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I need advice on a very big decision (very long, sorry)

60 replies

lilibet · 12/06/2003 21:24

The situation is this:- last year I left my violent husband taking my children with me and moving into rented property. The finances are now on the verge of being sorted out over 18 months after I first filed for divorce. My ex has refused to move out of the former maritial home and there was no way that I could make him as it was in joint names and I have also had to continue to pay half of the mortgage due to it being in joint names. This coupled with extortianate rent adn the fact that my husband wouldn't contribute to food etc while i was with him has lead to me getting around 10k in debt. The house has been valued at 135k but does need some structural work doing to it.
My ex earns approximately two and a half times what I earn, has approximately 15k in savings and is 51. The proposal that he has put forward is this:- I get the house and 19% of his pension. He gets his savings, the remainder of his pension, both policies, which at the moment have a surrender value of 12k but in 2014 have a redemption value of 56k and I give him 3k. The maximum that I can lend is 70k taking into account my salary, tax credit payments, and maintenance, if i take on the house 56k of this will go to paying of the existing mortgage, 10k to settling my debts,3k to him, which would leave me with 1k to pay my solicitors fees(!!) and buy furniture that I need and get repairs done. The other added problem is this, my tenancy is up on my house on the 31st July and it is not being renewed due to the owner of the house wanting to move back in. There is little or no property in this area, I was incredibly lucky to get this house and would find it well nigh impossible to get another. There is no one with whom we can move in, so I am very soon going to be homeless. If I accept the offer I can be back in my old house by the time this tenancy is up. If we put the house on the market I have nowhere to live in the mean time. If I move back in with the intention of selling, I feel that this would be dreadfully unfair on the children as they love the house and where it is and have freinds in the street, two of them have lived their all their lives till I took them away. My solicitor is leaning towards acceptance, because she feels that if we go to court it will cost about 7k, and could take up to 6 months for a decision to be reached and I may not be any better off. My ex needs to buy a house and becasue of his age can only take out a 9 year mortgage and has been quoted as £900 for 76k so his solicitor is saying that he needs as much capital as possible now which is why I am beig offered a share of his pension which I will only get when I retire in 20 years. This is why my solicitor says accept because a judge would think that this way we both get a house. In 9 years however, he will have no mortgage, a house adn still quite a large pension and 2 nice endownments to look forward to and i will still be saving up to get the eaves fixed!
So, sorry for being so long, but what in hells name should I do? Accept and think that at least we have a roof over our heads or turn it down and risk being no better off at teh end of court proceedings, or maybe even a lot worse off. I don't have time for more offers and counter offers becasue of the tenancy thing and of course getting more into debt every month, and of course he knows that I will be homeless soon wit the children and won't move out until everythign is finalised.
This is probably going to be really long when I read it back but even if no one can be arsed reading all the way through it (and if you have got this far my heartiest congratulations!) it has helped me get it straight in my mind typing it all out.

OP posts:
lilibet · 16/06/2003 20:53

Update - been to see my solicitor tonight, with a renewed attitude and loads of confidence and we are fighting our corner!! I was very reluctant to change her, as she knows all the history and has been very good so far. She is issuing proceedings this week and I kow just need (yet another) house. I shall keep you updated. Thanks for everything.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 16/06/2003 23:45

Oh good lilibet, glad we could help! keep us posted won't you?

robinw · 17/06/2003 07:06

message withdrawn

robinw · 17/06/2003 07:20

message withdrawn

Copper · 04/07/2003 09:26

lilibet
any news?

lilibet · 04/07/2003 12:20

Hello, nice of you to remember me! We have a court date set for 7th October and I am house hunting. One nearby is being refurbished and I am quite hopeful that they will be done on time for me to move in before the end of the month. The council were absolute sh**e. I am not homeless until my landord had taken me to court to evict me! They suggest that I stay on after the end of teh lease and make the langlord take me to court and tehn after the cse has gone thru will I be a priority case!!! A friend has offered to put us up but I don't think she knows what she is letting herself in for. Further installments soon!

OP posts:
Copper · 15/07/2003 14:40

Best of luck. When will you know about the refurbished house? Very pleased for your daughter and hers SATS results - you have every right to be really proud of her. How are you all in general?

lilibet · 25/07/2003 19:00

Another quick update, I move next week to a house thats not in a brill area but is lovely once you get inside and its quite small so it may make us tidy! who am I kidding!!??!!
It will be our fourth house in 12 months.
Thanks Copper.

OP posts:
lilibet · 03/10/2003 17:17

for anyone who posted on this thread to give me advice - just to let you know that I go to court on Tuesday for a first hearing. It may turn into a final hearing if the judge will give a decisionand all parties are in agreement. Aarrgghh. Nervous as hell. My ex, who is still living in the former marital home, has shifted 7k in 12 months out of his savings with nothing to show for it and has managed not to save anything out of the 1k per month he has to support himself after he has paid the mortgage on the house and my mainteneace - it's all under his mothers mattress!
Really hope I get a good judge and don't want to be sexist but I so hope its a woman!
Think of me on Tuesday!!!!

OP posts:
doormat · 03/10/2003 17:27

Lillibet, GOOD LUCK for Tuesday.
I hope the jusge skins his tight arse alive.

Pos vibes going your way and hugsXXX
You deserve it

bunny2 · 03/10/2003 17:39

Lilbet, wishing you loads of good luck next Tuesday.

Girly · 03/10/2003 17:40

Wishing you the best of luck on Tuesday Lilibet, sending hugs

bunny2 · 03/10/2003 19:02

Lilbet, wishing you loads of good luck next Tuesday.

bunny2 · 03/10/2003 19:03

Oops, what am I on?

WideWebWitch · 04/10/2003 19:54

Good luck Lilibet.

forestfly · 04/10/2003 19:59

Wishing you all wish for, good luck and things WILL work out ( I Promise )

lucy123 · 04/10/2003 20:11

Yes, good luck from Spain too!

judetheobscure · 04/10/2003 21:01

Good luck lillibet - hope you get a good judge.

bossykate · 05/10/2003 05:33

good luck!

littlerach · 05/10/2003 16:21

Thinking of you on Tuesday. XX

Tillysmummy · 05/10/2003 17:34

Good luck lillibet and im sure the judge will be good. They nearly always side with the mother and will certainly be less than sympathetic to a violent husband. Let us know how it goes.

myersthecat · 05/10/2003 21:07

Just picked up on this. Good luck, my heart is with you. Have been there myself back in 97/98. Things will get better what ever the result. Always remember that and you will get through.

bundle · 05/10/2003 21:15

oh lillibet, the best of luck, I'll be thinking about you, x

winnie1 · 06/10/2003 09:36

lilibet, will be thinking of you, goodluck.

Twinkie · 06/10/2003 09:51

Message withdrawn

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