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Original poster

So, this calm dignity I struggling to maintain . . . when can I stop and have the s**thead ex "dealt" with?

46 replies

Libb · 09/07/2005 22:45

Some of you may know he now fancies the girl he works with and she likes him, I have been told (by him) that there is nothing in it because they work together and "I am still around".

So why is he acting like a person with a secret? I know all the signs, I did it myself when I thought the shite was worthing running away for. (hindsight and all that . .). I have also walked into the room whilst he is on the phone, only for the calls suddenly become monosyllabic.(sp?).

I know it shouldn't matter, our relationship is dead in the water and I am just waiting for the opportunity to get out - but this is just downright insulting.

I know we both have lives to lead but the thought of him eyeing up his next idjit pisses me off - especially as I know her too (we all worked together). She came down hard on her ex when he started dating just 3 months after they split - now she is doing the same to me! I am sick and tired of hearing how "sorry" he is.

I am struggling with the quiet dignity, I could happily push him (and her) off a big cliff right now!

Phew, thanks for letting me offload . . .

OP posts:
spursmum · 09/07/2005 23:09

I'd kill the pair of them and dispose of the bodies!!! IMHO they are both being very insensitive but why are you waiting for an oppoturnity to leave? I'd b*r off and leave them to it. And who says you have to be dignified? Tell them how rude they are then carry on with your life as if they didnt mean anything to you. P*d me ex off no end to see i didnt need him and wasn't pining!!!

Original poster
Libb · 09/07/2005 23:45

I wish I could just bugger off - am waiting for the Council to get things moving because private renting would be the end of any independence I have. Straight back home to rural Norfolk for me!

I was just venting spleen, it is very weird here at the moment! thanks for answering, you are a sweetie xx

OP posts:
sheepgomeep · 10/07/2005 00:08

my ex rubs it in all the time when it comes to his teenage girlfriend. He constantly gives the impression that she is so much better than me in all ways which makes me feel like shite.

they're all tossers!!

jinglybits · 10/07/2005 02:06

his loss libb, his loss, put it into your head that you are amazing and he is a fool, if you can look at him through those eyes you will pity what he has lost (you) and any person he moves onto...you'll see in a few years when you are with an amazing guy who truely deserves your love and he is messing some other girl around or alone and lonely/confused. as said before, think he is emotionally immature, you better off without him. hold your head up high, wish him well with a knowing smirk and thank god for the wonderful chil that came of your time together x.

jinglybits · 10/07/2005 02:06

child, not chil! silly me!

Original poster
Libb · 15/07/2005 23:02

Just found out from him that the other night when he phoned to say he was crashing round his friend's - would I mind taking DS to the CM (didn' get into work until 10.30) he was actually shagging the work colleague we both know . . .

I know we are not together but he could at least wait until I move out. I feel sick.

OP posts:
colditz · 15/07/2005 23:07

Oh, gutted. you poor thing. How bloody rude!

Original poster
Libb · 15/07/2005 23:12

I was hoping to keep it friendly and make arrangements between us . . no chance now.

OP posts:
PinotGirl · 15/07/2005 23:23

Oh honey, that's horrible. I don't know your situation but for him to treat you like that is just wrong. Do you have any idea when you'll be able to get out of the house? I can't imagine how hard it is for you now - do you have any family nearby?

I was in a similar situation but without kids. My ex-DH told me that he was going out for a bike ride and then the next day I found out he was shagging one of my work colleagues. It's hard but you will get through it.

Hugs to you xx

moondog · 15/07/2005 23:44

Libb,he's used goods.

Original poster
Libb · 15/07/2005 23:48

But I feel like the used goods . . . hindsight is a beautiful thing indeed.

OP posts:
moondog · 15/07/2005 23:49

He's an arse.
A bad mannered one at that.
You have seen the error of your ways.
FWIW,she has more to worry about than you-you are an enormouse shadow on her horizon.

Flossam · 15/07/2005 23:56

Libb you are not used goods. You are lovely and warm and I think you are brilliant. He has been a fool and one day he will see that and probably spend a long time regretting it. Hold on to that and make the most of your fresh new start. Oh, and come and see me in London for a glass of wime or 3 next weekend.

We can find out the bar that Lou is a fan of the barman and see if we can try our luck there!

Original poster
Libb · 16/07/2005 00:04

I am not trying my luck anywhere, ever again! but I don't mind eye candy

OP posts:
fairyfly · 16/07/2005 00:12

It just highlights the fact you don't need him. Who wants to be with an insesntive selfish man who has barely just climbed out of bed with another women. They will have problems as this is quite obviously rebound and he hasn't had time to sort out his issues. You will come out stronger in the end as while he can't stand on his own two feet you will become strong self assured and your own person. Then you will find someone wonderful ( who isn't living with the mother of his child)

Flossam · 16/07/2005 00:20

Very well said FF.

Flossam · 16/07/2005 09:43

spotted you! how are you feeling this morning libb?

Original poster
Libb · 16/07/2005 09:44

like poo, he is now telling me that he thinks he could spend the rest of his life with her.

OP posts:
Flossam · 16/07/2005 09:46

God does he always jump into everything with both feet? silly boy.

Original poster
Libb · 16/07/2005 09:47

may as well get all the shocks dealt with in one weekend ...

OP posts:
fairyfly · 16/07/2005 09:52

oh that comment just proves his head his firmly up his arse and he is thinking with his genetalia. How can he possibly say things like that already? The foundations are made of sand.
( no need to tell you stuff like that either, it is cruel and insensitive and anyone with a slight bit of compassion would keep their mouths firmly shut).

BarefootMama · 16/07/2005 09:56

Hi Libb sorry that you are going through this terrible time. Try to hold on to the old adage' what goes around comes around' We all know so many stories of one partner being unfaithful/running off/whatever and then the one who is left finding a longer more enduring happiness with someone else. SO many stories - my own family- friends - collegues....hold on.
The fact that your ex is 'telling' you all about this woman shows how important you still are to him - as a friend- confidante- just someone to talk to. Unfortunately for him - you wont be there for him. His 'romance- bubble' will burst they always do .....hold on to the fact that when it does - YOU will be long gone!!

Flossam · 16/07/2005 09:57

Or is he trying to prove that he is not thinking with his bits, trying to make it seem a valid reason to behave like a twat to make him feel better and make Libb understand? But of course that is just covering up the fact that he is being guided by his southern brain not his useful one.

Original poster
Libb · 16/07/2005 09:57

they have known each other for years - I asked him why he didn't get ask her out years ago instead of hurting people and titting around. He said it was because she was only 17 at the time (she is now "ancient" at 23)!

OP posts:
Prufrock · 16/07/2005 09:58

But didn't he say that to you at some point? Pity her, because the likelihood is that at some point in the future she will be in your position - he is so obviously too immature to have any sort of meaningful commited adult relationship.
However he does have to have an adult relationship with your son. I would try to sit down calmly with him and tell him that you really don't mind what he does with this woman, but he cannot put his, or her needs over those of his child. He might not want the commitment to you, but when he agreed you shouldgo ahead with the pregnancy he bought into a lifetime of committment to your baby. He (and you tbh) need to stop seeing ds as your resposibility, with him in the role of a nice uncle who gets to take him out and play with him sometimes.

And if it does all get too much, I'm lots closer now - and I can even com and pick you up (just don't speak to cat about my driving or navigating ability!)

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