M2T - try this one! Hope it's not too controversial..apologies in advance
The bartender was washing his glasses, when
an elderly Irishman came in.
With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted
his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey.
The Irishman looked towards the end of the bar
and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.
The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who moved very slowly. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting
at the end of the bar. The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him glass of Chianti,too.
The third patron to enter the bar was a Glaswegian, who swaggered into the bar and yelled, "Awright Big Man, gonnae gie us a pint o' lager.
Hey, is that thon God's Boy ower thair?" The
barkeeper nodded, so the Glaswegian
told him to give Jesus a lager too.
As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to
the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength comeback to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!"
The Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his
hands above his head and did a flip out the door.
Jesus walked towards the Weegie, but the Weegie jumped back and exclaimed,
"Dinnae f*in touch me! Ah'm oan disability allowance!"