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Original poster

I've just done something awful

37 replies

crapmum · 17/06/2005 20:21

and I feel so ashamed.

I am feeling hot, bothered and stressed. I've got an awful cough and hayfever and I feel worn out.

My baby has been clawing at my face, really pulling on my hair and similar all day. He just grabbed hold of my mouth and scratched inside and I smacked his hand way. Not hard or anything and I haven't left a mark but I feel like the worse person in the world right now.

Sorry I changed my name, couldn't stand the thought of you knowing who I was.

What can I do?

OP posts:

starshaker · 17/06/2005 20:22

dont feel bad u didnt hurt him if he cried it was prob out of shock nothing else. what age is ds

Xena · 17/06/2005 20:23

Kiss and cuddle him.

jessicasmummy · 17/06/2005 20:23

dont feel bad, we all have moments like that - ive done it myself in the past. Take some time out and try and chill. You are NOT a crap mum xxx

Original poster

crapmum · 17/06/2005 20:23

8 months

OP posts:

Katemum · 17/06/2005 20:25

Take a deep breath, relax, accept that it is done and move on. If you are really that shocked and upset that you did it then i would think that you are unlikely to do it again. Give him a big hug and take some time out for yourself if you can.

KBear · 17/06/2005 20:26

You've beat yourself up and that's the only punishment you need or deserve!! We've all lost our rag and immediately regretted it.

You can't do anything but forgive yourself for being human and give him a big kiss and a cuddle!

Katemum · 17/06/2005 20:26

Oh and change your name back, you are not a crap mum.

ninja · 17/06/2005 20:32

That's not crap - it might be if you thought that he deserved it and you planned to do it again, but you feel worse than he does!! Just think of this occasion as teaching you how much you really care about your son and how you know you don't want to do this.

As Jessicasmummy says try and chill and get some rest and plan something fun to do with your ds tomorrow xxx

meggymoo · 17/06/2005 20:42

Message withdrawn

sobernow · 17/06/2005 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyHuggy · 17/06/2005 20:46

I wouldnt worry about it

you are not a crap mom - you are human, just like the rest of us!

NotQuiteCockney · 17/06/2005 20:50

What you did sounds perfectly understandable - as does feeling bad about it.

Your baby is almost getting to an age where you can use a form of discipline for these sorts of things - I used to calmly put down my DS1 and walk away if he did something like this. Certainly, whether or not you want to discipline, if you're reaching the end of your tether, wandering off for a bit sounds like a good idea ...

Original poster

crapmum · 17/06/2005 20:56

I just feel so useless. Feels like I lurch from one big cock up to the next. I do this too often, just snap cos I'm tired and I've had enough. My kids are going to end up in therapy when they're older. I'm not beating them or anything but I am a grumpy old bag and I seem to snap all too easily.

Thanks for being so nice, but I don't think it's justified at the moment.

OP posts:

hercules · 17/06/2005 20:58

You are a human being not a crapmum. Please dont think every other parent is perfect and never loses their temper. It's all normal and part of being a family!

anchovies · 17/06/2005 20:59

Not crapmum just normaleverydayregularmum I'd say!

Seriously don't beat yourself up about this. You posted on the thread I started, it is completely normal to reach the end of your tether, everyone does. I know for a fact my mum lost her temper and I turned out normal(ish!). These things happen.

Original poster

crapmum · 17/06/2005 21:00

It does seem that lots of other parents are perfect actually - particularly when it comes to discipline. You only need to read threads on here and count up how many people say they'd never smack their children. Unfortunately I can't say the same.

OP posts:

KBear · 17/06/2005 21:01

I'm a grumpy old bag too (DH told me, bless him) and I shout at the kids (who are rarely guilty of anything worth shouting about) but, like most mums, we work hard, we are tired, we are stressed, we get PMT, we have to do almost everything to keep it all ticking over, as well as working outside the home (some of us).

Thinking of starting my own web-site - Grumpsnet!

charleepeters · 17/06/2005 21:01

My ds does this to me all day long - i even had dp accusedof hitting me becasue i was cut and scratched all over. i tap his hand and firmly say no then put him down when he does it hes 9 months. your not a crap mom we all have bad days where we dont feel like having our kids bugging us, its normal its not like you actually beat him up or anything.

singyswife · 17/06/2005 21:01

HI I have just clicked on to mumsnet and your message was one of the first I read. Don't feel bad about what you did, my daughter was a terrible sleeper and I vividly remember one night picking her up right in my face and was about to shake her, I was just so angry that she wouldn't sleep and so tired from not sleeping that I snapped. I ran upstairs with her, literally throwing her in her cot and came down stairs. I sat and broke my heart abuot it. It took me such a long time to realise that I am only human and can only take so much especially if you are feeling crap anyway. Make a point of having even half an hour to yourself every day. Put DS in his cot or playpen or somewhere he can come to no harm and escape for a short time. Works wonders. You are not a crap mum though you are just a human mum.

Katemum · 17/06/2005 21:02

If you really think that you are snapping too easily have you spoken to the doc or health visitor? Could you have pnd?
I really don't think you have done anything awful, am more worried about the way you feel that you are not coping with life.

NotQuiteCockney · 17/06/2005 21:03

I hope to never smack my kids, but I still don't know that I never will. I have used unneccessary force with DS1, and been a bit rough with him. I've shouted at him. I'm not happy about doing these things, because they're not nice, and anyway, they don't work.

I think all parents have been rougher or angrier than they'd like to be, in an ideal world. You smacked your baby once, you feel bad, you will do your best to avoid doing it again. These things happen.

Original poster

crapmum · 17/06/2005 21:04

I'm on my own, so I don't get much of a chance for a break.

OP posts:

wordgirl · 17/06/2005 21:05

Having the inside of your mouth scratched sounds pretty painful to me and I don't see what you did as 'smacking' but just a natural reflex reaction. Please don't worry about it.

singyswife · 17/06/2005 21:07

You dont need to leave him with anyone though just put him somewhere safe and sit and have a cup of tea for 10 minutes. Are you in mother and todler groups or anything, maybe some socialising will help you feel a bit better about yourself. You need to look after and feel good about you before you can see to him. Make yourself feel better, even if it is just a nice bath and then you will see it is not all bad.

Original poster

crapmum · 17/06/2005 21:09

The others are driving me mad as well. They've been tired and miserable since they came out of school. They were in bed at 7.30 and yet they are all still awake and bickering upstairs. The whole thing is just exhausting.

OP posts:

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