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Original poster

4 year old dd wants her ears pierced ... aaaarrghhhh

115 replies

WigWamBam · 14/07/2005 18:25

I didn't really expect to have to deal with this so soon!

Both dh and I have agreed that if dd wants her ears pierced when she's 13 or so then that's fine - but she wants it done now, and she's only just 4.

I thought I could reason with her, but she has an answer for everything. The conversation went a bit like this:

Me: No, you're too young to have your ears pierced.
DD: J has hers pierced, Mummy, and she's younger than me.
Me: Well, it doesn't really matter if J has them. I just don't think it's very sensible to have them done until you're older.
DD: J's Mummy is sensible, she's a nurse, and she let J have hers done.
Me: I'm sure she's very sensible, but I still think you're too young. Sometimes other people do things that we don't like, and that's OK if that's what they have decided, but that doesn't mean that it's the right thing for us to do.
DD: If J's Mummy is sensible then that means she does the right things, doesn't it?
Me: Not always, because sometimes it hurts to have your ears pierced, and you have to know how to look after them.
DD: I'm sensible and clever though, so you can show me how to look after them. And I don't mind if it hurts; I'm very brave when things hurt. Anyway, Mummy, you haven't got your ears pierced, so you don't know. J has, and she knows, and it didn't hurt her.

And on ... and on ... and on ...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I'm not interested in whether it's right or wrong, I don't want another argument, but I need help to put my foot down and convince her ... I think I'm losing this one.

I did think about telling her that her ears will turn green and fall off, but somehow I don't think she'd believe me

OP posts:
Kittypickle · 14/07/2005 19:03

Agree with the "just say no" approach. My DD has tried this and has had a firm no. I told her that she can have them done at 14 which was when I had mine done and explained that the ear ring is shot through your ear with a gun and hurts. She's been very quiet on the subject since !

kama · 14/07/2005 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
WigWamBam · 14/07/2005 19:50

It's frightening that she's only just 4 and can reason like that!

My dh has told her that she can have her ears pierced when he gets his tongue pierced! She looked agog, and hasn't said a word about it since.

Kama, the "I'm going to have to ignore you as you won't take "no" for an answer and I have no other answer to give you" is good, I shall try that when she starts again. Thanks!

OP posts:
MaloryTowers · 14/07/2005 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stringbean · 14/07/2005 20:25

Tell her she can have it done if your dh has a 'Prince Albert'. That should keep her quiet!

Original poster
WigWamBam · 14/07/2005 20:38

It'd keep my dh quiet as well ... he'd be in a collapsed heap on the floor at the very thought of it!

OP posts:
JoolsToo · 14/07/2005 20:42

you see this is the modern problem, where everyone discusses things with their kids in my day you did as you were told, no discussion - end of!

Original poster
WigWamBam · 14/07/2005 20:47

I'm not the sort to just say "because I say so". I like to explain things to her because I think she deserves to be treated as an intelligent person. A four year old person, but a person nonetheless. Involving her in the discussion usually works, but this has been the exception.

Rod for my own back, I know, but there you go.

OP posts:
nooka · 14/07/2005 20:49

I'm with the I make the rules around here line too. I think it's useful for them to know who's in charge. Although we do get a bit of "you're not the boss" from ds (6). Generally we respond with "yes I/we am/are", and if we get any more cheek after that we tell him firmly not to be rude and then ignore him. dd (4) generally isn't so bad.

I'm not going to let her have pierced ears until she's 16 at least! I had mine done and they've weeped pus ever since...

bundle · 14/07/2005 21:20

wwb if she was an intelligent person then she'd know it's wrong for a 4 yr old to have their ears pierced. you cannot equate the "intellect" that youngsters have (my dd1 is 5 so i know exactly where you are coming from - i try to involve her in lots of things too, but draw lines as & when)

bundle · 14/07/2005 21:21

(sorry, that sounded a bit rude re: your dd, which I never intended of course )

Original poster
WigWamBam · 14/07/2005 21:23

I mean insofar as a child can be treated as an intelligent person. I think it's wrong to answer any question with "because" or "because I say so"; if the child is intelligent enough to ask the question then she is intelligent enough to deserve an answer. And usually that works ... this time it hasn't!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 14/07/2005 21:34

I had my ears pierced per my request at age 5.

GetMakosiorVanessaorOrlaithOut · 14/07/2005 21:34

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Aero · 14/07/2005 21:41

She does desreve an answer WWB, and you've given her one and your reasons are more than valid. I think though that in this case you are well within your parental rights to tell her you've given her an answer and a reason and she will need to accept it with no further discussion on the subject until she's leaving primary school!
You are the parent here, and with that (as you know) comes the responsibility to be firm when you need to with your decisions. She's old enough to decide what she's wearing for example, but you still get the final word on the bigger issues! Just tell her her time will come for making these decisions for herself.

expatinscotland · 14/07/2005 21:42

I still have the piercings. Love 'em. Got two more when I was 30.

batters · 14/07/2005 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Polgara2 · 14/07/2005 23:13

I'm with the just say no brigade here but just let me tell you this about my dd1. She kept harping on about having them done and I kept saying no you're too young, it hurts, you need to be able to look after them properly and basically no so stop asking. We were out shopping in Claires and there was a about 4 yr old girl just having them done - dd1 of course wanted to watch. Well the absolute horror on her face when said 4 yr old howled and nearly jumped off the chair when the earring went in, dd1 went white!!! This has completely done the trick and she isn't remotely interested any more and even tells dd2 all about the perils of ear piercing .

mumfor1sttime · 14/07/2005 23:30

Sorry to say this but I had my ears pierced for my 5th birthday. I wouldnt have a problem with it.
I dont think it is too young, I just dont like seeing piercing on babies.

Skribble · 14/07/2005 23:42

Don't know what you caould say to put her of but working in nurseries i have had to untangle too many from jumpers and dressing up clothes.

Say you will do it yourself and get out the hot needle and a potatoe.

My dd is 5 and likes the idea of it but accepts she can get it when older even though best friend has hers pierced.

Carla · 14/07/2005 23:49

WWB, just tell her they look cheap and nasty. You may well have to have a long discussion about what that means, but at least it will be a different one .....

mumfor1sttime · 15/07/2005 00:05

My dh and me have been talking this one over- can you explain to her what will happen, that it will hurt a lot etc and how to clean them etc. After all this is how children learn - through experience, we cant wrap them up forever.

jampots · 15/07/2005 00:12

i know this is going to sound controversial but i dont see a 4 year old as being old enough to make an informed decision anyway so really would be wasting your time discussing it with her. If you couldnt come up with a good enough argument but didnt want her to have it done, would you allow her just because she'd won the round? to show im not being horrid

ThePrisoner · 15/07/2005 00:38

Tell her that when she's got a paying job, a driving licence and has her own car, she can drive herself to the Mutilation Factory and get it done whenever she wants. That's what my dd has done!!! (And she's not 4 years old).

oops · 15/07/2005 00:47

Message withdrawn

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