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Original poster

Is it acceptable to say that lactating mothers can't attend a wedding reception?

124 replies

minitrip · 01/05/2009 16:24

I've been invited to a wedding in June, and my baby will be about 4 weeks old. We've been told that I am welcome to bring her to the wedding, but not the posh reception. As I hardly know the couple getting married (uni friend of my husband) going to the wedding is a bit irrelevant if I can't meet anyone afterwards.

I do have a tiny bit of sympathy for people who won't have toddlers/children at their weddings (although I invited kids to mine - I think they make it a happier occasion), but I thought it was a bit harsh to exclude breastfeeding babies (and their mothers)...

OP posts:

Podrick · 01/05/2009 18:20

Not sure why you are bothered about attending? Nice to be asked but does it make much difference to either party if you actually go or not?

SalBySea · 01/05/2009 18:25

whilst some people dont think babes in arms are exempt when it comes to child free weddings, others believe that is is more diplomatic to have an "all or none" policy to avoid upsetting anyone. There really is no right or wrong, both ways will unfortunately upset at least one over sensitive type

If you are not happy with the church only invite just politely decline! it would not be unreasonable to decide not to go but I think it would be unreasonable to be upset about it!

ruty · 01/05/2009 18:32

I mean the idea of not wanting a 4 week old baby, besides the fact they have no clue that of course you can't leave her, is what, because they don't want the baby to cry? It is bonkers and of course it is selfish. Weddings have become so unbearably precious and twattish lately, sorry.

Podrick · 01/05/2009 18:37

they don't want your baby to take the attention from the bride!

sweetkitty · 01/05/2009 18:39

I left a 9 week old BF baby to go to DP's best friends wedding. Left her with SIL with plenty of bottles of EBM from about 1pm to 9.30pm (we left reception early), boobs were rock hard though even with hand expressing.

TBH I would only go to the church thing to show face so to speak.

pointydog · 01/05/2009 18:48

I think they just don'tr have a clue about breastfeeding and small babies.

If I were you, I'd send my husband but not go myself.

avenginggerbil · 01/05/2009 18:50

Do you think that the old social rule that if you invite someone to a wedding they should send a gift encourages the invite-senders to invite people they know will not be able to come?

If I were invited to a wedding with conditions that made it impossible for me to attend, that's one rule I'd be breaking...

Greensleeves · 01/05/2009 18:51

send them a month's supply of SMA

ruty · 01/05/2009 18:55

or a month's supply of contraception. [sorry]

stitchtime · 01/05/2009 19:10

why dont they also include a bit about menstruating women not beeing allowed either.?
unclean, unclean....

theyoungvisiter · 01/05/2009 19:15

very odd and misleading thread title! I thought they were objecting to the big wet patches on your top, until I read your post.

Yes, it's annoying, but tiny babies do often scream non-stop for hours, so i can understand why they might not want one at their reception (although like you I made children very welcome at my wedding.

Also, bear in mind you may not want or be able to go - if you are 2 weeks late and then have a c-section with complications, or your baby may be in special care, or have raging colic, or anything really. Or of course you may not be able to bf.

I hope of course that you have a wonderful trouble-free birth but worth bearing in mind...

oxocube · 01/05/2009 19:16

You are all mad What's wrong with the bride and groom calling the shots on their wedding day? I really don't understand the problem.

Original poster

minitrip · 01/05/2009 19:16

LOL Stitchtime, sorry to change the subject, but that reminds me of a funny story. When I was 18 I worked as a waitress in a hotel in Luxembourg. The proprietress was very old and insisted that we told her when we were menstruating. Her reasoning was that we weren't allowed to make mayonnaise in the kitchen because it would curdle...

Anyway, back to the thread...

OP posts:

oxocube · 01/05/2009 19:17

that was directed at the loons suggesting gifts of contraceptives/ baby milk BTW

theyoungvisiter · 01/05/2009 19:18

PS in your shoes I wouldn't go and really wouldn't care. You will have much better things to do than mingle with lots of people you don't know from adam.

stitchtime · 01/05/2009 19:19

lol minitrip, that is so funny

Greensleeves · 01/05/2009 19:20

oxo I think it's a weird cultural aberration that getting married is somehow a free pass to be a selfish dictatorial tosswank for the day. Your wedding guests are your guests, they are not a hired troupe of extras. If I were invited to a party - wedding or otherwise - by somebody who clearly had no manners, I would discard it, and I don't see that it would be unreasonable to conclude that the happy couple were selfish/childish/had no place on my Christmas card list

ruty · 01/05/2009 19:22

'the loons' 'call the shots' Arf.

RubyrubyrubyRodent · 01/05/2009 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FattipuffsandThinnifers · 01/05/2009 19:23

Why is this such a problem?

If you want to go to the reception can't you express beforehand? It would presumably only be one or two feeds?

OTOH if you can't face a couple of hours away from your newborn then don't go. If they're not even friends of yours but just acquaintances of your husband, then it surely isn't a big deal to miss it?

ruty · 01/05/2009 19:24

If you like your friends I find it is best not to put them in uncomfortable situations like be separated from their month old baby. If you don't like babies, don't have them.

Idranktheeasterspirits · 01/05/2009 19:25

You can't say yes to a baby because the mother is breastfeeding and still uphold the no kids rule. There would be a "muirder" in the words of the late great Taggart.

I do think in all seriousness that probably has something to do with it.
In any case, the wedding would have been booked aeons ago, you can't start moaning about not being able to bring your baby at the last minute.
I really don't think it has anything to do with not wanting the bride to be upstaged by the baby either.
It's simply that they want a wedding with no children at the reception. Whether or not you lot agree with it that's the way it is.

Idranktheeasterspirits · 01/05/2009 19:29

Actually, i kind of think that on the day anyone who turns up will be an extra at our wedding as neither of us are into the whole big day thing but that is just us. Doesnt make us tosswanks, just makes us more bothered about why we are getting married than worrying about what everyone else is doing.

PuppyMonkey · 01/05/2009 19:31

I hate all this "their wedding, their rules" nonsense. Sometimes people need to be told they are arses. If they said "No people with ginger hair at the reception, thanks" - I suppose you would say: "Well, their wedding, their rules."

Idranktheeasterspirits · 01/05/2009 19:33

i would applaud them puppymonkey

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