you should"
" oh yes chocolate"
" well if i buy chocolate for us to share then the earings will have to wait til you get a job"
"ok"

sorry that was my imagination

gigglinggoblin · 17/07/2005 10:08

i had mine done about this age and loved them. as long as she understands its gonna hurt then i would let her.

alternatively you could get clip ons for her (claires accessories have lots) and see if that is good enough. or distract her by making your own. i used to spend hours drawing out earring designs and cutting them out. i used my pierced earrings to hold them on my ears but am sure you could use double sided sticky tape or something!

Enid · 17/07/2005 10:13

imagination! lol custardo

that is exactly how I speak to my dd1

sansouci · 17/07/2005 10:45

The real issue here is "drawing the line". No is no. And that's the end of it.

Apparently children need to hear "no" & experience frustration from time to time. It's supposed to be good for them.

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