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Original poster

What do you think about "not doing anything" when children are at school/nursery?

661 replies

morningpaper · 19/05/2005 12:04

My daughter's peers are starting nurseries ... and I'm finding myself really SHOCKED at the fact that my mummy-friends aren't doing anything with their time while their children are out of the home. I asked a friend last week what she did and she said "Oh I just get home, tidy up a bit, have a coffee - and then I have to pick him up again!"

As I work from home there is ALWAYS some work I can do. I also do voluntary work and could always do with more time to get stuff done.

I also don't understand why their partners are happy with them just taking 'mornings off' to themselves - aren't they a bit miffed?

I'm probably just jealous but I can't help but think that they are just plain lazy! What do other people feel about this?!

OP posts:
emily05 · 19/05/2005 22:21

I am a SAHM and didnt find MP original post offensive. Didnt agree with her, but we are entitled to our opinions.
However some of the comments on this thread have been so insulting and way past the point of debate.

compo · 19/05/2005 22:22

I thnk that's what people have answered here though MP - there is more doing things btw 9-3 than 'sitting around'!!!!

Gobbledigook · 19/05/2005 22:22

But why does anyone have to 'fill their mind' every minute of the waking day? What's wrong with chilling out, recharging your batteries, pondering the universe?!

Caligula · 19/05/2005 22:22

Unpaid pixies or sponging pixies?

emily05 · 19/05/2005 22:22

Thomcat said it better!

Libb · 19/05/2005 22:23

Yes Mummy Thomcat (and well said!)

Toothache · 19/05/2005 22:23

lol @ "sponge off husbands" comment!

If my DH decided to give up work and stay at home with the kids it would actually SOLVE alot of the problems we are having and ease the stress!! I certainly wouldn't feel like he was scrounging from me!

MP - Your interest and genuine curiousity is perfectly fine and normal and not insulting at all! But come ON..... your post wasn't that innocent "I can't help but think they are plain lazy" They being many Mums on MN!! Would you not feel insulted at being accused of being lazy.... ir neglectful coz you work.... or anything judgement and generalised like that?

BTW - I'm not a SAHM, but can totally see why it would be "hackle-raising"!

hunkermunker · 19/05/2005 22:24

Would just like to agree with TC totally.

Original poster
morningpaper · 19/05/2005 22:25

Thomcat: What your describing seems to me to sound like 'housewife' work - and I personally would find doing that for 6 hours a day would drive me up the wall.

I'm glad that you're happy with your choices GDG.

And I'm a SAHM but it's DH who keeps my drawers full of clean pants - even if half of them say "Aged 2-3" and OBVIOUSLY have Barbie on the front.

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soapbox · 19/05/2005 22:25

Compo - I'm not sure it has been answered though!

Most of the posts have been defending the right to have me time. There have been precious few which said what people did in that me time and why that led to them living fulfilled lives.

I think I have gleaned though that much of the me time is spent posting on MN - so not that different to working really

compo · 19/05/2005 22:25

but some of us are having a reasonable debate

handlemecarefully · 19/05/2005 22:25

Londonina,

I'm a working mum (part time) and agree with the SAHMs that Fairymum has been offensive. I actually agree with some of what Fairymum has said, but does she have to be so extraordinarily rude and abrasive? She has lost the impact of her arguments by debasing them in this way.

I think you'll find mumsnetters will often accept a different pov when it's put across in a diplomatic and sensitive way.

Generally I don't like it when a whole load of people set upon another ...but frankly FM, this time I do think you deserve it!

alterego · 19/05/2005 22:26

It's very easy to lead an intellectually stimulating life as a sahm (see Caligula's post of 7.41pm or take up voluntary work or a hobby) - any of which can be just as stimulating and worthwhile as paid work. It can be frustrating when the children are of an age where they are with you 24/7 which is why when they do move on to pre-school / school so many sahm's do take the opportunity to be a bit "lazy" for a while.

Wrt "part of the reason I work is I want my kids to see this and my daughter to know there is more in life than doing the laundry." - the main reason I am a sahm is to give my children the security of seeing that I am there for them and that they are my number one priority. I can't do this if I go out to work.

Not sure that Fairymum comes from Sweden - another planet perhaps?

Original poster
morningpaper · 19/05/2005 22:26

Toothache: if "lazy" was the harshest thing I'd been called on this thread I'd be quite happy!

OP posts:
Gobbledigook · 19/05/2005 22:26

I am MP - BUT I work as well y'see!!

In fact better get on with it! Paediatric asthma awaits....

Original poster
morningpaper · 19/05/2005 22:26

(BTW I wrote 'Thomcat' when I obviously meant 'GDG' in my post referring to 'housewife' work)

OP posts:
Thomcat · 19/05/2005 22:27

Morningpaper, sorry, I really don't understand, I must be being dim, what did I describe and how did housewife work come into what I said?

handlemecarefully · 19/05/2005 22:27

Going back to the question posed by MP originally - I think it's fabulous if people find the space for some down time in this frenetic and slightly crazy lifestyle we have these days

Gobbledigook · 19/05/2005 22:28

Me too hmc - I think the world's gone a bit mad and it needs to sloooooow dooooooooown!

Thomcat · 19/05/2005 22:28

oh ok, posts crossed, makes sense now I thought one of us had gone mad!

compo · 19/05/2005 22:29

I thnk spending all day on mumsnet is probably stimualting the brain a lot more than anything else judging by some of the heated debates including this one

Original poster
morningpaper · 19/05/2005 22:29

Soapbox: "Most of the posts have been defending the right to have me time. There have been precious few which said what people did in that me time and why that led to them living fulfilled lives."

Very true soapbox - and I think those are the answers that I would be REALLY interested in!

OP posts:
Pagan · 19/05/2005 22:30

I can't catch up with all the comments but one mentioned earlier by Milge struck a chord with me.

When DD was born and DH and I went to register her birth I was still technically in employment so on the birth certificate went my job title of consultant. When DS was born I had given up work, there was nothing on the registration form to account for that, not even housewife (a term I dislike and prefer the word homemaker).

It irritated me that my new role in doing everything domestic was not recognised. It prompted me to write to the powers that be to try to get this changed, not only for those like me, but for those who contribute to society in many ways, like carers, voluntary workers etc. but do not receive £££.

Is this the world we live in today where people are only judged to be doing something worthwhile if some sort of salary is attached to it??

I find this quite sad

soapbox · 19/05/2005 22:30

MP - well why didn't you ask that question then you daft mare

Original poster
morningpaper · 19/05/2005 22:32

soapbox: I honestly thought it would just be too dull and they'd all go back to the cheese thread...

OP posts: