So, this calm dignity I struggling to maintain . . . when can I stop and have the s**thead ex "dealt" with?

[Libb]

Some of you may know he now fancies the girl he works with and she likes him, I have been told (by him) that there is nothing in it because they work together and "I am still around".

So why is he acting like a person with a secret? I know all the signs, I did it myself when I thought the shite was worthing running away for. (hindsight and all that . .). I have also walked into the room whilst he is on the phone, only for the calls suddenly become monosyllabic.(sp?).

I know it shouldn't matter, our relationship is dead in the water and I am just waiting for the opportunity to get out - but this is just downright insulting.

I know we both have lives to lead but the thought of him eyeing up his next idjit pisses me off - especially as I know her too (we all worked together). She came down hard on her ex when he started dating just 3 months after they split - now she is doing the same to me! I am sick and tired of hearing how "sorry" he is.

I am struggling with the quiet dignity, I could happily push him (and her) off a big cliff right now!

Phew, thanks for letting me offload . . .

Oh, so a younger woman. Chances are she won't want to be tied down for life just yet, perhaps it really will be him in your shoes in a years time.

When this happened to me i was told she was a saint and the most incredible woman he had ever met. Totally agree with flossam, it was just to ease his guilt and justify hurting everyone. I think you will have months of gross exageration to deal with to make it more exciting for him. I think they do it as it is an excuse, makes it seem like they are a chapter out of Romeo and Juliet.

They were also friends and she fed his ego and told him i didn't treay him well enough as hew was soo incredibly special. Of course it is like that! they don't live together, have children, have anything to argue about, have any stress.................yet

He has always been quite blunt with his opinions - ex-p and the trollop both had the hump with her ex-boyf when he dared to start seeing another girl in the office they all work after just 3 months. I asked ex why it was okay for them both to do it to me? He couldn't answer because he is a hypocrite.

It is less than 6 degrees of separation in their office.

Prufrock, I struggle to be the mature one sometimes! I want to kick off and e-mail the bitch but DS comes first, I am seriously considering court involvement now. I also had no idea how malicious I could feel and it worries me because I am usually the proverbial "water off a duck's back" kind of person. I can assure you that he won't be allowed to play the part time jolly uncle role - he is Reuben's father and always will be.

I also look forward to "guiding" you through Cambridge at some point - get a bike! we can go down to Granchester Meadows, the pubs there are lovely xxx

Sounds like a very stressful situation and he really is behaving like a complete arse. I hope you can show him that you really couldn't care less what he is doing with this woman. Agree with the others though, he may be an arse to you, but can't be allowed to get away with such behaviour towards ds.

Do you have any idea how long it will be until you get a place to live?

I am bad - just texted her. Very polite, just said that I knew, that I thought she and ex were hypocrites for berating her ex about doing the same thing, asked her if she were proud.

I KNOW I shouldn't have but if that person thinks she can get away without comment the she is a fool. I will not contact her again, I will not spit on her if she were on fire.

Ex just texted me to say that I didn't need to text her. It is insane that I feel like I have been cheated on because we only living together whilst I find a place to live - someone please slap me.

I am finally cracking up.

you don't need a slap, Libb, you need a nice cup of tea/glass of wine and a sit down to contemplate your new life away from this t*sser.

Hope you are feeling better libb. Big hugs to you xxx.

I have deleted her number from my phone. Probably best that way!

Definitely best that way - no temptation! Libb, this is such a nasty situation for you. He is being a total git and I really hope that you are able to get things sorted soon and get out of there to move on with your life.

Can I just tell you a quick story that may make you feel a bit better? If it's any comfort, I was in a relationship years ago which ended badly when I messed around on my partner in very much the same way your xp is doing (from what I can glean from your threads). I behaved like a complete immature idiot, was totally insensitive, dived into a series of rebound relationships and made myself (and other people) utterly miserable because I refused to acknowlege the source of the real problem (i.e. me and my crappy childish attitude) How did it all pan out? Well, five years later I'm a 32-year-old single mother living out of my mum & dad's back bedroom - and the guy whose heart I 'broke' is a very successful, sorted and still utterly delightful person who very sensibly won't give me the time of day any more

What goes around comes around. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you'll be well out of it soon enough and your dignity is a credit to you. Chin up.

Can't believe I pressed post!

Snafu, thank you for posting! I am sorry you feel you deserve your current lifestyle - I don't think you do. I broke my exh's heart to be with this now ex - so I guess the adage what goes round comes round is true. I always like to think that we learn from every
experience - I am just having trouble to figure out what this particular lesson is!

I am feeling pretty calm about it all at the moment - but then he did stay away last night so DS and I woke up and have had a lovely morning so far. He is currently trying to pull my toes off (DS that is) and I going to take him off to the swings. I look forward to it being like this all the time, just hope it is soon!

Oh gosh, sorry, probably my cod-philosophising didn't help much then!

I know what you mean about trying to learn from things. Sometimes I think 'OK, enough life lessons already, can I just get on with being happy now?!' It takes time and distance to get your head around these things, doesn't it? In the end you will be able to look back on it all and say 'Well, now I know why I went through all of that crap' but right now it's probably just too close to home.

Ugh, ramblerama. A long-winded way of saying, hope your day continues to be calm and happy!

You can ramble at me all you want, anytime.

Libb - only just seen this

I do think that it's time to become gloves off. All amicable sorting out seems to have come to naught. Get a solicitor/court involved. Get some sort of regular maintenance coming in from him. Find out if you are entitled to anything else that could help house you quicker. The arse isn't worth being amicable with.

Thinking of you and wishing all manner of boils and pustules on your ex

Bumping to show Libb we love her .

Please come and see me??? (whiney voice) xx

I think I have caused trouble. Yesterday I also texted a mutual friend of ex and the new girlfriend as he and I were good friends. (he also works in their office and once had a things for her). I sent him a message saying that I knew he knew and that I hoped we could be friends - I only did this because ex told me that she had told this work friend everything on Friday night. I wanted to let him know that there was no ill feeling in case we were to ever bump into each other, things would be cool.

It now transpires that he didn't know . . . Ex doesn't know what this friend is now feeling and I have said sorry a hundred times, however I have also pointed out that this wasn't my secret to cover up so it isn't my fault.

Now ex doesn't know what his friend thinks of him and she thinks it is turning into a nightmare. Tell me about it!

Snafu - sage words!!

Libb I understand you completely - there will be no right or wrong way to act just know- do what makes you feel good!

Sorry - 'just now'

Still here Libb! Don't worry about it. Who gives a stuff about him now anyway. xxx