Would gay marriage undermine the exalted status of heterosexual marriage?

[Pruni]

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I got married so my daughter would be 'legally' legitimate. When DH and I chose to have her we weren't bothered about getting married but after she was born it became important to us. I think the law may have changed since she was born and now unmarried fathers have parental rights? At the time, they didn't.

I got married not for the wedding but to make a declaration of commitment to my DH, but mostly for legal reasons, like being my official next of kin and things like that. If there were some other way to do it, I'd have happily bypassed the wedding ceremony. Although with hindsight, I did really enjoy that day.

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Ah, maybe controversy at last. I don't want legal legitimacy for the Inferiorettes. I think if there is social/legal stigma associated with illegitimacy it's more important to combat that stigma than implicitly endorse it by getting married.

The cats are non-negotiable, Blu. One of them pushed DD1 out of bed last night anyway, and was found happily snoozing on her pillow while she sprawled on the floor (asleep) - think you can combat that?

I do enjoy those studies of what "makes" children perform well.

Daughters of mothers who work outside the home are likely to do better at school, according to some research on this subject, while sons are likely to do better if their mother is at home, apparently. Luckily I have only daughters so am able to work outside the home with a good conscience. My friend with 3 sons has read the research and so is full time at home.

Unfortunately my not being marrried will detract from my daughters' academic succes though.

And only children perform best at school, does that mean we should all get married, have just the one child, and then decide on our working status by the child's sex?

and if you have one of each - part-time, fennel

ah, Ninah, as oldest children perform better at school than second ones, you'd have to decide, to make your choice on the basis of the sex of the first (boosting their already stronger chances of success) or to boost the second, who's already at a disadvantage, by going with the choice which boosts their gender.

IMO:

1. I think that gay people should have some sort of civil and legal partnership because they are a couple and should have the right to legal protection of their assets but I don't think they should be allowed to marry in church.

2. People shouldn't be forced to remain married because I think this would make life hell for them and any children.

3. People are definately less willing to work at it. Our wedding photographer wanted to stop displaying wedding photos in his shop that he had taken because lots of the couples were divorced within 12 months and asking him to photograph their next wedding. Marriage involves sacrifice and compromise and trust and commitment and sadly, a lot of people are far too selfish to deal with that.

I think that a good marriage is so valuable and precious. Forcing people to marry for social reasons is pointless because it wouldn't last. On the other hand, you can't devalue what people do value - if that makes sense. Just because other people are divorcing, doesn't make me value my marriage any less.

Statistically, I think it is the case that children of married parents do better although it's probably a combination of variables involved.

People celebrate 'weddings' in all sorts of ways now anyway, choosing to make committment vows in front of their friends, doing things like skipping through fountains to demonstrate their relationship etc (oooh yes, some alternative ceremonies I have been too....) - and entering into a Family Constitution could involve as much speech-making and white tuille as anyone wanted at the after signing-the-contract-party.

I'm only doing it if I get to wear a fabulous frock, Blu. In fact we could all wear fabulous frocks in different colours.

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Seriously, I don't agree that people should have to work at marriage. I can see that they've both effectively signed up to a life-long contract, but why do you have to stick to it if it's not working for you?

In order of questions asked:

1. No.

2. Yes, b/c it allows people to escape from abusive partners.

3. No.

4. Do some research on women's lives in the 1950s for the answer to that.

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Because you've made a promise, MI! Why get married in the first place if you can't be bothered to make an effort? Also, how can you know if it's going to work out if you don't give it a chance? I love my DH more every day. We are celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary next month.

I suppose I don't see why bother in the first place, Logic. Seriously.

ROFL re your cat, MI

Each to their own! I suppose it's just really important to me. Can't even say why. Just call me old-fashioned.

Do you think marriage will be devalued if gay people are allowed to marry?

No, not at all. I think that marriage is a symbol of love and commitment not a declaration of sexual preference

Do you feel that the relative ease of divorce is a good thing or not? Why?

No I don't. I think in general people should work harder at marriage and not go into it without lots of thought.

Do you think people have a rose-tinted view of marriage and are less prepared to work at it these days?

Yes and less belief that it is a commitment for life

If we went back to the days when divorce was difficult, what do you think would be the effect on women's lives, if any?

think lots would probably not marry in the first place

And lastly, he is vehement that studies exist showing that children from families where the parents have a marriage certificate are statistically more likely to do better than children from families where there are two unmarried parents. Have you ever heard this? I find it hard to believe.

Yes I've heard that before but whether its chinese whispers or rooted in actual fact I don't know. I would also say that you can do anything with statistics, anything at all you want .. so even if it does exist as a research piece I would doubt its accuracy

gosh fennel it gets worse lol
how about twins ...

Twins do worse, academically, than singletons. just as they are on average less healthy. Better not have twins if you want glittering prizes for your child/ren.

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OMG as an unmarried mum of ds, working full-time I'm damned anyway, may as well have the twins, will find out at scan next Wednes!

you sometimes have to work at any relationship, married or not, its not always fireworks. Obv there are always reasons as to why you shouldnt work at it